For those of you who know me, you all know how much I love and value my meditation practice.
While I am often talking about the known benefits of meditation (greater sense of calm, more creativity, sharper mental focus), I had a new and unexpected benefit from my practice recently.
A few months ago I tweaked my shoulder. It might have been while I was playing tennis or some other activity, but it was not a big deal at the time. I decided to rest it for a few weeks and have some physical therapy. But even with PT, cortisone, not playing tennis, not doing yoga, and only sleeping on my “good” side, it has gotten progressively worse. So after multiple trips to the doctor, I finally had to get an MRI to see what was really going on.
For those of you who have never had the “pleasure” of having an MRI, it is one of the more sophisticated pieces of medical equipment capable of taking images of organs, joints, and soft tissue.
On the other hand, it is one of the more annoying diagnostic tools. It is basically a long, claustrophobic tube that produces a relentless jackhammer sound. A scan can take anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes depending on the body part.
The technicians do their best to make you comfortable by offering earplugs and headphones to try and mask the noise. My tech asked me what kind of music I wanted to hear before he put me inside the machine.
I told him, “Classical.”
He said, “Oh, I have classical, but you won’t be able to hear it over the imaging noise.”
So, then I asked, “How about Classic Rock?
As if ordering from a menu, I then added, “But not heavy metal. Or 80s Hair Bands. Just like 70s stuff. British more than American.
Clearly, I was getting nervous, and my inner-control freak was coming out. Apparently, I had confused my radiology technician with a DJ at a bar-mitzvah.
Sensing my nervousness, he laughed and asked, “Are you claustrophobic?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer this question. I have had MRIs before, but I couldn’t remember how I felt. So I just stuttered, “Well, kind of. Sometimes. It depends.”
I was more anxious than usual because my shoulder was hurting, and if my arm was in the wrong position the pain can be excruciating. But sometimes the pain comes from being in just one position for too long, so I was nervous about going into the tube for fear that I would need to move around.
The tech handed me a button attached to a long cord and told me to press it if I felt like I had to stop the scan and get out of the machine.
It was great to have a “panic” button, but the thing is that IF you move around during an MRI scan, then you have to start the whole thing over. And the last thing you want to do is to have to repeat this scan because you want to get out of the tube and away from the jackhammer sound as soon as possible.
He strapped me in and attempted to make me comfortable. I closed my eyes before entering the machine so that I didn’t freak myself out about potential claustrophobia in this rigatoni-shaped casket.
In spite of the earplugs, the headphones, and the classic rock (which was barely audible, but audible enough to know that I didn’t like the song), I was too focused on the jackhammer, and I started to feel a little panicky.
But then, I simply made the decision to focus on my breath and a mantra. Just like I do during my daily meditation.
I found myself immediately calming down. The jackhammer seemed less bothersome. The barely audible bad music was fading away.
My mind quieted down and I was fine for a good stretch. Any concerns about claustrophobia were gone.
But then my shoulder started to hurt.
I had been in one position for too long and the pain was building on itself. I really didn’t want to start over, so I just kept breathing and meditating.
I had no idea how much time had passed before my arm started to tingle and my fingers were going numb. I decided that at the next pause between jackhammer sounds, I was going to have him pull me out and adjust my arm.
I waited patiently and then finally squeezed the panic button. There was just silence, and I thought perhaps my button wasn’t working.
I waited for another beat, and finally, the technician announced over the speaker that we were all done. I had made it through the full 20 minutes and was free to go home.
Meditation kept me calm and made the time pass quicker than I had thought.
As for my shoulder, there is no clear diagnosis, it looks like a frozen shoulder. It’s going to be a while before it heals, but at least no surgery is required.
The moral of the story is that meditation was like having an anti-anxiety pill in my pocket. I use meditation as a daily ritual to improve the quality of my life, but I was also able to use it to calm myself down in a stressful situation.
The timing couldn’t have been better to share my story, because the latest episode of my podcast dropped today, and it is all about the benefits of meditation. You can listen here or wherever you get your podcasts.
-Jackie
