Ep #95: What’s Keeping You Awake At Night?

You are listening to the Overthinker's Guide to Joy, episode 95. This is the one
where we're going to talk about sleep, what might be keeping you awake at night,
what might be keeping you from falling asleep, staying asleep, or all the things
that might be interrupting your sleep. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis.
- Hey there, welcome back. So I thought that I would talk about sleep and all the
things about sleep because sleep is such an important part of our existence and it
is, as you know, one of my four principles. It's one of my four pillars, which
falls under Observe Your Levels in my home model that you've heard about quite a
bit. If you've been listening to this podcast or if you've been following my blog
for any length of time, I always talk about hydration, Observe Your Levels, meditate,
exercise. And in Observe Your Levels, the two components are, is it time to eat or
is it time to sleep? So sleep is a big subject in coaching because getting enough
rest, getting quality rest is so important to our mind working optimally but also
our emotions being regulated because when we are sleep deprived we often feel
scattered or spacey or anxious or sometimes depressed and so sleep is just one of
those daily pillars that is so important to manage Well, I say that I have a long
complicated relationship myself with sleep. That is, I struggled most of my life with
insomnia. And there's two kinds of insomnia. There's the kind where you have trouble
falling asleep, and then there's the kind where you have no trouble falling asleep,
but you have trouble staying asleep. So for most of my life, I had trouble with
the kind falling asleep. When I would lay down at night and my head would hit the
pillow, for me it was like an invitation for my mind to race. And I know a lot
of people struggle with this. But then I have also met many people who struggle
with staying asleep. And that actually happened to me later in life. And I'll get
into that. So the last few nights, I have had a lot of trouble sleeping. and I
did all the right things. I went to bed at a reasonable hour. I had a good
dinner. I didn't overeat. I watched a great TV show in the evening. I made the
adult decision last night not to stay up and binge the very last episode of this
awesome miniseries that I'm watching on Netflix. So I used constraint and went to
bed and read for a few minutes and peacefully Drifted off to sleep. I think I
drifted off to sleep around 10 30 at night And I usually go to bed somewhere
between 10 and 11 and It felt so easy to fall asleep last night.
I was tired I had done all the right things and then I woke up an hour later to
use the bathroom because I had drank so much water So I got back in bed and I
quickly fell asleep again But only to wake up at 12 30 in the morning And then I
was hot, and I was uncomfortable. And I have all these pillows to support my neck
and back and knees. And each time I roll over, there's like always a lot of
adjustments. And I fell back asleep. And then it was 1 .30 in the morning. And I
was up again. But I finally fell asleep again and slept for another six hours. And
it was all good. Anyway, as I started to say at the beginning of this episode,
when I was younger, I had a terrible time falling asleep. And I've mentioned this
before on the podcast as a baby, as a little kid, as a teenager, basically until
my late 30s, I could not fall asleep. It would take me an hour or two. And my
mind would just race. I would play every conversation of the day back over in my
head, hello, overthinkers, or I would worry about how late it was, and I worried
about not getting enough sleep, or worried about that if I were tired the next day
then I wouldn't get through the rest of the week and that anxiety would lead to
more worry and then basically I was just too wound up to go to sleep and
eventually of course I did always go to sleep it just took a really long time and
what happens is the habit of laying down indulging in your mind racing not being
able to sleep And what happens is you developed an association with, "Oh, laying
down at night causes my mind to raise, causes me to feel anxious, therefore,
I am not a good sleeper or I'm not good at falling asleep." I was actually really
outstanding once I fell asleep at being a heavy sleeper, but it's about changing
that association, right? So that I had to learn to tell myself, "No,
I am a good sleeper. I know how to fall asleep and also change some habits around
going to sleep. I always say it's kind of a cruel joke, right? I spent most of my
life struggling to fall asleep, had absolutely no problem staying asleep and then
once asleep, I could power sleep like nobody's business. But then of course the
cruel joke is once you're a mother of small children because they go to sleep
early, which was never an option for me and wake up early, there was no sleeping
in until they were grown -ups. And then middle -age strikes and middle -age often
impacts both men and women, but especially women in their 40s because they will
often have trouble either falling asleep or staying asleep. And that's due to a
variety of hormonal changes and all kinds of other things. Sleep is a common subject
I talk about with a lot of my clients. And since my clients range between the ages
of 20 to 70, I hear a lot of different sleep challenges, insomnia,
etc. So let's talk about what keeps us up at night.
Now, in one of my earliest podcasts, I think it was podcast number two, observing
your levels, I talk about sleep hygiene. So some of this, if you've heard that
episode, might be repetitive, you might want to go back to it. Some of this
information might be new today. Sleep hygiene is basically just about setting yourself
up for a successful night of sleep. So the first thing you want to do is make
sure your room is dark enough. Some people are more sensitive to light than others.
So things like covering the LED lights in your room, that's alarm clocks, DVRs,
computers, phones, anything that lights up, that can impact some people's abilities to
fall asleep and sometimes to stay asleep. So you want to make sure your room is
dark enough if light is an issue for you. If light is still an issue for you,
even after you cover all your LED lights and your computers and your DVRs and
things, maybe your blinds or your curtains don't block out the external light, one
thing you might try is a sleep mask. And now they make these fabulous weighted
sleep masks that are even better to help you fall asleep. There's something about
having a little bit of weight on your forehead that calms the nervous system.
Another great sleep hygiene hack or trick is to make sure your room is cool enough.
Now, whether this is you keeping a window open or turning on a fan or using an
air conditioner, your room should always be on the cool side when it's bedtime. Now
falling asleep is your issue, then you want to reduce your stimulation before bed.
So things like, you don't want to eat a heavy meal late at night. Give yourself
plenty of time to digest your dinner before lying down. It's not only better for
your digestion, it's better for the quality of sleep you will get. Now, if sound is
an issue, noisy neighbors, a snoring partner, or you're just sensitive to noise,
try using earplugs. But the other thing is, don't use computer screens or play video
games or scroll on your phone too close to bedtime. Because for people who have
trouble falling asleep, that artificial blue light can stimulate your brain and throw
off your natural circadian rhythm. So the things that I like to recommend to people
are try reading an old -fashioned book. I mean, the book doesn't have to be old
-fashioned, but just a regular book, not on a screen, even if it's just for a few
minutes. Another trick to falling asleep can be using guided meditations.
They can help you get out of your head and relax your mind to help you drift off
to sleep. I had one client who started listening to guided meditations with her
daughter to help her fall asleep. And now she admits it's helping her fall asleep
faster too. Another great discovery that I made a few years ago is taking magnesium
before bed. There's a chewable magnesium that I love that I'll take before bed with
a big glass of water, but you can also take it in tablet form. You just want it
to be a good quality. The bonus to magnesium, not only relaxing your muscles,
which can sometimes help you feel sleepy. It's a natural digestive aid. So you may
notice that you have more regular digestion in the morning as a result of taking
magnesium at night. So it's kind of a double benefit. I had one client recently who
has complained of insomnia for so many years. And after taking magnesium at bedtime,
she says that she falls asleep almost as soon as her head hits the pillow. She's
sleeping through the night, and she said her digestion has improved 100%. But there
are so many other factors that go into what keeps us awake at night and what
remedies we can use to help us fall asleep, stay asleep, or fall back to sleep
after we've been woken up. So first, let's talk about the role of our thoughts that
keep us awake at night. If you find yourself with a mind that starts to race when
you lie down, I would recommend journaling, just simply take a notebook or piece of
paper, whatever you have available or whatever you like to write in, and write down
all your thoughts, the concerns of the day, something that upset you,
something that's on your mind, something you don't want to forget, or just like a
laundry list of things that are kind of randomly taking space in your brain.
Sometimes just jotting things down on paper, allows the mind to rest and not feel
like it needs to hold on and worry about your big fat to -do list. And then there
is, as I mentioned before, the habit of insomnia. And like me,
you might have a history of not feeling sleepy once you crawl into bed. This may
then become a habit that you've created. Simply associating your bed at night with
restless thoughts, this is where you might want to change the habit by adding in
some new habits. So as I mentioned, journaling might quiet your anxious mind or
listening to a guided meditation or reading a book. Some people like to take hot
baths or hot showers to relax their muscles before they go to sleep. But I've also
heard a quick cold shower before bed can have the same relaxing effect and then the
body is happy to crawl into bed to get warm. So you can try it hot, cold, shower
bath, anything that helps you sort of wash off your day and set the tone for your
bedtime ritual. But if insomnia is still an issue after you try all these tricks,
then you might want to look at your diet. The first place to look is what is your
caffeine intake like? If you're a coffee drinker or tea drinker, soda drinker,
soda that contains caffeine, kombucha or energy drinks like Red Bull or any of the
other brands. The question is how many do you have each day? And is it possible
that you could limit them? So I always recommend not having anything caffeinated
after two o 'clock, but if people are having more than one or two a day,
they may want to kind of cut it in half and then cut it in half again until you
get down to that one or two caffeinated drinks max and not after 2 p .m.
But another culprit of having trouble falling asleep might be sugar. If you're having
a big dessert or even a little one after dinner, that sugar or sometimes even
chocolate might be keeping you stimulated at night. Now for some people, none of
this is a problem. They drink coffee. They sleep all night. They eat dessert. It's
not an issue, but you have to examine what's working for your body and what isn't
and it also Changes with time age plays a huge role in the change of sleep habits
So what might have worked for you in your 20s doesn't work in your 30s or 30s
into your 40s or 40s into your 50s things change your body changes and you have to
Recognize that and change with it. So the same goes true for that big heavy meal I
was talking about. Whether it's fried foods, excessively salty foods, foods with a
lot of hidden sugar in them, any one of those things could prevent you from falling
asleep or staying asleep. And then there's alcohol. Well, alcohol can make you feel
more relaxed and even fall asleep faster, it tends to be very disruptive to a good
night's sleep. Your body has to process a foreign substance, which is likely to
cause you to wake up between the hours of two to five a .m. This is known as the
liver cleansing cycle in Chinese medicine. So when clients first come to me,
when they're interested in better health, better sleep habits, better habits, or even
specifically losing weight, they always comment on how well they sleep after they
give up alcohol. And look, I'm not saying you have to give up alcohol forever. I'm
saying, if you're having trouble sleeping, you may wanna give up alcohol for a few
weeks and see if your sleep doesn't improve. The same is true for removing sugar
and again, reducing caffeine. But even with the best sleep hygiene or best bedtime
habits, we can still struggle to fall or stay asleep. Sometimes just things like
having a big project that's weighing heavily on your mind can keep you awake or
taking a big exam or maybe you're making a big presentation in front of your boss
or a large group of people. You might be hosting a big event, could be a social
event, a wedding, a birthday party, any kind of event can certainly have your mind
racing with details and pressure, or even planning a big trip. I mean it doesn't
have to be a negative, it can be something joyful, but just the excitement can
sometimes be very interruptive to your sleep. Or you might be like me struggling
with a temporary physical challenge like a sports injury and it's just keeping you
awake at night. But there's other external factors that can also affect sleep. Things
like a full moon, high winds, a storm, another culprit of sleep disruption is
changes in your hormonal cycle. This is particularly true for women. This can be
true of a menstrual cycle, pregnancy, postpartum, peremenopause,
and menopause. But men have hormonal changes too, and men's sleep cycles change as
well. It's just more predominant in women. But if any of these circumstances should
arise for you, my first piece of advice is be patient with yourself.
Remind yourself that this is temporary unless it's been a chronic issue.
But I'm talking about the circumstantial things of whether or having something on
your mind or that hormonal change. One of my favorite mantras is "This too shall
pass." So if waking up in the middle of the night has become a recent issue, try
using the tools I recommended for falling asleep at the beginning of the evening.
Listen to another guided meditation. Take your journal out and write down your
thoughts again. Or try this breathing exercise. It's called box breathing and it's
super simple. You imagine four sides of a box. You inhale on the count of four as
you go up the box, you hold your breath for the count of four across the top of
the box, and then you exhale on the count of four as you come down the box,
and then you hold the count of four as you go across the bottom of the box again,
and you repeat this four times. So, box breathing is apparently used by Navy SEALs,
and it's taught to them to help manage their anxiety, not just in training, but
also in combat. Because oftentimes, as we know, many soldiers, particularly Navy
SEALs, are sleep deprived as they're working throughout the night, fighting,
protecting, drilling, training, and so they need to learn how to calm their bodies
down and catnap or power nap and so apparently box breathing both helps them relax
their nervous system and it also helps them get good night's sleep when they're
under duress. So my feeling is if it works for Navy SEALs it's got to work for
the rest of us. I happen to use it a lot in the middle of the night when I find
myself not able to fall back asleep. When I was a little girl, and I would feel
anxious about falling asleep at night, once again worried about getting enough sleep,
waking up in time for school, not being tired in class, and all the overthinker
kind of thoughts that I would have, my grandmother would always say, "Your body just
needs rest, and you are resting. That will be enough." So sometimes when I'm
struggling to fall asleep, the thing that I recall is that just by closing my eyes
and laying in bed in a dark room and just breathing my body's getting the rest it
needs and it'll fall asleep when it's ready. So giving yourself permission to relax
to not do things perfectly and to be wherever you are this is true for falling
asleep falling back asleep and it's also true for pretty much every aspect of your
life all right friends with that I want to wish you a restful night of sleep
tonight and all the nights ahead and I look forward to talking to you next time
bye for now
if you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach you can connect
with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S dot com.