In the past, I have been accused of being an enabler.
It’s often a habit that comes from being a people pleaser and a peacekeeper.
The word is most often associated with being complicit in facilitating, condoning, or participating in someone’s addiction.
However, enabling is NOT ALWAYS about addiction.
Sometimes it shows up as doing things for others that they should be doing for themselves.
Or indulging someone out of “love,” but it violates boundaries and creates extra work for ourselves.
Like the fact that my daughter is supposed to empty the dishwasher every morning, but I am too impatient to wait for her to do it. So I simply do it myself.
Or the fact that I often make three different versions of dinner, because I have picky eaters, and I would rather do the extra work than someone not like what I made prepared.
Or the fact that my dog is NOT allowed to beg for food or sit at the table, EXCEPT when we are alone, and then I let him have a seat next to me. (Shhhh, don’t tell my husband.)
These are all forms of enabling.
While these are all rather benign, enabling can have serious consequences when it comes to addiction and/or co-dependency.
This pattern of behavior or dynamic between two people can sneak up on you.
At first, what seems like a loving gesture might lead to something more disabling later on.
In other words, Enabling is Disabling.
For parents, it might mean raising an adult child who lacks independence.
For partners, it might mean indulging in a destructive addiction.
For other relationships, it might mean there might be an imbalance of power. Someone becomes subservient to the other and they are expected to cater to them.
Enabling can often masquerade as an act of generosity or love, but it can have some very serious consequences over time.
If you suspect that there is someone in your life that you are enabling, check out today’s episode of “The OverThinkers Guide To Joy.” In this episode, I offer a list of both questions and answers that might help in identifying and breaking this habit.
The episode is available on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube.
If you feel like enabling is a pattern that keeps showing up in your life, let’s chat. You can schedule a free consultation by sending me a private message.
Happy Wednesday!
xo, Jackie
