You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy episode 75. This is the one
where we're going to talk about chronic stress, what it's doing to your body, and
how to say enough is enough. Let's dive in. This is a podcast for overthinkers,
overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling overanxious and just want to
feel better. I'm your host certified life coach Jackie de Crinis.
Hi friends, and welcome back. So this week, I want to talk about stress.
And I use these terms sort of interchangeably, stress, chronic stress,
anxiety, being stressed out. They're all very similar. And I don't know if clinically
they're all the same thing, but I do think anybody who suffers from anxiety and /or
stress certainly uses the words interchangeably. And I think that that it's really
important to talk about. It's a subject that, because it comes up so often, I feel
like I couldn't do enough podcasts on this subject because it is kind of the
essential core of my business, which is helping people manage stress, manage their
anxiety. And because it is So near and dear to my heart, having lived through it
for most of my life with chronic anxiety, I thought I would just come on today and
do a podcast and just say it out loud. You do not have to live in chronic stress.
You might think you do because you've done it for so long. You might think it's
normal, or you've normalized it. You think it's normal to have trouble falling sleep,
or you think it's normal to not be able to stay asleep, or to be tortured by
vivid troubling dreams, or you may think it's normal just to worry all the time, to
always overthink. Of course, that's what the podcast is about, but to always
overthink about what's coming or what could happen next. Or worse, you think it's
not normal, but it's become your normal. And I know this because it was my normal.
I thought my hypervigilance and perfectionism, insomnia, nightmares, high functioning
anxiety, occasional panic attacks, chronic body aches, chronic tension,
overachieving people pleasing, digestive issues, headaches, I thought it was all normal
too. And it was very much the world I lived in for the three decades that I was
in the television business. And I just don't know what was worse, that I normalized
it and suffered it, or that occasionally I felt alone in it because I thought I
was abnormal. And it was really only when I got into coaching that I realized it's
really normal, but it shouldn't be normal. And what I mean by it's really normal is
a lot of people suffer from chronic stress and chronic anxiety. And they just accept
it as normal. When I worked in the television industry, stress, lack of sleep,
and workaholism was rewarded. And look, I'm not talking about hardworking, competent,
passionate, and committed, those are all really good qualities. I'm talking about
hypervigilance, people pleasing, and thinking all the time. I'm talking about an
industry that would take of you as much as you would give them. This kind of
behavior was normalized. And in a weird way, the more anxious people would be,
somehow that would translate to people thinking they were more productive. But of
course, they weren't allowed to complain about it. They were just to wear it as a
badge of honor. Basically, you had overworked, sleep -deprived,
anxious, neurotic, stressed -out people. And the more they bragged about how little
they slept and how much they worked, somehow they were perceived as more valuable
and more awesome. And look, this isn't just true for the entertainment business. I've
seen it in the tech world, the medical field, the legal profession, politics,
publishing, and so many other careers that encourage this kind of perpetual stress
cycle and workaholism as a sign of integrity or devotion. But just because people in
industries normalize or encourage this cortisol -inducing lifestyle doesn't mean it's
normal or healthy. In fact, a lot of people are attracted to these various fields
because either they are adrenaline junkies by nature and /or it's just been a coping
mechanism for their whole life. So they're drawn to things where there's similar
types of people and like again, it's rewarded. But oftentimes overthinking,
overworking, overdoing is a trauma response. And as children if we're exposed to an
unstable upbringing, whether that be from parents who struggled with alcohol or drug
issues, or parents that were divorced or widowed, or children who suffered from abuse
or neglect, this can often create these types of coping mechanisms as adults. And
I've talked about this on many podcasts before in various forms. For many children
who come from unstable homes, And when I say unstable, that doesn't necessarily mean
broken. That just means there's an unpredictable caregiver at the helm. The children
of these unpredictable caregivers might adopt people pleasing perfectionistic tendencies
as a way to get their parents' attention and /or to keep things calm at home
because they were scared of the uncertainty of that parent's behavior. So I have
several clients and have had several clients who are the children of alcoholics and
they often describe wanting to be perfect because they thought their alcoholic parent
might love them more or they might talk about becoming the family people pleaser or
peacemaker to bring calm to their house for fear that their alcoholic parent might
blow up at the slightest thing. So These two coping mechanisms, both perfectionism
and people pleasing, are almost interchangeable in hopes for the same outcome,
which is either peace, safety, and /or validation. So we're talking about survival
instincts as children, ways to feel safe. But when these children grow into adults,
regardless of whether they maintain relationships with their parents or if their
parents are no longer in their lives due to death or estrangement, the coping
mechanism doesn't just disappear. In fact, they become lifetime patterns or habits.
And these patterns might show up in an adult child in their romantic life or their
professional life or even in their social circles. The unconscious thought, "Well,
this worked before when they were children," then brings that into adulthood,
that quote "coping mechanism" because they survived their circumstances before or they
managed them. So they think this is a good modus operandi. But the truth is
somewhere in their adulthood, and it shows up at different times for different
people, it's gonna take a toll. It's like a time bomb waiting to go off.
So, in some cases, the chronic anxiety that occurred in childhood may manifest in
adulthood with stress -related symptoms, everything like I listed, insomnia, muscle
tension, chronic headaches, digestive troubles, etc. But even in success, when high
-functioning anxiety "pays off," the student who gets straight A's or gets a great
job, has a lucrative career, even starts a family, it still can take a toll.
It just might be delayed. The mind or body can simply not stay in a permanent
state of hypervigilance. Workaholics, people, pleasers, perfectionists, and overthinkers
will eventually burn out. And eventually it takes the form of,
like I said, body pain, exhaustion, nervous breakdown. So we either break down
physically, emotionally, or mentally. So how do we stop this train?
Well, it starts with getting to the root of what caused the behavior in the first
place. That is digging into what and where the patterns began is really important,
but then replacing those patterns with a healthy lifestyle. And I'm not just talking
about exercising, eating well, although that's a very good place to start. I'm
talking about learning to set boundaries in your work, your relationships, and even
with your own limitations. Then it's about learning to trust yourself, learning to
give yourself validation, like the saying goes, learning to have your own back. And
this doesn't mean becoming hyper -independent or disconnected from those things or
circumstances that you love, it means learning balance. It means giving yourself
permission to make different choices. By doing so, by giving yourself permission,
you can break the cycle of chronic tension, sleep deprivation, and that constant
state of fight or flight anxiety. But first we have to stop drinking the Kool -Aid.
And what I mean by that is we have to stop normalizing, chronic hypervigilance,
or worry. It might be common, but it's not normal. The only people who have
normalized it are those benefiting from it. That's your boss, your partner, your
children, or anyone else who is used to you just handling everything. Now,
the good news is people in your lives will adjust to your changes. They may not
like it at first. They might push back at your independence and your boundaries and
your prioritizing of yourself. But in the long run, it actually benefits everyone
because stress is contagious. So if you're always stressed out, chances are everyone's
feeling it too. But the good news is the joy is contagious too. So if you're
happier, Everyone around you will start being happier as well. Coaching teaches you
how to step out of that fight or flight response. It teaches you that you are
worth it, that you are important, and when you work with a coach, you start
treating yourself like someone you love, the same way you would treat your best
friend, or your child, or your best client. Because the thing is you are your most
important asset. And if you're not treating yourself that way already, you most
likely got a message error in your upbringing. You were told that self -care or self
-compassion was selfish and it's not. But ever since then, you've probably spent your
entire life either trying to prove something to someone, even if they're no longer
around to see it or judge it. But it's an old narrative that is no longer serving
you. So I have five questions for you. And you can get a pen and paper or you
can replay this podcast later. But ask yourself these questions. How does chronic
stress show up for you? Where is it in your body? How does it affect your
thinking? How much time does it rob you of? And how do you manage it?
So what do I mean by manage it? Well, we talked about it might be in the form of
hypervigilance. That's how mind manifested most of my life. Definitely overthinking for
me and probably perfectionism and people pleasing. But does yours manifest in
workaholism, overspending, overeating, overdrinking, self -medicating in some other way?
We often ignore the signs. We just keep drinking the Kool -Aid thinking this is
normal or this is my normal. I dealt with chronic stress for so many decades and I
did believe it was normal. But you can choose differently. You don't have to suffer
with chronic anxiety or stress, being an eight or nine on your pain scale whether
that's emotional or physical. You can learn to turn down the volume. You can choose
to control it rather than let it control you. So come work with me and I will
help you get off this anxiety roller coaster. I'm giving you permission to prioritize
yourself and live a less anxious life. You deserve to feel better and that's what
having your own coach does. It gives you a place to talk through the patterns of
thoughts and behaviors that are no longer serving you. And it gives you an
alternative way to live differently. Alright friends, if this message resonated with
you today, if any of these things feel like I'm describing you, I encourage you to
contact me through my website and let's talk. Whether you sign up for my newsletter
or you just continue listening to these podcasts or you choose to work together on
a one -on -one basis, I want to help you. So help yourself by reaching out.
All right, I will talk to you soon. Have a great week and bye for now. Thank you
for listening to this episode of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying
these episodes, please subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be in the
know when the next episode drops. If you would like to learn more Without working
with me as a coach, you can connect with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com
