Ep #58: Are You an Empath?

You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 58. This is the one
where we're going to talk about empathy versus being an empath. Let's dive in. This
is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling
overanxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis

Hey there and welcome back. So today I want to talk about empathy. I want to talk
about empathy. I want to talk about being empathetic. And I want to talk about
empaths. So empathy is defined as having the ability to listen or observe someone
and have your heart go out to that person. And studies have shown that women tend
to be a little bit more empathetic by nature. And this may be due to a biological
difference between men and women due to our different hormones and hormone levels.
One researcher discovered that since there's higher levels of oxytocin found in women,
this might make them more empathetic, while testosterone present in higher
concentrations in men may do the opposite. But being empathetic is a very important
quality when relating to others, and it's something you can learn. You don't have to
be born with it. And it can actually be incredibly powerful in a business leadership
role because it helps people relate to their teams and it puts people more in touch
with the client's needs. But empathy or being empathetic is different than being an
empath. And that's what I kinda wanna drill down on today. According to Dr.
Judith Orloff who wrote the book The Empath Survival Guide. She defines an empath as
someone who feels other people's emotions, energy, and physical symptoms in their own
bodies without the usual defenses that most people have. So that's a fundamental
difference than being empathetic or having empathy. An empath literally feels someone
else's emotions, pain, joy, etc. in their body. So subsequently,
empaths are very connected to people, not just family and friends, but often even in
meeting strangers too, because they feel a connection to others while being, whether
that's positive or negative. So empaths and sought out for for guidance and support
and connection. And this can be a really powerful gift and reward. It can give
somebody a great sense of power and purpose in their life. But like most powers,
they have a downside too. So if you're not aware of your empathic tendencies and or
you don't know how to manage your gift, it can easily leave you feeling emotionally
and physically drained. And a lot of my clients are empaths and they talk about how
drained they feel when their children are suffering or when there's a problem at
work or when their spouse is upset or even just at parties. They just feel like
they have to take it all on and solve for it. So it's different just acknowledging
someone else's pain. An empath actually feels it. An empath is like a sponge.
They take it on and they take it in. Now, they might do this energetically or just
through conversation, but because empaths are such highly sensitive people,
they're magnets for other people who are suffering. In other words, they just kind
of find each other. So for many highly sensitive people, Easy places like crowded
restaurants or concerts, amusement parks can be very overwhelming and it can create a
sensory overload. Because they're picking up on all kinds of vibrations and verbal
cues and non -verbal cues. And this can be true for something simple like watching
the news, which can be very triggering for an empath. But on the pro side of the
ledger, empaths also have a very deep capacity to connect to others. They have a
deep capacity to love deeply and to relate profoundly and to empathize to people in
all walks of life. And this is something that I've unknowingly struggled with for
most of my life too. I would often pick up on other people's emotions without
having ever met them. I would often walk into a room and often pick up on the
energy of one person who was struggling. Now, again, kind of a blessing kind of
occurs, particularly in a big corporate job like I had, where I was constantly
bombarded with meetings and people and a lot of stress and politics. So it served
me really well in a management capacity with my executive team, but I also didn't
have the tools to not let it drain me throughout the workday with other people. So
when I first became a coach, I didn't know the difference between being empathetic
and being an empath. And I didn't know the difference between holding space for
someone and getting into the pool with them. I think I've talked about these phrases
in the podcast before. Holding space is being able to listen to someone's story or
stories without taking on the emotion, without needing to solve or feeling like you
need to solve for all their problems. Getting in the pool with someone is when
you're taking on not just the emotion but you feel like you need to save the
drowning person. So you jump in the pool with them. And we both know that when you
jump in a pool with a drowning person, you're most likely to both drown. What you
need to do is offer them a life preserver. And look, I'm not saying you shouldn't
jump in and save somebody who's drowning. What I'm saying is You have to bring a
tool for them to save themselves because otherwise a drowning person is going to
pull you down and drown too. So it's the same for empaths. Empaths are always
picking up on nonverbal cues and overthinking about what everybody else is feeling
and needing. And then they tend to go overboard in making everyone happy. I should
say everyone else happy. And as I've discussed in so many of my your episodes,
there's a connection between the perfectionist, the people -pleaser, the over -thinker,
and the empath. So how do we embrace our inner empath without losing ourselves,
without draining our proverbial batteries, and without making ourselves sick physically
or emotionally, or by taking on other people's feelings and problems? Well,
there's a few steps, and you might want to take out a pen and paper If you're
feeling like you're an empath or you've been told you're an empath or you're not
sure how to manage your empathic nature There's some tools that i'm going to give
you here So the first one is setting boundaries I think that setting boundaries
probably deserves a whole podcast unto itself because I talk about it so much But
boundaries are one of the hardest things to create when we've spent our whole lives
not having any because oftentimes as children we weren't given permission to set
boundaries with our parents or an authority figure. So when we finally grew up and
we have the freedom to sort of make our own rules, it's not a muscle that's often
well developed. But boundaries are a crucial tool to have, especially if you're an
empath. If someone is consistently draining your energy, then it's incumbent upon you
to say no or suggest that they find professional help. Say listen,
I've taken this as far as I can or I don't think I'm equipped to help you in
this area. I think you should see a counselor or a therapist or a coach and you
can do that in a very kind, non -judgmental, loving way and still be their friend
and still be a confidant but not having to play a role of something that's bigger
than you, or it might mean just distancing yourself from certain people or
situations, some of the time, to give yourself some space and some grace. It's okay
to give yourself permission to set a boundary. So the next one is self -care.
Now I know I'm a broken record on this subject because self -care is the foundation
of my work as a coach, but When we take care of ourselves, we show up better in
the world, not just for ourselves, but for others too. And we set a good example
for those around us. Because if you don't practice self -care, then people are not
inclined to treat you well either. You're telling people how to treat you by how
you treat yourself. Alright, the next step, journaling. Journaling is a super powerful
tool in letting go of the excess noise in our heads. We often let negative thoughts
and worries ruminate, keeping us awake at night or often bringing us just down with
catastrophic thoughts. But when we journal, it's like letting steam out of the pot
before it boils over. Your thoughts and feelings have a place to go. Instead of
swirling around your head, they end up on a piece of paper. They get out of your
body. All right, here's another trick, mindful practice. Now,
this is again part of my basic self -care recommendation. I recommend meditation, but
any kind of mindful quiet practice, like walking, doing something creative, which can
be an art project, gardening, again, journaling, cooking, can work from decompressing
from other people's emotions. You pick the type of mindful practice that works for
you. But just doing something that is soulful and soothing and quiet can be a great
release from the stress that maybe you've taken on from somebody else. Another tool
is implementing a visualization practice. So if you find yourself easily overwhelmed
at big parties or networking events, Imagine a wall of glass between you and the
person you might be talking to. You can see them, you can hear them, but the glass
protects you from the unnecessary bombardment of energy that might emanate from them.
Now you can use this tool in business meetings or even intimate dinner parties where
you might be overwhelmed by a certain individual's energy. Another hack is to get
back to nature. Spending time in nature, whether it's walking amongst trees or
walking barefoot in the grass, spending time near a body of water, whether it's a
lake, a river, an ocean, a stream, all can be very cleansing for the soul. And
it's a great way to reset and release energy. So you can embrace your inner empath
as a superpower. You have a gift, but you don't have to save everybody.
The world needs you, But you cannot help others if you don't take care of yourself
first. So it's important to know your limitations and it's important to honor your
own needs. How many times have we heard the expression "put on your own oxygen mask
first" before helping others? This is especially true for empaths.
So if this has been something you've struggled with in your personal or professional
life, try using some of these tools to protect your well -being while still showing
up for those you care about. All right, friends, I hope you have a great week and
I will talk to you next time. Thank you for listening to this episode of The
Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying these episodes, please subscribe or
follow this podcast so you can always be in the know when the next episode drops.
If you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach, you can connect
with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I
-N -I -S .com.