You are listening to episode 93 of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. Today, we're
going to talk about courage, fear, and embracing failure. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there, and welcome back. So today I thought I would dive into a topic that
resonates with all of us. And that is courage. Courage is not just a word,
it's a force that propels us beyond our comfort zone. But the interesting thing
about courage is why do so many of us lack it in certain aspects of our life.
We often think that fear is the opposite of courage, but that's not entirely true.
In fact, I think it's more of a spectrum. That is, they can coexist simultaneously
within an individual. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the ability to
confront it and then manage it in a pursuit of a greater purpose or goal. So I
think in many cases, courage arises precisely because of fear. It's the decision to
move forward despite feeling afraid.
So for example, a firefighter might rush into a burning building or an individual
might speak up against an injustice. And Both may experience fear,
but they choose to act courageously nonetheless.
So let's kind of peel that onion. It's crucial to acknowledge the complexity of
fear. Fear is a primal instinct wired into our brains as a survival mechanism.
And it served our ancestors well when facing immediate physical threats like
predators. But one reason we may lack courage is our tendency to overestimate the
potential risks while underestimating our ability to cope with them. Our minds have a
remarkable ability to conjure up worst case scenarios. I think I spoke about this in
several podcasts, but definitely in the negativity bias podcast. And what that does
is it paralyzes us into inaction. So additionally, societal norms,
things like peer pressure and past experiences, can shape our perception of fear,
which leads us to avoid situations that challenge the status quo. So how do we
overcome it? Well, overcoming fear requires a conscious effort to reframe our mindset
and develop resilience. And one powerful technique is exposure therapy. That's where
you gradually confront your fears in manageable doses to desensitize yourself to them.
So by facing our fears head -on, we can dismantle their hold over us and then build
our confidence and our ability to navigate challenging situations. So this technique
is often used when dealing with some of those classic fears or phobias, like fear
of flying, or fear of spiders, or fear of heights. It's all about desensitizing the
brain towards these things that are terrifying for us, but in little baby increments.
But I'm actually not talking about classic fears or phobias. I'm talking about
something much more subtle and actually more confronting on a daily basis. And that
is fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of rejection,
and fear of embarrassment. And these show up in all kinds of ways, like creating a
dating profile when you're single, or finishing a creative project, or writing an
email to a potential employer, or putting a post on social media,
or planning a party, or applying for a new job, or asking for a raise,
or having a difficult conversation with your partner.
Tackling these fears can also benefit from exposure therapy, just like the classic
fears or phobias, that is practicing these skills in small but consistent ways.
But how do we get started when the fear is so paralyzing? Well,
the first step is self -compassion, something I talk about in almost every podcast.
And that is just being kind to yourself and getting curious as to where your fears
might be coming from. So perhaps there was a childhood experience that caused one of
these emotions, failure, judgment, rejection, or embarrassment. Or perhaps it's just
the fear of the unknown. Acknowledging that it's okay to feel afraid and then being
kind to ourselves fosters inner strength and resilience.
Okay, so what's the next step? After we get in touch with the fears and become
sort of private investigators about where are they coming from? What is the past
experience that has caused this fear? Or what did we see? see or what we told that
created this fear. So what's the next step after we get in touch with our fears?
Well, it's to create or find a supportive network. This can be friends, family, or
mentors. They just need to encourage and uplift us. And then that can provide the
emotional scaffolding we need to take bolder steps forward with. And when I first
became a coach, I was afraid of all things marketing. I was fearless about coaching.
I loved it. I was good at it. I felt confident in it. But the marketing of being
an entrepreneur or the marketing of coaching was just terrifying to me. I was afraid
to post on social media. I was afraid to send out weekly newsletters. I was afraid
to do this podcast. My fears ran the gamut, and they were based on the fact that
I was afraid of doing it wrong, and I was afraid that the technology was unfamiliar
and I would screw it up, and I was afraid that I'd embarrass myself, or I was
afraid that I would be bothering people. And that paralyzed me. But then I had an
awesome assistant who helped me through the tech, and then I had several coaching
friends support me in how I chose to create content and market myself. And while I
was looking at other coaches and other business owners on Facebook Lives or Instagram
Lives or doing TikToks, I was like, "Well, that's just not me. I can't do it or I
don't want to do it or it's just not who I am." I spent my entire former career
behind the camera, so the thought of getting in front of the camera was enough to
make me want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. But what I
learned was I really liked writing and I really liked podcasting, although admittedly
that was scary too. But then this magical thing happened. Just by showing up every
week to write a blog or do a podcast, I started to become more brave.
And the interesting thing that happened was that clients, friends, and even strangers
started reaching out to me to tell me how much they enjoyed those newsletters and
podcasts. Some would tell me they would reread what I wrote and some would re
-listen to the episodes and then they would recommend or share it with their friends.
And slowly my fears started to subside and my courage started to emerge. Now,
if I'm being honest, I still get nervous every week when I sit down to write a
blog post or craft a podcast, but I try to focus on serving others and that keeps
me out of the paralysis. But look, despite our best efforts, various factors can
sabotage our courage. One of the most common culprits is the fear of failure.
Our society so stigmatizes failure as something to be ashamed of,
and they overlook it as a potential or catalyst for growth. The fear of judgment or
ridicule can deter us from taking risks and trap us in a cycle of conformity and
stagnation. And then there's one of my favorite saboteurs, perfectionism,
also known as the silent killer of courage. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness
sets impossibly high leaders leading to procrastination and avoidance of challenges to
avoid potential failure. So it's crucial to recognize the courage is not about being
perfect, but it's about showing up authentically and embracing vulnerability. And most
importantly, it's about consistency. So another way to shift our mindset away from
perfectionism is to learn to embrace failure. I'm going to caution you here for one
second. Don't confuse embracing failure with self -sabotage. There is a difference
between avoidance, paralysis, self -sabotage, or trying to fail.
Embracing failure is different. When someone embraces failure, they see failure not as
an end, but as a natural part of the learning process and personal growth.
It's basically five pillars. The first is learning opportunity. Every setback is a
chance to learn. And instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of failure,
individuals who embrace failure focus on what went wrong and how they can improve it
in the future. The second is resilience. Rather than being discouraged by setbacks,
individuals who embrace failure bounce back stronger. They understand that failure is
temporary and that the perseverance is key to eventual success.
Think of the image of a rubber band being stretched farther backwards only to launch
further forwards.
Okay, the third pillar, innovation. Failure often precedes innovation.
By experimenting and pushing boundaries, we increase our chances of discovering new
ideas and solutions. Let's take Apple's first attempt at the personal digital
assistant, called the Newton, some of you probably never even heard of it. In 1993,
I think it was released, and by 1997 it was completely shut down as a total
failure. But the Newton's failure prompted Apple to rethink its approach to mobile
devices, which led to the development of the iPhone, which revolutionized the
smartphone industry.
Okay, number four. When failure is embraced, the fear diminishes. All right,
let's take Thomas Edison, for example. He held over a thousand patents. He had
inventions ranging from the phonograph, to the incandescent light bulb, to the motion
picture camera, to alkaline storage batteries. However, Edison also experienced many
failures throughout his career, including numerous unsuccessful attempts to developing a
practical electric light bulb before he finally succeeded. Alright,
what's the fifth? Personal growth. Embracing failure allows individuals to confront
their weaknesses, adapt to change, and develop new skills. Over time, this continuous
cycle of learning and improvement leads to greater self -awareness and fulfillment. In
other words, we become more confident in the process of failure. How weird is that?
So the question is, why are some people more brave than others?
Are they just born with it? Well, it turns out that genetics and personality traits
may play a role. It's essential to recognize that courage is a skill that can be
cultivated and honed over time. One factor that distinguishes courageous individuals is
their ability to reframe fear as an opportunity for growth. So instead of viewing
challenges as insurmountable obstacles, they see them as stepping stones towards
personal development and fulfillment. It's those same five pillars of embracing
failure. Seeing it as a learning opportunity, resilience, innovation, personal growth,
and reducing fear. So courage flourishes in environments that nurture autonomy.
That doesn't mean being alone or being always individualistic. It's just saying it's
okay to do it your way. And by having a support system, whether that's at work or
at home or wherever, by embracing that autonomy, you are more likely to be braver
and more likely to step into that courageous mindset. So I think it bears repeating.
Courage isn't the absence of fear, but the willingness to act in spite of it.
So by understanding the roots of our fears, practicing self -compassion and embracing
failure, we can learn to overcome our fears and cultivate courage. When we step out
of our comfort zones and live boldly, we allow the spark of courage to ignite. And
one of my favorite thoughts when embarking on a courageous act is that you might be
the solution to someone else's problem, whether that's falling in love, getting a new
job, opening lines of communication, or letting someone know that you have an
expertise they need. So let people know that you're here and that you have something
to offer and be courageous.
So your homework for this week is to take one small step forward on that thing
that you've been so afraid of, but you know you really want to conquer it. And if
you need my help, reach out to me and let's talk about working together. All right
friends, as always, I thank you for listening and I look forward to talking to you
next time. Have an awesome week. Bye for now.
