You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 114. This is the one
where I talk about finding joy after grief and meeting my new puppy. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just wanna feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach,
Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there, and welcome back. For those of you who are regular listeners of this
podcast or follow my weekly newsletter, you might know that it has been almost three
months since I lost my best furry companion of 12 years. That's my dog Blaze. And
if you're an animal lover, you know the grief can be very heavy because sometimes
your pet doesn't feel like a pet. It feels like the loss of a family member. And
for me, it kind of left a hole in my heart, and I had trouble imagining being
able to bond to another dog, again the way I did Blaze. My husband, who's the
lesser animal lover of the two of us, definitely was not ready to take on another
dog or another pet. He was still in shock from losing Blaze so suddenly last
October. While we were Obviously in agreement that we should take some time before
running out and adopting another dog, several weeks went by and my grief was not
lifting. I would randomly start welling up on my drive home by just the thought of
coming home to an empty house without him. And one of my dear friends and tennis
partners, who happens to be a psychiatrist, came over and we were talking. And I
told her I was feeling very sad and distracted and having a lot of trouble
concentrating and I asked her if she thought I was depressed and she shook her head
and said no you're not depressed you're grieving and there's a big difference. I
asked her what she would recommend and very simply she said you need to get another
dog I said is that your medical opinion and if so can I get a doctor's note for
that prescription because I don't think my husband wants another dog. And we both
giggled, and she said, "Just get another dog." This prompted me to start researching
different dog breeders in Hawaii. My husband's requirements remain the same as they
did when we got Blaze. If we were to get another dog, it would still need to be
under 25 pounds and non -shedding. So another friend of mine had recently adopted and
mini golden doodle and I had met him once. He was a darling bucket of love.
We had run into each other one night, few nights after I had lost Blaze and this
eight month old puppy came barreling towards me and licked my face and he was so
adorable and he had just like the sweetest, most loving energy.
And I remember thinking in that moment, if I would ever get another dog. Maybe this
would be the right breed for me. So after my conversation with my friend the
psychiatrist, I then texted my friend who had the mini golden doodle and I asked
her where she got her dog. She said funny you should ask. He was born here on
Maui but my breeder just had another litter a few days ago. So of course I
immediately called the breeder and she told me there were 10 puppies and that they
would be available at the end of January when they were 8 weeks old. So all I had
to do was put down a deposit and then I would have the second pick of the litter.
And I truly believed this incredible serendipity had to be a sign that it was all
meant to be. My husband had come home later that afternoon and I was bursting with
excitement to share my news. I mean first the recommendation from my friend the
psychiatrist who said it would be good for my grief to adopt another dog. My
friend's breeder who had just had a new litter of this puppy that I just fell in
love with a few weeks ago. And then this breed, the mini golden doodle, meeting all
of my husband's criteria of being friendly and under 25 pounds and non -shedding and
here on the island, which it's not that easy to find reputable breeders on the
islands. So, I was so thrilled and I thought he would see the smile on my face
and maybe I thought he'd be kind of intoxicated with my enthusiasm. But
unfortunately, he didn't share my enthusiasm. It was like a big, cold,
wet blanket on my bonfire of enthusiasm. Because he said he was simply not ready.
He was still in shock from losing our other dog so quickly. He wanted to spend
some time without the extra responsibility of a pet and basically said I'm just not
ready. And I was so disappointed because I thought somehow he could see that I had
been so sad and that the way these things all lined up seemed so like divine
intervention. And I thought, well, doesn't he want to make me happy, and doesn't he
want me to be happy, and doesn't he see that this is kind of like an opportunity?
But he wanted to wait another six months or a year and then talk about it. And so
I took a pause, and instead of arguing about it, I just listened,
and I said, okay, I hear you. I'm not sure I agree with you, but I hear you.
And we just didn't talk about it for about 24 hours. And then he came back to me
and he said, "I'm not saying yes, but I am willing to go like meet the parents
and the breeder and see the vibe of the whole litter and the dogs and all the
things." And so that's what we did. We took a baby step and we went to meet the
parents. And we both really liked the breeders and the father and mother of the
pups. And I have to say my husband was still reluctant, but eventually he caved in
and said, "If this is what you really want, I think this is a great breed." So of
course I put down my deposit, and while it would be another six weeks until we
could take our puppy home, I felt an immediate shift, and the shift that I felt
was not that it took away my grief, but it kind of gave me hope, like hope that
there was joy out there. And while nothing could ever replace Blaze, knowing that a
new puppy was coming was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. So,
did I have doubts about adopting a new puppy? Yes. I know the responsibility of
training was going to fall all on my shoulders and I was going to be a bit of a
single parent, if you will, in this endeavor. Was I worried whether or not this was
the right breed. Was I worried we'd get a good puppy? Was I worried I'd love him
as much as Blaze? If I'm being honest, yes. I was a little worried about all those
things because they are unknown variables. You never know anything for sure. But when
we returned a few weeks later to pick out our puppy, since they were too little to
determine personality when we were there the first time, they were just one week
old. And my youngest daughter was with us. She had this marvelous idea, which was
to sit in the puppy pen and let all 10 puppies sort of crawl on us and see which
ones came to us and see which personalities we connected to. She knew I wanted a
mellow dog. So when the one with the little green bow crawled into my lap and fell
asleep, she said, "Mom, that's your dog." And now last week,
the puppies were finally ready to be picked up and taken home. So I picked up my
three -pound caramel -colored male puppy from the breeder last week, and I named him
Milo. And he has totally stolen my heart. Having this puppy has been a great
reminder that grief and joy can coexist. They're not mutually exclusive,
and they can both be part of the same journey because the truth is I still miss
Blaze and I feel a certain sadness when I see his photo hanging on my wall
although I also love seeing his face every day but I can also feel gratitude for
the joy of my new puppy the one that's eager to learn and love and cover me and
kisses and Milo is so smart and so adorable and so loving.
Just in the five days that I've had him at home, he's already learned to sit on
command, he's learned to go potty outside, he's learned to lay quietly next to my
desk while I work, he sits in my lap during my morning meditation, and he seems to
be taking really well to his crate training. Was it a big leap of faith to
puppy? Yes. Do I have to curtail some of my life to adjust to all the training?
Yes. Is it a lot of work? Yes, especially when I'm getting up in the pitch black
at five in the morning because he's done sleeping and needs to go outside to go
potty. Were there any guarantees that this was the right decision, the right dog or
the right timing? No. But was it worth it? A hundred 100%.
So sometimes when we're navigating loss, whether it be a loved one,
a job, a relationship, or even just a dream we had, we don't know how long to
grieve, or even how to grieve. Because there is no roadmap, and there's no right or
wrong way to do it. Just like I said in my prior podcast on grief,
give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. But if you're ready to feel joy
again and you have an opportunity to let a little light back into your own personal
darkness, don't let someone tell you that it's wrong or too soon. It's okay to make
a change or to take a baby step towards something that feels hopeful. For me,
that light looks like a wagging tail and the tiny paws of a puppy named Milo.
And if you'd like to follow the adventures of Milo with the new photos and videos,
be sure to follow me on Instagram @jackiedecrinis. Alright friends,
take care of yourself and let's keep finding our way towards joy together. I look
forward to talking to you next time, and bye for now.
