You are listening to the Overthinker's Guide to Joy, episode 115. This is the one
where we talk about mindfulness, how to slow down and be present,
and all the benefits that come from it. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there and welcome back. So for those of you who are wondering about how it's
going with my new puppy Milo, well, he's almost 11 weeks old and he is learning
new things every day. But the big surprise to me is that I'm learning too.
And what I mean by I'm learning is not just having a new puppy. And although this
is not my first rodeo having a puppy, it's been about 12 years. So I am definitely
rusty. And if I'm being totally honest, I'm not sure I did a very good job
training my last puppy, because Blaze in some ways was trained because he was super
loving or naturally loving. He followed me everywhere. And he was like the snuggliest
little dog you ever met. And he wasn't a biter or a chewer. But he did have
terrible separation anxiety and anxiety in general. And I have jokingly would always
say that it's probably why we were very codependent, because he didn't like me to
leave him. And then I felt badly every time I did. He was also an incessant barker
of anything outside like birds or anything that came to the door. Milo,
on the other hand, is a different breed and a totally different personality. He is
not clingy. He does not seem to be codependent. He's very independent. But he's a
bit of a chewer, which a lot of puppies are, and he's also gone from being a
sleepy little low -key puppy to one that is full of energy. But I am very committed
to training this puppy. Not just crate training and housebreaking, but all the basic
commands, like sit and stay, and I don't want him to pull on a leash, and I wanna
teach him not to chew on furniture and shoes, and most especially not people. And
he really is very smart, and he's a fast learner. But what's really Interesting is
how much he's teaching, or dare I say, training me. I am a world -class multitasker,
and I pride myself on efficiency. But as I have gotten older,
or perhaps I should say wiser, I've come to learn and I preach that multitasking
isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Multitasking, which is almost a prerequisite
for being a high -powered business person and certainly a working parent, it's not a
good operating strategy day -to -day. It's okay in a crisis, but when it comes to
managing your own anxiety and your relationships, it really does more damage than
good. Now, I've done podcasts around the subject of multitasking before and how it
really isn't that good for us. But today I want to explore the science behind it.
And that is attention. What's happening in our brains when we're present and how
distractions, especially our phones, impact our ability to focus.
So there's two main types of attention. There's focused attention and sustained
attention. And focused attention is focusing on one task at a time,
like reading or conversing with somebody. Sustained attention is the ability to focus
on a task over time, like when you're at work or while listening to someone talk,
say a lecture, for example, or even this podcast. So the prefrontal cortex is key
in both types of attention. This is the part of the brain that helps with decision
-making, focus, and impulse control. But the million -dollar question is,
why is it so hard to pay attention, sustained or focused?
Well, first let's talk about that neurotransmitter that everyone loves, dopamine.
Dopamine is that chemical that lights up our brain when we do things like take a
bite of sugar, or when we get a text from someone we like, or when we get a
bunch of likes on an Instagram post, all of those are dopamine hits. But dopamine
is addictive. And as human beings, we're always looking for that next dopamine hit.
And sometimes that can show up like buying something online or in a store.
Sometimes it can be coffee, it can be falling in love, it can be getting a job or
getting a job offer. All of those things create that kind of dopamine hit.
And like I said, because smartphones and constant notifications, whether it's email,
texts, or even just on an app, that keeps feeding that addictive loop of needing
more and more meat. So because of our addiction to our smartphones and all that is
available to us on them, multitasking and that need for that next dopamine hit is a
very hard habit to break. And when we switch tasks, that is,
we lose focus on one and go to another, we need time to get back into the rhythm
of the original task. So why am I bringing this up regarding my puppy training
endeavors? Well, it turns out I thought I was on a pretty good role on the puppy
training. I got my puppy to sleep in his crate through the night from 9 p .m. to
6 30 a .m. by the third night and he was waiting to go potty until the morning.
So I thought that was a major victory. He even started using a string of bells
that I tied to my office door during the day when he needed to go outside to go
potty. Again, another victory. He was playing with his own toys, he was being very
quiet during my client sessions on phone and Zoom, but then all of a sudden I
noticed that if I got on the floor to play with him and I was checking my phone
or I was trying to have a conversation on my phone, he started biting me and
acting really, really rambunctious. It was like he was a different dog.
So I'm thinking to myself, well what happened to my mellow little sleepy good
listening puppy? Why was he being such a terror all of a sudden? And then I
realized it wasn't him that changed, it was me. When I sat on the floor with him
I was signaling to him that I was coming down to his level and he thought it's
time to play. And I thought well I could throw the ball with him or play with him
on the floor but I could still finish my phone call or I could write a few things
down or I could check my emails. But for him playing means chewing and running and
jumping and if I was looking at my phone or trying to write on a pad of paper he
could feel my attention diverted. It was me that was causing him to act out.
And when I put my phone down or I put my pad of paper down, and I really focused
on him, he swapped out chewing on my fingers for an appropriate chew toy. He
brought the ball to me to play fetch. He even sat quietly next to me and chewed
on one of his puppy bully sticks. The only thing that changed was that I stopped
multitasking Because I was now present Now I was mindful of him even when I wasn't
interacting with him while he chewed or chased his ball But he could tell I was
still paying attention to him and that made him happy. So he stopped acting out and
That was when a light bulb went off for me And I thought this 10 -week -old little
guy is teaching me a lesson about nature and connection. He's reminding me about the
importance of mindfulness and being present. And it turns out that studies show that
mindfulness can reduce stress and anxiety by lowering activity in the amygdala. That's
the stress center of the brain. And it increases activity in the prefrontal cortex.
That's the area of the brain that's responsible for regulation and focus. So in
other words, we both became calmer when we were focused on each other.
But this really goes for everything, not just puppies and their human counterparts. I
coach a number of couples, and one of the biggest arguments that occurs with all
couples is when one person is talking and the other is looking at their phone.
Whether it's a work thing or video games or apps or texts or just managing their
calendar, nothing makes couples angrier than not having their undivided attention of
their partner when they are talking to them. Women in general already don't think
their husbands are listening but this goes for some men too and certainly this
dynamic goes for same -sex couples as well Because when someone is fully present,
it improves the relationship. Because when you give someone your undivided attention,
they feel heard and valued. And the same is true for our children,
our employees, our coworkers, our bosses, our friends, and clearly,
our pets.
So what are some practical takeaways from this? Well, the first one is really
obvious. Put your phone away during key moments, whether that's meals,
family time, or meetings if possible. The second is practice active listening.
When interacting with someone, practice listening without interrupting or planning your
response. Now, I have to it. For years, I thought being engaged in a lively
conversation meant constantly chiming in, interrupting, and finishing someone's
sentences. I didn't know that this is not active listening. It's just active
interrupting. And being present or mindful also means taking a pause and being
mindful of yourself, your own breathing, slowing down,
slowing your roll. And notice what happens when you give yourself a few minutes to
literally catch your breath and then mindfully breathe.
Another action of mindfulness is to be aware and appreciative of simple pleasures,
like eating and drinking,
like taking a hot shower, like jumping into a refreshing pool, like taking time to
walk on the beach, not just inhaling your food or guzzling a glass of water,
but really savoring a meal, commenting on it, chewing slowly, drinking a cold glass
of water or a hot cup of coffee and spending a moment to just be grateful for
that.
This is mindfulness and this is how you connect to others more deeply and how you
connect to yourself so that you stop feeling like a pinball in a pinball machine.
And just to be super clear, I am not perfect at any of this.
I'm not a saint, I'm not on a soapbox, and I'm no different than you. I needed my
10 -week old puppy to remind me that I was revisiting an old bad habit. I was
trying to multitask, and that is I was trying to answer texts and emails while
playing with him, and he wasn't having it. So he was being kind of naughty by
biting and jumping on me, and he was basically letting me know that I was kind of
being naughty too. So today, here's your homework. Just practice being a little more
present when you are with others, or even all by yourself. And see if you don't
feel just a little less anxious and a little less overwhelmed by just being present.
Alright friends, that is what I have for you today. As always, I thank you for
listening, and if you want to connect with me and find out about other ways to
feel more calm and less anxious, find me on my website at jackiedecrinis.com.
I look forward to talking to you next time, and bye for now.
website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.
