Ep #74: How to Replace Bad Habits with Good Ones

You are listening to the Overthinker's Guide to Joy, episode 74. This is the one
where I'm going to talk all about habits, how to break bad ones, how to develop
good ones and how to make it easy so they stick. Let's dive in. This is a podcast
for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of feeling over anxious
and just want to feel better. I'm your host certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there. I'm back. So for those of you who follow along with the podcast on an
every other week basis, you know that my last week was a repeat episode on
perfectionism, which many of you told me was really helpful because like most
perfectionists, it's hard to get it right the first time. We need to hear those
messages over and over again to let it sink into our thick skulls that it's okay
to not be perfect. So thank you all for the kind notes and words for people who
did listen again and responded to the last episode. But anyway, I'm back.
And again, for those of you who either get my newsletter or follow me on Facebook
or Instagram, you know that I took a two week vacation with my family to Europe,
where I proceeded to get COVID for 10 of my 14 days, which was no fun,
although I clearly survived it. It made for a lot of funny stories, like me sitting
in the backseat of the car, navigating through three different countries with my
husband and daughter in the front seat, and then arguing over whether or not the
GPS was actually accurate. And then my daughter for her to sit in the back seat so
she didn't have to argue with her dad or the GPS as to whether or not we were
going in the right direction in countries that we were not familiar with. But all
of it was very comical. And the most important thing was that I really stepped out
of my comfort zone. As I mentioned in my last newsletter a few weeks ago,
I don't love to travel. I find it insanely inconvenient. I'm not a very good
packing person, packer. What's the appropriate word? I don't like to pack.
And I definitely don't like to schlep luggage. I find it very hard on my body.
I don't travel particularly well. I don't have fear of flying or any of those
things. But it's very hard for me to sleep on an airplane. I don't adjust to new
time zones. I'm super picky about food. I'm kind of a pain in the ass. But what I
found was my worst fear happened, which was I got sick on vacation and I didn't
have the creature comforts of my own bed or home or medications or doctors.
And I survived it. And I was kind of fine. Not ideal. I wouldn't wish it on
anybody. I don't hope my next trip has something like that. But I have to say, you
kind of figure it out. And it's a great lesson once again in perfectionism, which
is nothing is perfect. No matter how much you plan, and by the way, I had five
vaccines, I wear a mask in public places, I constantly wash my hands, I eat a
really healthy diet, I exercise, I do all the things. And I still got it, 'cause
you know what? It's a virus, and it was a global pandemic for three and a half
years, and I don't know, maybe it was my turn to get it. But I ended up having a
pretty nice vacation in spite of it all in spite of being uncomfortable at times
and in spite of fearing that my family was going to get infected which they did
not nor did my distant relatives who we went to see and I got to enjoy the beauty
of the Austrian and German Alps and the fresh air and the mountains and I even got
to do some hiking and walking and eat great food and it was all good. So now I'm
back and I'm trying to play catch up because three weeks post boning my clients and
not recording a podcast and not doing any newsletters and not really doing much of
anything has put me a little bit behind the A -ball or is the term in front of
the A -ball? I don't know, but whatever, I'm behind. And I got a note from my
podcast producer this morning as I was getting off with another client. And she's
like, hi, your podcast is due today for editing if you want to be on the air next
week. And I was like, I am going to get right to it, but I'm going to have to
wing it a little bit. So normally, I'm a little bit more studied, I'm a little bit
more researched. And today, I'm just kind of coming to talk to you about where I've
been, what I've been doing, and the theme of the week, what's been coming up a lot
in my sessions. Because I think it is of great value. And I think even for myself,
I kind of learned this lesson on my vacation. So here's the thing. The common
thread of this week's discussions or sessions has been habits.
And I've done episodes on this before because I've talked a lot about atomic habits
written by James Clear, and I've talked about BJ Fogg's book, Tiny Habits. Both of
those authors have studied the science of creating habits,
breaking habits, and why having good habits is a lifetime goal and how to break
negative habits and why it's important to break negative habits. The reason I'm
bringing this up is because the fundamentals of my work, if anybody has worked with
me or has followed this podcast, as everyone knows, is that home model, that
hydration, observer levels, meditate, exercise. Those are my daily habits that I
recommend to all my clients, and it is something that I live by as well every day.
And even for those of us who are very ritualistic and disciplined, We all have bad
habits. I am a card -carrying bad habit girl too. I have shed most of my really
bad habits, like eating a lot of processed food and I used to smoke cigarettes.
Yes, that was an admission I made in a podcast long ago when I was in high school
and college and a little bit post college. But for the most part, I really try to
live and lead a healthy lifestyle and be a model to clients that I coach, but I
still have bad habits. I still fall down rabbit holes, just like most people on
Instagram and Facebook and TikTok. I still occasionally binge watch Netflix because it
feels good to numb out periodically. I periodically overeat foods that I know I have
absolutely absolutely no business overeating, not too much of a drinker, I don't do
drugs, so I don't have those typical bad habits, but I have my own version of it.
And what I noticed this week was when I was talking to my clients, a number of
them were talking about feeling triggered in their day -to -day life. And there's a
lot of talk about what triggers you. you know, somebody says something, it triggers
you. There's a circumstance that happens, it triggers you. You don't feel appreciated,
that can be a trigger. Somebody speaks unkindly to you, that can be a trigger.
There's all kinds of triggers. And depending on what our past history is, childhood
trauma, former relationships, everybody's triggers are different. Many of us have the
same. And that's really the subject of today's podcast, bad habits are often tied to
triggers, usually emotional triggers, but sometimes environmental triggers. And so if
you are somebody who struggles with trying to quit smoking, smoking may be something
you do when you're irritated, smoking may be something you do when you feel you
deserve a reward. Smoking may be something you do when you're bored. The same goes
for things like drinking, overeating, scrolling on TikTok. And I'm not talking about
for five minutes, but like, you know, hours, you know what I mean, you've like
looked at the clock, it was five minutes, and then suddenly three hours have gone
by and you're like, Oh my God, I've been sitting in this chair scrolling TikTok
videos, binge watching Netflix, online shopping, gambling, pornography.
they're all forms of addiction. And when you do something in moderation,
it's not an addiction. So that includes drinking and eating and to some degree,
smoking and Netflix and all the things. But when it becomes difficult to find your
own limit or to be able to self -regulate, that's an addiction. And while it may
not require you to go to AA or overeaters anonymous or counsel with a
psychotherapist, it still may be some habit that you wish you didn't have or you
wish you could self -regulate. And that was the subject that came up with a number
of my clients this week. So we were talking about how do we get out of that habit
where we're triggered by an event, or a conversation, or a judgment,
or a circumstance, or again, the most common one, boredom.
How do we get out of the habit of falling into our pattern of addiction or
perpetuating that negative habit loop that I was talking about? Like my husband's
late, or dinner's ruined, or my kids didn't put their dishes away, or they didn't
do their homework, or everyone left their socks on the floor, their wet towel on
the bathroom floor, and that trigger of, oh, that makes me want to go have a glass
of wine, or that makes me want to go have a cigarette, or that makes me want to
go have a pint of a hog and doze, or that makes me want to open a bag of potato
chips. Whatever that habit is that is tied to that feeling, the question is how do
we stop that connection? How do we stop that habit? How do we get control so that
we can self -regulate? So according to chapters in both Tiny Habits and in James
Clear's book, Atomic Habits, part of it is recognizing the trigger,
recognizing the emotion or the feeling that is coming up for you.
So when you're bored or when you're irritated or when you've been slided or you've
been ghosted or whatever the thing is, address the feeling. Feel the feeling in your
body. Take a minute and say, either, you know, inside your head or verbally,
I feel annoyed, or I feel sad, or I feel invisible. And then ask yourself,
where does it show up in your body? Is it like in your gut? Does it feel like a
gut punch? Does it feel like it's tightening your chest? Does it close your throat?
Does it give you a headache? I get a lot of headaches. Does it give you muscle
tension in the back of your head? Usually it'll show up at the same place in your
body because again, that's a habitual loop. So trigger happens, neurological
connections connect. And so people who are prone to stomach aches will get a stomach
ache. People who are prone to tension headaches, we'll get a tension headache or a
migraine, people who are prone to chest pain will get chest pain, muscle cramps,
whatever it is. But notice where it shows up in your body and say, "I see you." I
mean, again, say it out loud, write it down, or just acknowledge in your own brain,
"I'm having this response to this circumstance." And then ask yourself,
"What's your go -to? What would you like to do after your kid refused to pick up
the wet towel, or your husband came in 30 minutes late and ruined dinner again, or
your boss just yelled at you, or your girlfriend forgot to invite you to lunch with
your other girlfriends, or somebody didn't respond to a text, or whatever it is that
triggered you. Ask yourself, what's your go -to response? Is your go -to response to
go to the kitchen and have a snack? And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with
having a snack, but is it An emotional snack or is it you're really hungry and
your blood sugar is low and you need something or is your go to scroll through
your instagram feed and see how many likes you got on your last post. Or is it to
numb out at tiktok or is it to grab a cigarette or is it to have a drink or is
it to eat a, you know, thc gummy or get high or whatever, but like notice the
thought notice the feeling, and then ask yourself, "What would be your go -to band
-aid, if you will, to pacify this feeling of being irritated,
annoyed, ignored, whatever the emotion is?" And then take a pause, like rather than
just grabbing your phone or grabbing that drink or grabbing that potato chip or ice
cream, ask yourself, "What else can you do? Now, many of you know I'll often say
take a sip of water because it calms you down, and often people are dehydrated
anyway, so taking a sip of water is a great way to sort of break the cycle or
the pattern. Taking a deep breath, counting backwards from five, going outside and
getting some fresh air if that's a possibility, splashing some cold water on your
face, taking a walk if you can, if you have time, if it's like late in the
evening and you're just bored, take a hot bath, take a cold shower, walk on the
treadmill, read a book, flip through the magazine, call a friend, light a candle,
meditate for two minutes. Like what is an alternative to the bad habit that you
were looking to control anyway. So sometimes it's really just breaking the
neurological pathway that says trigger, thought,
emotion, habit, and disrupting the associated habit with a different habit.
So I'll give you an example. Every morning I get up, feed my dog, take him out,
empty the dishwasher, brush my teeth, drink a glass of water, and then I sit down
and meditate. That's sort of like my morning ritual, and it rarely varies.
But what I've noticed is, lately, I will look through my emails and my texts
because I'm in Hawaii. I'm often three or six hours behind most of my clients, so
I like to be caught up because even if it's six or seven a .m., it's already their
afternoon, so I want to like in touch with clients who need me. But then I find
myself lately in the last few months, drifting towards Instagram, TikTok,
Facebook, LinkedIn, something. And I start scrolling. And I get lost in people's
stories or videos or pictures or travel logs or whatever. And the next thing I
know, I've lost like a half an hour in my meditation chair, instead of just
meditating. and sometimes that half hour turns into one hour. Now, if I get up
early enough, that's not a problem. Like if I'm starting my day at six or 6 .30,
I'm still not late for work or client meetings, that's all good. But I've kind of
developed this negative habit of getting lost and not self -regulating my social media
rabbit holes. And it doesn't feel good. And actually, it's not good for my brain
and it's not really good for my productivity. And since my best work time, my best
mental clarity and everybody is different is really in the morning. So after my
meditate until about lunchtime, which can be anywhere from 12 to two,
I'm really at my sharpest. I'm my most creative, I'm at my most clearly focused.
Sometimes I'll get a second wind after dinner, but generally speaking, That's like my
sweet golden time. And I need to maximize those hours so that I get my writing
done, my podcasting done, my best client work done, whatever needs to be done done.
And if I'm scrolling, because I'm supposed to be meditating on Instagram, Facebook,
TikTok, what have you, for an extra half hour or hour, I've lost some of the most
productive time of my day. And it definitely plays into my self -image,
self -concept, and again, productivity. So when I was in Austria with my family,
we went to visit a number of my cousins. They're my cousin -in -laws, they're my
husband's cousins. And each one of them, I mean, I happen to adore all of my
cousin -in -laws. They're all just incredibly generous and loving, highly productive,
creative and very aspirational people. One of them is a world record holder for a
triple Ironman. I thought he won it twice and I think he's actually won it three
times, possibly four. His wife is a phenomenal skier and cyclist and swimmer and
works with him in his company and their children are incredible athletes,
and they just somehow managed to do so much in a given day.
They run their businesses. They treat their bodies very well with fresh air and
exercise and good healthy food. They bake their own bread. They are really,
really inspirational and aspirational people. And even though I was in my COVID haze
during our visit, we would go over there in the evenings and have dinner outside.
And of course I would sit six feet apart so as not to infect them. And they would
talk about everything they accomplished during the day. And our cousin would tell us
how she would get up in the morning and bake some bread and take a swim in the
pool, which was something like 60 degrees, so quite cold. And then she would take a
cold shower and she would get on with her day or she would go for a bicycle ride
or she would go for a very long walk. And she did it all by like 7am and then
she'd go to work by, you know, 8 or 8 .30. She'd work a full day. She'd come
home. She'd make a beautiful meal for all of us. And her husband was no different.
You know, he would take a 25 mile bike ride or, you know, a 10 mile jog and go
to work and then work out afterwards and then help her cook dinner. And I'm
thinking to myself, all I'm doing is 10 minutes of guided meditations. And then I'm
scrolling on Instagram for a half an hour or TikTok videos. I got to get my butt
out the door and increase my fresh air and my exercise and like explore this whole
cold shower, cold plunge thing. And so ever since I got home, I've been getting up,
I'm also jet lagged, but I've been getting up about a half hour early, and I've
been taking my dog for an extra walk in the cool morning air, and I've been taking
cool showers and sitting down and meditating without scrolling through social media
for a half an hour. And you know what? I know it's only been a week, but it's
been kind of game changing. I feel so good. So in spite of,
again, a little bit of a post -COVID haze, really severe jet lag, some migraines due
to the jet lag, I feel pretty good. I am more productive than I have been in
weeks and I feel inspired and I was inspired because I took what I had read in
these books many years ago, the atomic habits and tiny habits and then I was
inspired by my cousin -in -laws and their morning routine of getting up and getting
out and accomplishing something even before they went to work, which was so inspiring
to me. And again, I had a really good morning routine, but I was kind of slipping.
I was kind of getting into this malaise of zoning out before my day started,
and it was cutting into my productivity. And it feels really, really good to be
doing something else in lieu of that 30 minutes because if I have 30 minutes to
scroll, I have 30 minutes to take my dog for a walk or to take a cool shower and
start my day or what have you. So I'm giving you that as an example. Where are
you perpetuating a bad habit? And again, we're not judging the habit.
Like, your good habits and your bad habits are yours. You get to decide what's
acceptable for you or what you want to change. But if you're struggling with
something like overdrinking or emotional eating or too much online shopping or too
much time on social media or too much binge -watching of Netflix, what are the
alternatives you can do? What is the tiny habit that you can replace the bad habit
with that you can rewire this neural pathway so that, again, when you're triggered,
either stressed, bored, annoyed, pissed off, whatever, rather than going to that
negative habit, which is kind of self -reinforcing of, well, this isn't working, or I
don't feel good about myself, or nobody respects me, so I won't respect myself or
my body, what can you do that would be different, that would be a good choice?
And again, I am not suggesting at eight o 'clock at night that you aren't allowed
to sit down and watch television or scroll through social media. But the question
is, are you doing it for 30 minutes an hour, a designated time? Or are you
drinking a glass of wine with dinner and is that fine? Or is that glass of wine
turning into a bottle of wine and you don't feel good the next morning? That's what
we're looking at. We're looking at habits that you feel are controlling your life
instead of your controlling them. them. And those are the ones that we're reexamining
and saying, "What can I substitute? What can I break the cycle with? What small
easy thing can I do in that moment that changes this habit?" So the homework for a
number of my clients this week was to make a list of things that are easy and
that bring them joy. So rather than
second or third glass of wine or rather than one of my clients talked about how
she'll often go back to work. She works from home and she's an entrepreneur and
she'll often work late into the night knowing that it's robbing her of good sleep,
knowing that it's robbing her of quality time with her husband or what have you.
And she knows it's a compulsion because it's coming from an emotional trigger of not
feeling good enough or not feeling heard enough or seen enough. And so her go to
is to go back to work and to work to midnight. And she knows herself that that's
an emotional response to a trigger as opposed to I really need to finish this
assignment. There's a deadline tomorrow. I mean, we all have those and that's not
the same thing. So once again, you might want to just pull out a piece of paper
As you're listening to this and just write down, what's the habit or habits that
you would like to change and what are those triggers that lead to those habits? So
you may not know in this moment because you may not know till the next time you're
triggered by something. But just pay attention to the next time you have a negative
feeling because of a circumstance. And then ask yourself, what's my go -to habit when
I feel annoyed or pissed off or irritated or whatever. And what can I substitute it
with? And that's where your list comes in. So what's the easy thing you can put on
your list that can create a new habit so that you rewire your brain for when you
feel annoyed or shunned or lonely or bored, that you have something that feels self
soothing and healthy and just give it a try. So that's what I have for you today,
and with that, I want to wish you a great kickoff to your summer season, whether
you're traveling or staying at home, taking it easy, having backyard barbecues,
engaging in outdoor sports, or just having friends or family over that you haven't
seen. So with that, I want to wish you a great week, stay healthy,
stay happy, Then try this new experiment on changing a bad habit into a good one.
Alright, I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this
episode of the Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying these episodes, please
subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be in the know when the next
episode drops. If you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach,
you can connect with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I
-E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.