You are listening to the Overthinker's Guide to Joy, episode 25. This is the one
where we're going to talk all about creating joy in your life. Let's dive in.
Hey there, you are listening to the Overthinker's Guide to Joy. This is a podcast
for overthinkers, overachievers, perfectionists, type A, stressed out,
anxious people who just want to calm down and feel better. I'm your host,
Certified Life Coach Jackie de Crinis.
Hi there and welcome back. So this past week, I was thinking a lot about the
subject and the feeling of joy. Not surprising since the earlier incarnation of this
podcast was called joy hunting. So this is a subject that's very near and dear to
my heart. And the idea being that joy is all around us.
And sometimes I think we have difficulty, I know I do, of accessing it because we
get ourselves or we find ourselves in a circumstance or even a mindset that doesn't
allow us to see or find joy. And Like all over thinkers, I am often responsible
for killing my own joy or being my own buzzkill because my overthinking brain loves
to get in the way of joy by thinking about what's not going well and focusing on
what's broken or wrong or not perfect. And therefore, completely throwing a wet
blanket on my joyful life. Does this resonate with you at all?
Because I think that it is so common to focus on what isn't going well instead of
what is. And I often say that my former career made me that way. I used to listen
as a television executive to writers and producers pitching their television ideas all
day long. And while my job was to find good ideas or to at least identify what I
believed was a good television idea. Every night I took home a pile of scripts to
read for series that we were producing or in contention to become a series. And my
job, like many executives, was not just to identify what was good, but to identify
what could be wrong. Wrong with the script, wrong with the idea, wrong with the
characters, wrong with the plot. In other words, being the critical eye and
anticipating what could go wrong in the storytelling was my job. But it ended up
making me critical of everything else. I think I analyzed and dissected everything in
my life from the meals I was eating to the relationships I was having to what my
kids were doing. But you know what? Especially it made me hypercritical of myself.
The standard was so high to be the best mom and wife and friend and executive and
sister and daughter and all the things that I think I was emotionally and physically
exhausted and then felt very little joy even though I kind of had it all.
And this is perfectionism at its finest and by finest I mean ugliest.
This is the type of behavior or pattern that keeps us from feeling happy, content,
and joyful. This pattern of hypervigilance, over -preparedness,
judgmental, and ultimately self -deprecating. And I see this pattern with my clients
now, too. There is so much focus on what isn't working, that There's no appreciation
or celebration for what is. And we all do this. We do it in our relationships.
We do it with our partners. We focus on their shortcomings instead of their
strengths. We focus on what they're saying or not saying. We do it with our kids,
our bosses, our friends, our homes. It's because we're focused on what's not working,
that we attract more of what's not working, that is like attracts like.
So I'll give you an example in the flip side. You know how certain people just
seem so lucky? Like they're the people who always win something at the raffle or
they always land the right job or they always seem to be dating the perfect or a
girl or they have the perfect husband or wife. Everything just feels like great
opportunities fall in their lap. Part of the reason that is true is because of
their mindset. People who think that they're lucky are lucky.
People who say I'm lucky become lucky. Yes,
we are what we think. So when we want more joy in our lives,
part of what we have to do is feel joyful about our life or create something that
feels joyful in our life. When we focus on what is good, on what we do have,
what's fun, what's joyful, the more fun and joy and luck come to us.
It's energetic. So the problem is, and I really do understand this,
when we're in a dark place because of a circumstance, and that could be something
really devastating like a life event, a negative life event like death or divorce or
money struggles or losing a job, it's so hard to find joy when we're crawling
ourselves out of a hole of darkness.
And sometimes it's just day -to -day life. It doesn't even have to be death or
divorce or something so catastrophic. It can just be what feels burdensome of the
day -to -day grind. The long hours at a job, taking care of small children or an
elderly parent or just having a lot of responsibility and not a lot of support.
That can feel very dark and that can feel very heavy. So how do we turn it
around? How do we change it energetically so that we start attracting joy or luck
or a feeling of buoyancy? Well The answer is, and you've heard me say this almost
on every episode, it starts with self -care. When we take care of ourselves,
our body and our mind, first we show up with more energy and more buoyancy into
the world and that's what starts attracting better and better things.
So we know if you've listened to any of these episodes before, you know what I
identify as self care. Self care is everything from a good night's sleep to treating
your body well with good healthy food, drinking plenty of water, getting exercise,
and ideally meditating. That's kind of the fundamentals of self care. But beyond
that, it's also about creating joyful experiences in your day. And they don't have
to be all or nothing or huge or expensive. It's really about getting in touch with
what makes you joyful. And I work with a lot of people who will say to me,
"I've just had so much heaviness in my life. I've had so much darkness and so much
to contend with, I don't remember what brings me joy." And so I always say,
"Start small. Try and recall a time in your life. Maybe it was your childhood,
your teens, your 20s, maybe it was last week, last month, last year, where something
brought you joy. I know people who make sure to have fresh flowers in their house
every week because that makes them feel joyful. I know people who will schedule a
happy hour with friends every week. And some of them have had to move that to Zoom
because of COVID and some of them do it in person if they live in a place where
they can have drinks safely outside and for some people it's indoors at a bar or
restaurant. But that's a small thing that can bring you joy. But what else can
bring you joy? Well, if you love to travel, plan a trip. If money or time is an
issue, then plan just a weekend getaway. Whether it's with your partner, a friend,
or make plans to visit someone, or even just by yourself. Just changing your
environment can give you a whole new outlook. If you love to express yourself
creatively, you can take an art class, a pottery class, take up a musical
instrument, a singing class, a dance class, anything that once brought you joy or
that you just it to try, just by doing that, just by signing up, can lift your
spirits and change your energy. If you love sports, you can join a team,
you can take a lesson, or find somebody who will be your walking, running, or gym
buddy. For me, any day that I'm on the tennis court is a good day.
Since I've been suffering from a bad shoulder for the last nine months, I've been
sidelined for my favorite activity. But after months of physical therapy, I've been
cleared to start playing again. So I started with pickleball, which is a little
easier on my body, and I am loving it. It was a great reintroduction to getting
back on the tennis court. But now I'm playing tennis and pickleball. And so the joy
has just like been flooding back into my life. I'm outdoors, I'm seeing friends,
I'm moving, and it's just fun. So just reconnecting with social sports has brought
me so much joy, but everyone has something that lights them up. Finding joy goes
beyond doing a new or old activity. Finding joy is about seeing your world with a
different perspective. Sometimes it's just getting outside, walking in nature,
listening to music, driving to the beach or a lake,
treating yourself to a new restaurant, taking a long drive, calling an old friend or
relative, reading a good book, listening to an inspirational podcast.
And if you need suggestions of what to watch or read or listen to? Just post a
question on social media asking what people are listening to or reading. You will
get so many responses and so many good suggestions. Just be specific in what genre
you like.
So finding joy, creating joy, joy hunting, bringing joy back into your life,
whether it's been a long time since you felt joy or maybe if you just need a
reminder for today. Joy is all around you, and joy creates joy.
Or joy begets joy. So I want you to remember this. It's one of my favorite quotes.
"Happiness is an inside job." And the only way we can achieve that is by taking
care of ourselves first. No matter how much responsibility you have carve out that
time for self -care and plan for something that brings you joy whether it's later
tonight, this weekend, next week, plan it and feel it and get excited about it and
bring that buoyant joyful feeling back into your body and what you will see is that
energetically, more joy will start coming your way. Alright friends,
have a great week, I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye for now. If
you want to learn more tips about managing your stress and how to manage your
overthinking brain, just go to my website and sign up for my weekly newsletter at
jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S dot com.
You can also follow me on Instagram at Jackie de Crinis.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you like
what was offered in today's episode, I would love you to leave a review and
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