I was reminded of this quote the other day while talking to an old friend who just came out of a tumultuous romantic relationship. After many years of fighting an uphill battle of drama and chaos, he finally had the courage to end it.
Just recently, he met someone new and told me, “This relationship is so easy.” I could feel his palpable exhale of both joy and relief.
This reminded me of how often we allow ourselves to sit in misery. We complain to our friends and family about a relationship, a job, or some other circumstance, but we often forget that we hold the power to stop our own suffering.
It is easy to get stuck in the discomfort… because the discomfort becomes oddly comforting. We come to fear what it would be like without it.
My grandmother used to say it is like having a pebble in your shoe. We either don’t want to take the time to examine what is really hurting us, or we don’t trust that it will be any different without it. So we just leave the pebble in the shoe and limp along.
Eventually, the pebble becomes the thing that ruins the journey.
So why do we do this to ourselves? It starts with our THOUGHTS.
We allow our thoughts to dictate everything instead of pushing back and challenging them. Our thoughts often sound like this:
“If I leave my relationship, I will never find love again.”
“If I quit my job, no one else will hire me.”
“If I set boundaries, I might lose my friend.”
But these limiting thoughts are just old stories we have told ourselves. Or even worse, stories someone else told us, and we believed them. So, how do we begin to change our thoughts?
One of my favorite tools is four questions that author Byron Katie uses:
-Is it true?
-Is it ALWAYS true?
-How do I react when I believe it is true?
-Who would I be without this thought?
Learning to reframe your thoughts is one of the most powerful tools you can do to change patterns in your life. I teach clients how to reframe their thoughts, in order to make positive shifts in their lives.
If you are ready to stop walking around with that pebble in your shoe, then let’s set up a chat. You deserve to enjoy your journey.