You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy episode 61. This is the one
where I'm going to talk about how the connections in your life are impacting your
well -being. Let's dive in. This is a podcast for overthinkers,
overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling over anxious and just want to
feel better. I'm your host certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis. Hey there and
welcome back. So a few weeks ago, most of the US set their clocks back for
daylight savings And because I live in Hawaii, which is one of the two states that
doesn't observe daylight savings It shouldn't really have affected me and yet it did
in all the ways that it would have had I actually set my clock back an hour
earlier. I found myself wanting to go to bed an hour earlier I found myself getting
up a little bit more easily in the morning, but it wasn't just me. Even my dog
was affected. Like he gets up every single day at six o 'clock on the dot, and he
was starting to sleep till seven. Well, how do you explain that if the clocks
weren't set back in Hawaii? And I thought, well, what an interesting reminder that
we're all connected. And what I mean by that is when something changes around us,
the change has an impact on us too. I suppose this is similar to when somebody
says it's in the zeitgeist which just means there's a mood or a spirit in a
particular time of history. So because I have clients on the mainland and who are
affected by daylight savings, I think I probably took on their energy. I had to
adjust my calendar to have my meetings and then I would hear them say, "Oh, I feel
so tired. I hate daylight savings. It always throws me off when the time changes.
And so that either got into my ether or I just absorbed that energy. And I felt
like I was having daylight savings too. And apparently my dog did as well. But it's
a reminder that when we live in a community, whether it's school or an office or a
club, we often take on the energy, mood, fears, thoughts of those in that community.
And this can also be true with who you choose to spend most of your time with.
You've probably heard the theory that we become like the five people we spend the
most time with. Now this can manifest in everything from your eating habits, exercise
habits, drinking habits, political views, work ethic, income level, etc. So choosing
who you spend time with has a great influence on your well -being.
And I'll take this one step further. What you choose to watch, read or do in your
free time is also gonna have a big impact too. So for example, it's been well
documented that people who are physically active are generally happier. So if you're
playing a sport or go to a gym or taking exercise classes, you're surrounding
yourself around people who are invested in staying active and being healthier, which
in turn makes your self -perception healthier too. Now, the same goes for people who
take educational classes or art classes or join book clubs. They're people who are
interested in learning or challenging themselves, opening themselves up to new ideas.
So if you're in those groups, chances are you're interested in the same things. So
surrounding yourself with productive people is likely to make you more productive too.
But the same goes for the opposite, right? If you're hanging around people who
aren't motivated, who play a lot of video games, or who don't work,
or who don't continue their education, or don't like to read, chances are, you won't
either. And the same goes for your emotional well -being too. If you surround
yourself around negative people, you might find yourself thinking and feeling more
negative. So beyond those five people that you spend the most time with, and they're
in their circles too, because again, you know, everything's connected, right? So it's
not just those five people, but the five people they spend the most time with. What
else can impact your sense of well -being? Well, there was an article written in
psychology today a few years ago where the journalist found that what you watch,
read, listen to, and play can affect your mood and your temper. It can affect your
charitable contributions. She goes on to say, "It seems like TV, movies, games, and
books are much like food for your mind and soul. Some are like doughnuts. They feel
good when you're eating them, but they can leave us really cranky afterwards. And
Some are like protein bars or smoothies. They also feel good, but they have the
added benefit of actually helping us feel better and perform better. And then she
continues on. People who watch as little as 15 minutes of "negative TV news" have
shown increases in depressed mood, anxiety, and tendency to be more catastrophic about
their personal worries. Watching violent sequences in movies and television can lead
to increases in blood pressure and heart rate, sometimes leading to short -term,
aggressive outbursts. I know that when I watch something that gets me really tense,
I am much more jumpy afterwards, particularly if it's late at night. On the other
hand, watching TV shows and video clips with pro -social themes like people helping
others and problem -solving, cooperating, being generous, can lead to more cooperation,
more positive attitudes, less aggression. So it's just interesting, we kind of are
what we watch, just like we are what we eat, just like we are who we spend time
with. So now that's not to say that everyone is affected by the same things. Like
my husband, for example, loves the news, loves newspapers, news magazines,
nightly news, national news, even local news, he finds it not only important, but
oddly relaxing. And personally, I find most of it very triggering and will often put
me, like I said, in kind of an agitated state after I watched too much of it. So
I have to find a healthy balance of staying informed, but avoiding the sensationalism
of it all. And again, this is just because we are all connected. So we all get
basically the same information, whether it's through our newspapers or news programming
or even social media. And so we're taking a collective energy out into the world.
Now, the opinions behind the events are often polarizing,
but the drama and the events themselves are still basically the same. They rile
people up in one way or another. So if you're someone who is really sensitive to
other people's moods and attitudes and opinions, it's especially important to take
inventory of who you are spending your time with, how you are taking care of
yourself, and what you're feeding your mind with. It's really important to spend time
cultivating what brings you joy and identify what is bringing you down.
So both are important. This is the essence of mindfulness. So, identifying what makes
you feel good. Like, is that more time in nature or is it more time indoors? What
form of physical activity makes you feel best? Some people love playing sports or
riding a bike, doing yoga. Maybe yours is swimming or just going for a walk. Do
you like to socialize? And if so, Because everybody is different.
Some people love big events, parties, concerts, group activities, and some people like
more intimate gatherings, one -on -one dialogues, small dinner parties, or just hanging
out with a friend for coffee. What foods make you feel good? Not just in the
moment, like cookies and ice cream, but what makes you feel good when you eat right
for your body? And I was talking to a client the other day who said he had just
had a second baby and he was starting to feel sluggish and a little melancholy. And
he and his wife decided to simply cut back on sugar and white flour. And within a
week, they started feeling so much better. So he said to me, "I didn't even realize
what an impact it was having, not just on my weight, but on my mental well -being
until I took a break from it." And I had another client who needed to remove all
the social media apps from her phone. I think she left them on her computer, but
she said the phone was just too easy 'cause she's always holding her phone, it's
always with her, it's always near her. And she said not scrolling through Facebook
and Instagram, TikTok and Twitter was a game changer for her mental wellbeing. She
said she didn't realize how many minutes every hour she was wasting on these sites
and how often She was being triggered by like one of her friends taking yet another
beautiful vacation while she was stuck in her office or someone else getting engaged
or having a baby. And all things she really wanted in her life too, but the photos
were not acting as inspiration. They were putting her in a state of compare and
despair. So it just made her feel worse about herself and just simply removing the
apps off her not losing, you know, 10 minutes of every hour scrolling through it
started to make her feel better. So I have another friend who stays off social
media because there's just too much vitriol and hatred. She was spending hours every
day arguing with people that she doesn't even know, by the way, and it wasn't
helping the cause and it certainly wasn't helping her state of mind. So she just
stayed off and She said instantly she started to feel lighter and better and like
less negative in the universe. So again, it's about connection,
whether it's online connection or in person connection, we consciously or unconsciously
are always absorbing these various stimulants, what we put in our bodies, what we
put in our brains, what we look at, what we hear. And so we just need to be
mindful about what triggers us. And like I said, different people have different
triggers. So not everything is bad. It is just being aware of how your body feels
with certain stimulus. So just like it's important to clean out your closets
periodically, or your refrigerator or your garage, sometimes it's important to do an
audit on your wellbeing. Ask yourself this, am I surrounding myself with the right
people? Am I surrounding myself with people who lift me up or inspire me? Or is
there maybe somebody in your life who always makes you feel kind of drained or self
-conscious? And then how do you spend your free time? Are you watching, reading or
listening to things that lift you up? Or are they things that bring you down and
make you anxious? And sometimes it could be just like making a very small change
that can have a dramatic benefit. You don't have to throw out the baby with the
bathwater. Nobody's suggesting that you change all of your friends or change your
entire community. Sometimes it's just one or two little tiny adjustments that can
really make a difference in your whole outlook. So I'm going to offer you this
homework for this week. Just spend 24 hours making a mental or physical note on how
something or someone is impacting the way you might feel. Just experiment where you
might want to make a small change. And you might just start feeling a lot happier
by making one little adjustment. Alright friends, I hope you Have a great week and
I look forward to talking to you soon. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to
this episode of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying these episodes,
please subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be in the know when the
next episode drops. If you would like to learn more about working with me as a
coach, you can connect with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A
-C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S dot com.
