You are listening to episode 87 of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. This is the one
where we talk about if resolutions are really the best way to start your new year
plan, or maybe I've got something a little bit better. Let's dive in. This is a
podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of feeling over
anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis
Hey there and welcome back. So if you're listening to this in real time, it is the
beginning of 2024, it's the first week of January. So happy New Year to everyone.
And I know New Year's are always exciting, because we feel like we get to wipe the
slate clean and start anew. And I know many people use New Year's Eve and New
Year's Day or even the first week of January to set there or to make their New
Year's resolutions. And I actually did a whole podcast about two years ago on why I
don't believe in New Year's resolutions. Well, the sentiment of a resolution is
wonderful. Statistically, they just don't stick. I think the last time I looked into
the numbers, it was something like only 8 % of most New Year's resolutions are even
around by February. And that doesn't even indicate how New Year's resolutions fail
throughout the rest of the year, but it's usually by mid -February, whatever the
resolution is, is gone by 92 % - crazy statistic. And this is probably why gym
membership sales are always highest in January because everybody, you know, starts out
with that resolution. They want to get healthy or lose weight or just feel better.
And people are very Ellis in this first week or two. And then the next thing you
know, you're looking at your credit card in June, and you can't believe you're still
paying membership fees, and you cannot even remember the last time you went to the
gym. So maybe it's just semantics, but rather than resolutions, I like the idea of
setting an intention for the new year. And look, there's many ways to set an
intention. You can do it by something that I've talked about on previous podcasts,
which is by using smart goals. And for those of you who haven't heard this before,
a smart goal is just defined by a goal that is specific,
measurable, achievable, realistic, and time measured. But goal setting is just one way
of creating an intention. Some people like to choose a word for the year. Your word
might be strength or courage, peace, health, kind, success.
And whatever word resonates for you, you might want to just write it down and
attach it to your computer or your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator or wherever
you'll see it the most and remind yourself, "That's my word. That's my intention of
the year. And I know other people who have actually ordered necklaces with the word
of the year or bracelets to remind them of their word. Or maybe it's just
something, it's not even a word for you. It might be just a specific intention that
you want to change. But what I love about intention is that it feels kinder or
sort of softer than a resolution. Not any less powerful, it just feels emotionally
more pliable. So my feeling is resolutions tend to be very black and white,
and intentions tend to be hopeful. And so much of what we do in our lives has to
do with practicing more love and self -compassion. So resolutions to me have the
connotation of I've been bad or I've done bad and now I want to be good.
And so that might be like we've talked about, that might mean weight loss or that
might mean drinking less or that might mean shopping less or it might mean being
more patient with your children. But that black and white thinking is something I've
wrestled with my whole life. And so I really try and encourage my clients,
my friends, my family, to not think in that black and white way so much. And as
overthinkers, we tend to put too much pressure on ourselves already. Because
overthinkers tend to be perfectionists, people pleasers, and have very,
very strong self -critics. And that self -critic is always eagerly awaiting for us to
fail. But I just want to alleviate the burden of that old narrative. Not everything
is either or, or black and white, or good or bad. Because as soon as we make a
mistake or miss our goal or a deadline, we think we should give up. And that's why
I want to offer you this new concept for the new year, which is setting an
intention. So an intention might be finding a new job, or a romantic partner or
wanting to lose weight or learning to meditate. But if that doesn't happen right
away or it doesn't work out on the first try, I want you to understand. I want
you to embrace the idea that you have not failed. Your intention can still be there
and you can start again. It means letting go of failure and opening yourself up to
a more expansive way of thinking. A more self -compassionate approach to your goal
for the new year. So in other words, by setting an intention, it's just a much
softer, more loving gesture. So often people will say to me, "Oh, but you're so
disciplined. You're so dedicated to your meditation and your exercise and your mindful
way you eat." So this stuff comes easy to you. But I wanna remind you that for
most of my adult life, I lived on cortisol, adrenaline,
caffeine, sugar, white flour, and fear because I was always in fight or flight mode
when I was a television executive and raising a family of three small children and
trying to balance my extended family and a little bit of a social life. So on the
outside, it seemed like everything was working because I was doing quote a good job
and I was being rewarded with promotions and eventually bonuses and, thankfully, a
healthy, happy family. But it took a huge toll on me. I was riddled with chronic
headaches, stomach aches, stiff necks, insomnia, and chronic anxiety. I just ignored
the physiological symptoms, and because they happened so often, figured that was
normal. So over the years, I would make an intention each year to make small
changes. I slowly set intentions that would become a lifetime practice. But I cannot
say that I did it overnight. I took absolutely the scenic route to getting here.
But with each healthy conscious thing I chose, I chose it as a practice, not as an
all or nothing thing. And look, it was only 7 years ago that I even started
meditating. Daily exercise was also something I adopted late in life. I think I was
late in my 40s when I made that a daily priority. Being conscious of how much
water I drank or getting a good night's rest or even eating mindfully, that all
came later in life and it all came with setting an intention and that's where a
lot of people fail. They fall off their proverbial wagon and don't practice self
-compassion. And then they don't get back to it being a practice. So whether that's
daily exercise, meditation, eating healthfully, drinking less alcohol, cutting down on
caffeine, spending less money, whatever it is, people will beat themselves up when
they make a mistake or when they don't do it perfectly. And then they make it
impossible to start again, because it feels like this Herculean task to start over.
And that's that all or nothing thinking. But when it's met with softer terms,
remembering that all of these lifestyle changes are a practice and it's your
intention to make it part of your life. So there really is no there there.
There is no perfect. There is no scorecard. There is no report card. it's just a
practice and that practice starts with an intention. So when we set the intention
for better health or weight loss or meeting someone new or finding a new job or
learning to mediate or trying to save money or being kinder to ourselves,
we just have to show up each day with that intention. So how can you remember to
do this? Well, you can write yourself a note, you can put it in your calendar, you
can find an accountability partner, or you can hire a coach, but set yourself up
for success this year. So in the past, ask yourself this question, how many New
Year's resolutions can you remember and how many have you kept? And if you can't
remember any or it's always the same one year after year And you know by February,
March, or April, you're back in the same boat, I want to offer you this slight
shift towards intention for this new year. The most important thing is that you take
care of you. And by that, I mean by practicing good, healthy habits,
finding your joy and becoming happier with yourself. Because when you are healthier
and happier, you show up better for others that need you and love you, or those
who haven't even discovered you yet. And that might be a new friend, a new romantic
partner, or even a new boss, but the better you take care of yourself, the more
impact you can have on the world around you. So it starts with an intention and
then it's embracing it as a practice, letting go of the all or nothing,
letting go of the black and white, letting go of the success or failure mentality.
Just practice. All right friends, that's what I have for you today.
As always, I thank you for listening and I look forward to talking to you next
time, but in the meantime, I want to wish you a very happy New Year and the best
of luck with setting those intentions for a successful new year.
