You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy episode 28. This is the one
where I'm going to talk about how to manage your overwhelm. Let's dive in. This is
a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling
overanxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach, Jackie
de Crinis.
Hey there and Welcome back. So this week, I want to talk about something that
affects all of us, especially my overthinkers. I want to talk about overwhelm.
Specifically, I want to talk about when overwhelm comes from a streak of bad news
or the way we think when everything feels like it's going awry all at once.
Sometimes it's like a series of little things, like our computer crashes before we've
saved an important document, or when the paper shredder gets jammed, or the hot
water heater needs to be replaced. If it's a mechanical issue, people will often
say, "Ugh, Mercury must be in retrograde." I'm guilty of saying that too. I have no
idea if there's any scientific basis to Mercury's position, but it feels good to say
it and find a reason for a set of circumstances. But when little annoyances like
these show up, it's easy to let that set the tone for your day or even your week.
And when things start to go wrong, oftentimes there can be a snowball effect.
One thing leads to another. And it feels like things get more serious or dire as
things start to build. So what starts out as a metaphoric paper cut in the morning
can sometimes be a really serious concern about a loved one by the end of the day.
And then we start thinking. That spiral of negativity turns very quickly into
overwhelm. Or worse, a feeling of depression or even optimization.
And then we have a tendency to think that the world is conspiring against us. So
how do we take back our control when things seem to be happening all at once and
it all feels overwhelming? Like we're on a streak of bad luck. Well,
the first thing is to stop thinking that the bad news is related. This is what I
talked about last week. Every circumstance is independent. And it's just our thoughts
that make the circumstance or the circumstances feel connected.
So someone denting your car in a parking lot is having zero connection to someone
who may be made a fraudulent charge on your credit card, both super annoying, both
really time And again, it feels like there's almost a bad luck streak,
but they're not connected. Just like your kid failing a math quiz has nothing to do
with you losing your favorite pair of sunglasses. You have to stop and recognize
that these things are unrelated and labeling it as "I'm unlucky" or "It's not my
day, it's not my week. You are not cursed. You are not a bad person.
Your luck has not changed. They are all independent circumstances and most likely
coincidental. And yet we all want to lump all bad news into one thing.
Why do we do that? Because our brains are always looking for shortcuts. This is the
same reason we tend to label things. This is why people love headlines and gossip.
It's why we want easily digestible information at all times. When you start thinking
and labeling things to categorize them so that you don't have to think deeply or in
a three -dimensional way, again, your brain is just looking for a shortcut, but you
can't let your brain get away with it because it will paralyze you and it is what
will overwhelm you. So when you start thinking, again, this isn't my day, my week,
my month, my year, you're allowing a set of circumstances to dictate your well
-being. I like to use this analogy. If you're eating a healthy balanced diet,
you might make like a smoothie in the morning. Maybe you'll have a salad with some
lean protein for lunch, a well -balanced dinner with protein and maybe some
vegetables. and then for a snack, you might have some nuts or some fresh fruit.
Now, that would be three well -balanced meals and a snack to fuel you over a 24
-hour period. But just because you will consume all these things throughout the course
of a day and an evening, you would never consider putting all those foods into one
blender and just having one big smoothie and getting it all out of the way. I know
you're being ewe gross, like I would never put my steak in with an apple with some
eggs and a piece of toast. Just the image of that is so gross and no,
no one would ever do that. Well, your problems or your issues or your circumstances
are kind of the same thing. They all need to be dealt with in some fashion, but
when you dump them all in the same blender and try and consume them all in one
sitting, You're likely to feel sick to your stomach before you take the first sip.
So in the same way you would separate out your ingredients and your meals, separate
out your issues and your problems. And how do you do this? Start by making a list.
Take a piece of paper or your computer or whatever and write down everything that
is currently a problem for you. Put it all out Now you can list simple stuff like
I've got to run all these errands. I got to go to the dry cleaning I got to go
pick up my dog. I got to pick up my kid. I got to do this that the other That's
kind of easy and time -consuming But it's not a problem But then as the list grows
it may be things like I've got to find nursing care for an elderly parent I have
to hunt for a new job. I have to update my resume. I got to pay my taxes. Those
are a little bit more daunting. So put them all down. Put down anything that is
weighing on you emotionally. And by the way, it can include big things like war,
pandemics, changes in life, birth, death, divorce, whatever it is, get it all down
on paper. And once you've created your list with absolutely everything that is
currently occupying your brain space really look at it and ask yourself which of
these things do I really have control over and which don't I and for the things
you can't control you need to acknowledge your feelings because we always want you
to acknowledge your feelings but then they have to come off your to -do list it
doesn't help the universe for you to sit and worry about what you cannot change The
universe benefits from changing what you can. So you want to focus on the items,
of course, that you can control. And once you've identified those, then you need to
start prioritizing them. What needs your immediate attention? What can you accomplish
in the next hour, day, or week? And once you've done that, it's time to even get
more clear on what is really causing your overwhelm. Because the usual suspect is
the one thing on your list that you're probably avoiding. Something on that list
feels very daunting, either mentally, emotionally, or physically. Now,
I know for a lot of my clients, this is often like a work thing. There is a
project due, or they may have a bunch of cold calls to make, or they need to
follow up on a piece of business, and they don't want to do it because they're
afraid to bother people, they're afraid of rejection, they're afraid of failure,
they're afraid of doing it wrong. So they procrastinate. And that becomes the big
thing emotionally that's making that list of issues, problems,
circumstances so heavy because there's one thing in there it's really the thing
that's gnawing at them. Now, if that resonates with you, just recognize it and look
at the task at hand and ask yourself, "Why am I avoiding this?" Perhaps you don't
know how to do something or you need help. Just sitting with what you don't know
and identifying what you might be actually afraid of might free you up. It might
help you identify who might have some expertise in this area, or maybe you need an
accountability partner, which I've talked about in earlier episodes, or maybe you need
to hire an expert or go to your boss or a colleague. It's scary to admit when we
don't know something, or even when we don't know what question to ask to get
unstuck. But the sooner you can identify this, the sooner you can figure out what
you need the sooner you can get unstuck. And when you start to break down the list
on all the things that are going wrong, all the obligations you have, all the
things that are weighing heavy on your mind, all the bad news that came in today
or last week or this month, you may discover there are really only a few things
that are taking up most of the space in your brain. Those are the ones that are
causing that fight or flight response in your body. So let's recap. What are the
five questions that you're gonna ask yourself in order to overcome your own
overwhelm? Okay, here they are. Number one, what can I control on this list and
what can't I control? Number two, what's a priority and what isn't?
Number three, what are the easy tasks that I can knock out right away? Now the
advantage to doing this is it creates momentum. Just sometimes getting up and like
I've said this before, doing the dishes, doing a load of laundry, running an errand
creates a certain I can do it. I've accomplished something on my list. Now we can
take this to the nth degree where we procrastinate with all the easy stuff and then
we never get to the meaty stuff, but if you're truly stuck and you don't know
where to start, do something that's easy. Just use your mind and your body to get
that first momentum shift to get things done. Number four, what is the hardest thing
on the list? And identify what are you most afraid about it? And number five,
who can help me with that hard thing? So, this sequence can unlock your paralysis
and break that cycle of negative attraction. You know the thought that everything is
going wrong for me, or everything always goes wrong for me, or I'm just unlucky in
that way, none of that is productive or constructive thinking. But the first thing
is to stop putting all of your problems in a blender. It's not possible to problem
solve when everything is jumbled up. So take one thing at a time and then with
that, take one step at a time. This is how we untangle our thoughts and our
feelings and get back to taking charge of our life when we feel like everything has
gone a little sideways. You are in charge of your own luck. While you can't control
all the circumstances, you can control what you think about those circumstances.
You get to decide how to see it. This is how you take back your own power,
even when things seem to be challenging. And one of my most favorite thoughts,
everything is temporary, this too shall pass. All right,
friends, that's what I have for you today. What I want you to think of is no
matter how good or bad your day is going, I want you to see if you can't rethink
it and say, "I got this. It's really just one or two things that I need to get
done and I'm going to figure out who's going to help me get them done." Alright,
until next time, be well and bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode
of "The Overthinker's Guide to Joy." If you're enjoying these episodes, please
subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be in the know when the next
episode drops. If you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach,
you can connect with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I
-E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.
