Ep #49: 6 Ways to Manage a Mid-Life Crisis

You are listening to episode 49 of the Overthinkers Guide to Joy. This is the one
about how to hack your midlife crisis. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis. Hey there and welcome back. So today I want to talk about
midlife, more specifically, I want to talk about midlife crises.
So midlife crises, as many of you might already know, typically pop up between the
ages of 40 and 60, and they happen equally to men and women, although not everybody
has a midlife crisis. Reported, at least, of what I could find in my research,
It's only about 10 or 20 % of the population goes through an official midlife
crisis. But we can all go through various degrees of what feels like midlife crisis.
And it's worth having this discussion, whether you're in an official midlife crisis
or you fear going through a midlife crisis, the conversation that we're going to
have today is really about sparking joy back into your life, whether you're in
crisis, whether you're middle aged, whether you're older, whether you're younger. But
the lessons that I'm going to offer in today's podcast is really about recreating
joy in your life. You don't have to be in crisis mode to benefit from this
episode. But if you are, it may be helpful to you too. So while It's common for
both men and women to go through midlife crisis, as I said, the triggers might be
different for them. So what triggers a midlife crisis? Well, common triggers include
job loss, health concerns, a parent's death or illness,
children moving out, or even day -to -day overwhelm with small children. And again,
None of those circumstances have to occur for you to go through a midlife crisis.
But how do you know if you're experiencing midlife crisis? Well, here are some of
the telltale signs. Feeling sad or a lack of confidence, especially after like a big
milestone, say a birthday or a promotion. Feeling bored, but feeling bored like more
on a consistent basis, like you've almost lost meaning or purpose in your life.
Feeling unfulfilled. This often happens when people have technically everything.
You know, they have a job, they have a family, they have a home, and yet they
just feel unsatisfied. Feelings of nostalgia. Not like the good feelings of nostalgia,
but feelings like where you're looking back Only at what used to be and that
nothing feels quite as joyful as what once was Same with excessively thinking about
the past. That's kind of the same thing Making impulsive actions like particularly if
you're not an impulsive person and suddenly you're going to buy that, you know red
sports car That can be a sign of a midlife crisis feelings of regret.
So doing things that you know you shouldn't be doing but you're doing them anyway.
So these aren't the only indicators and everyone is different and like I said men
and women experience it differently but managing your midlife crisis is about learning
to manage your own frustration or fears or boredom and the healthiest way to do
that is by reigniting with joy and purpose in your life. So what are some of those
things that you can do to reignite with joy? Well, the first thing is learn
something new. The best way to, of course, learn something new is to take a class,
whether you take a class at a community college, or you take an art class in a
private studio, or you take a class like yoga or Pilates, it doesn't really matter.
It's about trying something new. It's about stepping out of your comfort zone and
just using different muscles or using a different part of your brain or just meeting
new people. So trying something new, that's the first. The second is get a hobby.
I have a long story about Getting a hobby and why I needed to have a hobby and
we're going to get back to that number three Find new ways to stay active So
whether or not you have a workout routine you go to the gym or you go for walks
or whatever it is Staying active staying physically active and mentally active is
really important to managing the midlife crisis And it's also important to just aging
in general. So by staying active, you're reinforcing your self concept that you are
an active person. And so then these thoughts and fears that are either coming from
aging parents or children leaving the house, empty nesting, or just getting older in
general will be less of an issue because you will see yourself as an active person
rather than focusing on somebody who's getting older. The next thing is to pick up
a healthy habit. So the simplest, and you've heard me 'cause I'm a broken record on
this, is to just start drinking water. Like maybe you give up soda. Maybe you cut
back on alcohol. Maybe you quit smoking. Like exchanging a bad habit that you've
been doing and trying to get rid of for a good habit. So drinking water There's
just one of them, maybe you're learning to meditate, maybe you're learning to just
take walks, which will then check off a couple boxes because then you'll be staying
active. But picking up a new healthy habit in your life. The fifth one is to spend
time outdoors. So whether or not you exercise outdoors or not, but to just be in
nature, to smell the trees to go to the ocean to have your face in the sun.
But to be in nature is very restorative and it can be very peaceful.
There is great belief that just taking off your shoes and putting your feet in the
sand if you're lucky enough to live close to a beach or putting your feet in grass
or touching snow if you live someplace where it's cold and it's wintery, it's not
right now because it's summer. But just being in nature and being attuned to nature,
listening to nature, watching nature, letting it connect to you, you connecting to
that can be very restorative. The sixth thing is to dedicate time to a project you
feel passionate about. Now this might be setting time to play music, making jewelry,
crafting, writing that book you always wanted to write. It really doesn't matter what
it is as long as you're passionate about it. So I'm going to tell you a story
which some of you have heard because I think I talked about this in an earlier
podcast, but about my relationship when I had my first midlife crisis.
And I say first because I think sometimes we have like little mini ones along the
way, depending on where we are. So I was in my 30s, and I had two small children,
and as many of you know, I was in television, so I worked a really difficult,
long, hard job where I was juggling family and a lot of responsibility, and I had
no life outside of my family and my work, which many people don't, because when
you're raising children, and particularly if you work in a big corporate job, chances
are there aren't a lot of hours in the day and you're either on your way to work
or working or you're taking care of your family or loved ones. So that was me.
And I was experiencing what looked like a little bit of a midlife crisis,
mostly because I just didn't have any identity outside of being a mom,
wife and executive. And so I had an assistant at the time who said to me with
great respect and I love her for it and I've thanked her for it many times over
the last 20 some years, you need a hobby. She said, you can't just work and take
care of your family. You have to have something for yourself or you're gonna explode
or implode and she was right. And I said, "I don't think I've ever had a hobby. I
just think I worked and went to school. And then when I was done doing that, I
got married and had kids and worked. And I don't think I ever really cultivated any
hobbies." And she said, "Okay, I'm gonna make you a list." And so she made me a
list. And I think the first thing was like, you know, take a Spanish class, learn
to play tennis, learn to knit, write a book, like whatever it was. And so I looked
at this list and I'm thinking, "Well, I don't have time to do any of these
things." And she said, "Well, no, you're going to make time." And so I picked
playing tennis. I had played a little tiny bit when I was a kid and I maybe took
a handful of lessons like between the ages of 10 and 14. I didn't know anything
about the game. I didn't know how to keep score. I didn't have any equipment still.
I think I thought people still played with wood rackets. I don't know. But the
point was I knew nothing. But I remembered being little and liking it and thinking,
well, I would love to learn how to play tennis. So I signed up for tennis lessons
30 minutes a week, which is not really enough to learn the game. But I did that
and I learned to kind of hit the ball over the net. And then I went on vacation
and I played every day of my vacation. And I decided when I came home that I was
going to join a tennis club, which I couldn't afford at the time, and my husband,
or my then husband thought I was crazy to do that. And I joined and I was like
the greatest thing because I immersed myself around tennis players and I had
opportunities to take lessons and clinics and meet people who played and I learned
to play the game. And I was really terrible, but I loved it. And I looked forward
to it. And so on weekends, I would play, if I could steal an hour away, I would
sometimes play early, early in the morning before I would go to work. And I started
to identify myself as a tennis player, which was kind of comical because, like I
said, I was a pretty bad tennis player. And about a year and a half after learning
to play tennis, my then husband and I got divorced, having no relationship to the
sport, but just, you know, irreconcilable differences. And I met my second husband at
this tennis club. And tennis was a huge part of our lives. It still is. I mean,
we've been together almost 20 years. We still play regularly. And we taught my
children how to play. We taught our daughter how to play. And now our daughter's
going to go off to college this year and play on a collegiate tennis team. And so
tennis became a huge part of my life. And that all came from just getting a hobby.
And it turns out for me, tennis inadvertently checked not just the box of getting a
hobby, but everything on that list without me even being aware of it.
And I was dedicating time to a project I was passionate about, which is learning to
become a better tennis player. So sometimes doing one thing checks all the boxes and
in my case it did, although that wasn't my intention at the time, my intention was
simply just to get a hobby. So you may do all of these things or you may do one
thing and it checks all of these boxes for you too. So Good life crises are
nothing to be ashamed of. First of all, they're not a mental disorder. And second
of all, they're not permanent conditions. Even if you do nothing, they will pass.
It will pass. But by being proactive in embracing this transition in your life,
whatever it may be, you might be able to mitigate the timeline of "crisis" and
suffer less, simply by replacing the feelings of boredom and fear and dissatisfaction
with a feeling of renewal and opportunity. So talking about your feelings is one of
the best ways to avoid them from festering and making impulsive decisions that could
have negative consequences later. So I also recommend talking to a therapist or a
coach if you are truly suffering from a midlife crisis at this time in your life,
but even if you're not, it's great to have somebody help you be accountable to
developing new healthy habits in your life and to sparking the joy in your life.
So if any of this resonates with you, I hope you will take an opportunity to look
into something that you can bring into your life that will spark joy and help you
get back to the feeling of your old self again. So I look forward to talking to
you next time and I want to wish you a great week and bye for now.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're
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