You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy episode 20. This is the one
where I'm going to talk all about over -scheduling. Let's dive in.
Hey there, you are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy. This is a podcast
for overthinkers, overachievers, perfectionists, type A, stressed out,
anxious people who just want to calm down and feel better. I'm your host,
certified life coach Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there. How are you today? So I think today is going to be a short and sweet
episode. And the reason why is because I'm going to assume that you're probably very
busy. And that's exactly what I want to talk about today. I have noticed in the
last few weeks one of the biggest complaints amongst pretty much everyone I know,
certainly my clients, is I'm so busy. And in the last 50 years I think that busy
has become synonymous with a sense of importance. Something about being busy makes
people feel needed or wanted. And I thought I would do a podcast today on maybe
uncovering or unpacking why this syndrome of busyness has become so much a part of
our lives. And also maybe why it might be a perception rather than a reality.
So I started thinking about why do we do this to ourselves? And at full disclosure,
let me just say this. I am somebody who suffered from most of their life being way
too busy. And I did it to myself. And I'll get into that in a little bit.
But I believe the reason We invest or create or manifest this busyness is because
we feel obligated to take on more and more. Whether it's work or social activities,
it's almost like we're afraid to slow down. And I thought about what are those
reasons? Why are we so afraid to just slow down or take a timeout.
And I think it's a bunch of things. I think one of them is fear of missing out,
which we hear a lot about FOMO. People don't want to say no because they're afraid
they're going to miss out on something fun or something important or someone is
going to be someplace that they want to be or that they'll see the pictures on
social media and then they'll be sorry they didn't go. I think some of it is fear
of falling behind. If we don't stay busy, things will pile up and then we'll become
overwhelmed and not be able to do it. Some of it is fear of being left out. So
we talked about FOMO being fear of missing out, but some people wanna stay busy so
that they don't feel left out of things or left behind, not fall behind but left
behind. I think sometimes it's fear of boredom. I think it's very difficult to be
left alone with our own thoughts and I know people who stay very very busy so that
they don't have to get too close to their thoughts or feelings and by being busy
or occupied or connected to others or always doing tasks chores working,
whatever, they avoid what is truly their real feelings about where they are in their
life or where they are in their relationship or where they are in comparison to
where they want to be. So, another word for busyness,
obviously, is over -scheduling. And over -scheduling often seems to come from the fear
of disappointing others. I hear this all the time. Well, I don't want to say no to
my partner or spouse, or I don't want to say no to my children, or my parents,
or my friends, or my siblings. I'm afraid it will hurt their feelings if I don't
go, or if I say no. And then we often just say yes,
only because we don't want to disappoint others with total disregard for our own
ability, time, or energy, or desire to do anything. And I think this goes right
back into the people -pleasing habit I talked about in an earlier episode. People
want to be liked. And so by saying yes to everything, yes, I can pick up your
kids, yes, I'll attend your party, yes, I'll go to your kids' piano recital. We
think, by the way, erroneously, that people will like us more. So I was talking
about this with a client recently. I had a therapist many years ago who used to
refer to this kind of activity where you're always saying yes to everybody or you
don't ask for a lot of help or you try and be super self -reliant but then always
available to help others as pennies in the bank. And what she used to say to me
is you think that by not being too much trouble and by bending over backwards to
help others or always volunteering or always offering to do something extra, you're
putting pennies in the bank to basically withdraw later when you think you might
need something back. And it's not a quid pro quo and it's not even conscious. It's
just, well, I'll say yes, I'll do this, I'll do that, I won't ask for too much.
And then someday if I ever need a favor, this person or this company or this
something will do something for me. And the truth is, there's a hole at the bottom
of the piggy bank. The pennies don't accrue interest. So if you want to do
something nice for someone, or you have the ability to do something nice for
someone, do it, but do it because you want to, not because you think you can
withdraw the pennies later with interest.
Investing in your own self, your own self care is the best investment you can make.
So taking care of your needs first, then making yourself more energetic to help
others in need or friends or family who need your help by doing self -care first
you're way more available and authentic in helping others.
When we learn to say no we're creating boundaries for ourselves and we're teaching
not just ourselves that we have boundaries but we're telling others that we matter
too. So nobody is going to create boundaries for you. You have to do that.
And your time, your very, very precious time is one of those boundaries.
So by learning to say no, that's the first step in creating a boundary. Your time
is valuable. Your energy is valuable. So creating space for yourself is truly an act
of self -love, and it's most definitely an act of self -care. Now,
I have a lot of clients in the entertainment business, writers, producers, executives,
actors, costume designers, and the most common denominator amongst all of them is
this crazy dichotomy between really wanting to work and they work for validation,
for ego satisfaction, because they love the challenge, because they're good at what
they do, because of money, and they work for purpose. But the dichotomy comes from
they are often afraid when they get the job or the gig. The biggest complaint is
that when they're working, whether it's under contract as an executive, or whether
it's for working on a movie production or television production, their biggest fear
is always that their work -life balance will be gone. They fear that the all
-consuming nature of the business will swallow them up and they will go back to
eating poorly, not exercising, not getting enough sleep, not having a normal schedule.
And then there's this pressure to answer to all the new bosses, partners, demands of
their individual job. So this creates this discontent.
When they're not working, they're fearful that they're not being productive, not
making money, not using their brain, not being creative. And then when they're
working, they feel like they have to give up the rest of their well -being to just
focus on the work. And again, that runs the gamut, whether they're costume designers
or writers or actors. Now, for a lot of these people in television or movies,
production is kind of its own beast. And you are at the mercy of the shooting
schedule and unless you work for an incredibly organized director who can work his
movie or her movie magic in 8 to 10 hour workdays, working 12 to 14 hour days
goes with the territory. But for everyone else, you get to decide how to manage
your time and your mind. Building in space in your day to think,
reflect, and recharge is a crucial part of avoiding burnout. But the same goes for
your free time. So if you jam -pack your evenings, weekends, and holidays with social
plans, appointments, and other obligations, ask yourself this.
Is this truly necessary? Do I need to say yes to everything?
And get in touch with, and by the way, you can get out a pen and paper and do
this. What do you really want to do? What do you have to do?
And then let's start cutting the fad. Like, do you have to go to every kid's
birthday party? Do you have to say yes to every dinner invitation? Do your kids
really need to spend all weekend doing different sports and activities? Where can you
slow it down. The impact of being over scheduled or super busy trickles down to
your relationships. It certainly impacts your children. It certainly impacts your
partner. And it actually impacts your boss, your colleagues and your underlings.
Because if you're burned out, everyone else feels it too. So The reason people are
so obsessed with taking vacations is because they work themselves to the bone and
then the vacation is the only time they give themselves permission to exhale. But
what if you could build some vacation into your everyday life? And how do we do
that? Well, the truth is you just need to take pauses either in the middle of the
day or every hour or in the morning or in the evening, and you need to give
yourself space. I know this because this was my old life. When I was in television,
I worked 60 -hour weeks and felt so guilty about how much time I had to work that
I would overcompensate by trying to enroll my children in endless after -school
activities and then run around with them like a crazy person on the weekends. I
said yes to everything they wanted to do because I felt like I owed it to them. I
needed to make up for the fact that I was a working mom. I felt guilty when I
was at work and when I was at a soccer practice or a tennis practice or something
else, I felt guilty that I wasn't working. So I was never connected to the activity
that I was supposed to be enjoying. I was never actually present. I was going
through the motions, I did everything I needed to do. But instead of enjoying it, I
just always felt like I needed to be somewhere else. And that created stress and
anxiety in my body. An anxiety and stress result in muscle tension, indigestion,
insomnia, headaches, and general agitation. So when I wasn't having business lunches,
I was always running to chiropractors and acupuncturists and therapists to try and
manage my headaches and all of the other stress related maladies my body was
experiencing. And I see this all the time in my own clients.
Overscheduling is just a habit and it's not a good one. Business used to be worn
like a badge of honor. The more you worked on the weekends, the least amount of
sleep somebody could survive on, The person who forgot to eat lunch or ate all
three meals at their desk sort of won the prize. But the truth is they didn't.
This was the person who ended up burning out first in their job or ruining their
marriages or ended up having difficult relationships with their children because they
felt neglected. Productivity is super important. Having a purpose is crucial every
day, whether you work or whether you don't. Accomplishing something every day, even
if it's just making your bed and taking a shower, is so important. So I am not by
any means suggesting to not be productive and not have purpose. I'm simply saying,
busyness for the sake of busyness, over -scheduling because you're afraid of the
silence, you're afraid of your own thoughts and feelings, that's something that needs
to be looked at. Overscheduling is an addiction. It's usually because we're
sublimating something else, like all addictions, there are consequences. And so
learning to give yourself space, whether it's one minute, five minutes, ten minutes,
an hour, is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. And it might start with
learning to meditate or journal. And I've done podcasts on both. You can go back
and listen to those. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to sit
on a mountaintop and meditate for an hour in silence. You can learn to meditate
with two minute installments. And journaling doesn't mean you have to become a
journalist. It means just writing down your thoughts or your intentions for the day.
Just taking a moment to yourself in stillness and in peace can slow your roll and
give you a greater sense of what you need to accomplish each day for you,
not for somebody else and not by somebody else's judgment, just for you. So,
it might mean taking time for yourself to exercise every day, even if that's just a
walk at lunchtime. Learning to spend some time alone is so important,
and it's important to sit with those thoughts and feelings and let them have space,
even when they're uncomfortable. Now, for those of us who are overdoers,
overschedulers, overachievers, this might be really uncomfortable at first. You will
feel like time is being wasted. Your brain will start screaming at you. I need to
respond to that email. I've got another load of laundry to do. I need to run that
errand. I need to get dinner ready. Whatever it is, we all lead busy lives. And if
you're juggling small children and a career, it's even more demanding and I really
do understand. But the busier you are, the more you need to take time for yourself.
So I invite you this week as your homework assignment to create five minutes for
yourself to sit in silence or to journal your intentions for the day.
Just take a pause and slow down and see where you can start saying know to things
that don't serve you and let go of the fear that you will be disappointing somebody
or you will miss out. Really get in touch with what do you want to do.
Your time is precious and you should be doing things that you love when you don't
absolutely have to be doing something else. Alright, I hope this resonates.
It was a longer podcasts than I thought I got kind of carried away because I'm
really passionate about this. So if you are busy, if you are super busy all the
time or you're over scheduling, give this a try. Take more breaks and see what you
can eliminate out of your schedule. Alright, have a great week. I look forward to
talking to you next time. Bye for now. If you want to learn more tips about
managing your stress and how to manage your overthinking brain, just go to my
website and sign up for my weekly newsletter at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K
-I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.
You can also follow me on Instagram at jackiedecrinis. Thank you for listening to
this episode of Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you like what was offered in today's
episode, I would love you to leave a review and subscribe or follow wherever you
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