You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy episode 91. This is the one
where I'm going to talk about FOMO, JOMO, and FOPO. Whether you know what those are
or you don't, let's dive in. This is a podcast for overthinkers,
overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling overanxious and just want to
feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis. Hey there and
welcome back So today we're gonna chat about something we've all experienced at one
time or another and that is the phenomenons of FOMO Jomo and FOPO Let's start with
FOMO You know that feeling where you're relaxing on your sofa and you're scrolling
through Instagram or some other social media And you see someone you know doing
something awesome Or perhaps there on an exotic beach or just hanging out with
friends, having brunch, and suddenly you feel kind of yucky. This is FOMO,
also known as the fear of missing out. Now, this is actually a psychological
phenomenon characterized by the anxiety or apprehension that one might be missing out
on a rewarding experience or social event happening elsewhere. But Why does this
happen? Well, there's a reason for it. It's because humans have a fundamental need
for social connection and a sense of belonging. FOMO can arise when individuals fear
being excluded from social gatherings or important events. FOMO is often driven by a
sense of urgency or time pressure. Individuals may feel compelled to participate in
an event or activity because they fear that the opportunity will be lost or
diminished if they don't act quickly. Another fear related to FOMO is regret
aversion, the fear of making the wrong choice or missing out on a unique
opportunity. All of these can lead to anxiety or even depression in some cases.
So one of the best ways to reduce FOMO is actually to take a digital detox.
I know that I can often go down a rabbit hole when scrolling on social media and
not only does it sometimes create FOMO for me, it can cost me a lot of time and
productivity. When I worked in the television business, everything was about getting
on the right lists, invitations to big events, networking with the right people,
curating a sense of a glamorous life. Hollywood is notorious for cultivating fomo.
It's kind of like the grown -up version of high school, prom kings and queens,
popular girls and boys, jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, outcasts, cool kids and loners.
And I would often attend things that I didn't really want to because it's what
everyone else was doing. And I found myself spending a lot of money and a lot of
time on things that weren't really worth it or attending large gatherings where I
didn't feel comfortable. And it took me years to understand that I really like
intimate gatherings and one -on -one conversations more. I just was never really a
party girl or a night owl or that big event kind of person. But because I had the
gift of gab, I could navigate my way through those things. Those black tie dinners,
those red carpet events, big sales presentations. But ultimately, it wasn't my thing
and I was never happy attending them. So here's the thing. The greatest antidote to
FOMO is Jomo. That is the joy of missing out. A few weeks ago,
I did a blog post about how much I still love watching the Emmys and the Golden
Globes, but I am so happy to not have to dress up and attend them in person
anymore. I admit, it was super fun the first few times. But now I am just
delighted to sit on my sofa in sweatpants and watch from home with a big bowl of
popcorn on my lap, sitting next to my husband and my dog at my feet. Jomo is
about being content with your own company, enjoying downtime without the feeling or
need to be everywhere or elsewhere all at once. Jomo is about setting boundaries,
prioritizing your well -being and recognizing that it's OK to miss out on certain
things. Sometimes the real joy comes from staying in, reading a book, or just having
some quiet time. But even I forget that sometimes. And I can still get caught up
in the groupthink of FOMO. A few weeks ago, I went to a retreat with 25 other
coaches. We stayed at this fantastic house. It was like a mansion in the hills of
Malibu. We took long walks, did yoga, meditated, ate great food, shared best
practices, played board games, and talked till the wee hours of the morning. It was
amazing. And before the weekend ended, our hostess was already planning the next
retreat. But the next retreat is six months from now. And I saw everyone scramble
to reserve their spot for the next one. But my mind started racing with FOMO. What
if I don't sign up now? What if I lose my spot? What if the next retreat is even
better than this one? What if I miss out? And then I realized the dates don't
really work for me. And I tend to not like big group events. So even though I had
a great time at this one, I realized that I was experiencing FOMO before this new
event even happened. And by the way, that's another psychological phenomenon and a
great sales tactic. People are more inclined to buy things when they think other
people are buying them and there's a scarcity mentality of limited spots. So I took
a step back and allowed myself to settle into Jomo, the joy of missing out.
The next one was going to be in August and since I have a big trip planned at
the beginning of the summer, it doesn't really make sense for me to take another
trip at the end of the summer. Another reason is that my youngest daughter will be
heading back to college that weekend and I want to help her move into her new
apartment. But mostly I just didn't have the need to do two big retreats in one
year. What I loved about this one was that it was special and in order to continue
them feeling special to me, I know that about once a year is enough for me. So
that was my way of practicing Jomo, focusing on the things that I was going to do
during that weekend rather than the things I thought I should be doing which was
signing up for another retreat when I wasn't ready for another retreat. But what's
another good way to prevent FOMO? Well that is mindfulness. Mindfulness is just
spending time appreciating the small joys in your life. It could be as simple as
taking a few deep breaths, going for a mindful walk, noticing something beautiful in
nature, spending time with your pet, your best friend, a loved one, or doing an
activity with your kids, as long as you both like it. And I say that because so
many parents will say to me, I just don't love playing toys. You don't have to
play toys with your kids. Your kids can play with each other, they can play by
themselves, they can have a play date. Find something you love to do. Creating
mindfulness is partly creating joy in your life and it needs to be pleasurable.
Mindfulness is a great reset to overstimulation and cultivating a sense of gratitude
for what you have and not what you think you're missing. Okay,
now let's talk about the last phenomenon, FOPO. Fear of other people's opinions.
FOPO is not as widely recognized or studied as FOMO. I first heard the term from
my coaching colleague Kirsten Parker and I fell in love with this acronym. FOPO is
the biggest hurdle to overcome for my people -pleasing clients. While it may not be
formally recognized as a psychological term, the fear of other people's opinions is
influenced by a lot of factors. It can be rooted in social anxiety where individuals
have an intense fear of negative evaluation or judgment from others. It might also
be rooted in perfectionistic tendencies, setting high standards for oneself and fearing
that any perceived shortcoming will lead to negative opinions from others. It can
also show up for people with low self -esteem, so they may constantly seek external
validation or fear disapproval from others. And like FOMO,
FOPO can stem from social comparison, how one measures up to perceived societal
standards. Negative experiences or past instances of criticism or rejection can
contribute also to the development of FOPO. Traumatic experiences may make individuals
hypersensitive to the opinion of others. I know this was true for me. And let's not
forget cultural and social influences. If you have a strong family heritage or
specific cultural upbringing, you are definitely more prone to fear of other people's
opinions. So FOMO, Jomo, and FOPO or the three musketeers of modern social landscape.
But you can reduce these habits in your life by making a couple of small tweaks.
Number one, give yourself a break from social media or limit your time on it.
Number two, get curious, challenge yourself. Is that thing you saw on social media
something you really wanna be part of? And if so, what steps can you take to make
that happen? Can you plan a trip? Can you host a party? Can you network with
people who host those kinds of events that you want to attend? And if it's not
something you really want to do, can you practice Jomo? What's the joy of missing
out on these events for you? Okay, number three, challenge your ego.
What do you really want to do or not do? How do you genuinely like to spend your
time? Number four, be authentic. Trust that when you show up as your true self,
then others will respect you way more than the curated version. Number five,
ask yourself, what would I do differently if I didn't worry about other people's
opinions? Would you have a different career? Would you live somewhere else? Would you
dress differently? Would you date differently? Would you act differently? When you
start focusing on what you really want and need, you may find yourself with a
greater sense of confidence and magnetism. And then the magical thing that starts
happening is things start coming to you. Look, I'm not saying don't try new things.
I'm not saying don't step out of your comfort zone. I'm just saying that you don't
necessarily have to follow the pack, nor do you always have to worry about what
other people think. You do you, and then let the joy unfold.
All right, friends, that's what I have for you today. Have a great week, and I
look forward to talking talking to you next time. Bye for now.
