This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling overanxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis.
I started recording this episode about an hour ago, and someone is using a hedge trimmer or a weed wacker or something. And so the recording got
interrupted by that. And then I started recording again and then somebody was using
some kind of power washer compressor. So I had to wait again. And then I recorded
the whole episode and it was terrific. And then I played it back and apparently I
had hit a button and it had stopped recording. So I'd like to say third time's a
charm, but it's actually the fourth time. So anyway, here we are. Welcome back. It's
been a while. I have been doing, as my regular listeners know, a series of
interviews of experts in everything from marriage to self -love to decision -making.
And it's been super fun. But today I'm flying solo. There's no interview. It's just
me. And I want to talk about one of my favorite subjects, which is mindset, and
more specifically, how our mindset is affected by what we say and what we think.
And by no means is this a new subject for the podcast. We've talked about many
versions of mindset and how our daily habits affect our mindset, what we think, what
we feel affects our mindset. But I realized, and there's the word that I'm going to
talk about in a minute, the reason I want to talk about this today is because I've
noticed a pattern lately and I noticed a pattern even within myself. And when I say
pattern, I actually mean habit. And when I say habit,
I actually mean bad habit. So when I offer this insight or observation,
it's not coming from a place of judgment. It's actually coming from a place of
compassion and actually self -compassion. So, while I'm recording this for, hopefully,
the listener's benefit, it's actually a reminder for me too, because here's the
thing, for all of us who do work in self -improvement, self -awareness, mindfulness,
growth, expansion, whatever you want to call it, it's easy to fall back into old
habits. In other words, as we grow, we adopt new and better systems and strategies,
But it's like two steps forward, one step back, because self -improvement is a
practice. It's not a there -there, it's a journey. And sometimes there's a sneaky
saboteur in all of us. So here's a couple of examples recently with clients where I
noticed this pattern showing up. I was talking to one client the other day who was
struggling with some health issues. And this client was saying how she has had a
variety of mysterious medical issues, no clear diagnosis, just random pain and
fatigue. And obviously, it's affecting her emotional well -being too. So we started
working together and she's been doing a variety of different things. I asked her how
her day was going. And she said, well, I woke up at 6am and I was feeling really
happy, but my body hurt. And then in another case, I have a client who had been
out of work for six or seven months, works in the film business, and she was being
offered a film, but she was concerned about somebody who was on the project who was
very difficult to work with. Another client was concerned about her financial well
-being and then came into an unexpected chunk of money, but immediately said, "But
I'm worried about these big expenses coming down the road." So in all three cases,
The very thing that they were suffering from, so the first client was suffering from
emotional well -being because of physical problems, didn't even realize that her
emotional well -being was getting better. But because the physical pain was there, she
immediately said, "But," or the client who hadn't been working in six or seven
months was getting a job offer, but the first instinct was to say but. And then
the client who was worried about money, who came into a chunk of money, the first
thing was to say but. So if you've listened to these prior episodes, you've heard
me talk about our reptilian brains, the oldest part of our brain being wired to
look out for danger. And it's a survival instinct to avoid being chased or eaten by
something in the wild. But in spite of modern civilization, and most of us not
living in the wilderness, worrying about being chased or something eating us, our
brains are still wired for that survival mechanism. Consciously or unconsciously,
we think that we should always be on high alert. So when something good happens to
us, we're often waiting for the other shoe to drop or we discount the celebration
and we simply just gloss over the win, the accolade, the joy. We want to
immediately search for what's not going right or what's not perfect. And look,
I am so guilty of this. Call it what you want. Hypervigilance,
obsessive compulsive, recovering perfectionist, trauma survivor. It doesn't matter what
label you give it. It's just what a lot of us do. And even those of us who have
a daily meditation practice, were those of us who talk about daily gratitude or
those of us who coach for a living. It's a habit and it's a bad habit. And it's
one that I share with many of my listeners and many of my clients. I find myself
and others saying, yes, that was nice, but so we're completely negating the joy,
the victory or the gratitude. And this got me thinking about about the rules of
improv comedy. Now improv comedy, most people know, is where performers create a
scene or story on the spot without a script or predetermined plan. And there are a
few rules that guide improv comedy. The cardinal rule of improv comedy is yes and.
And what that means is that the performer should accept whatever their fellow
performers offer in a scene and build on it. In other words, everything is a
potential gift. And this encourages collaboration and helps to create a cohesive story
and keep the story going. So in terms of positive thinking, what does that have to
do with improv, right? In terms of positive thinking, yes and can be related to the
idea of accepting the present moment and building on it in a positive way. So in
other words, instead of resisting what is happening or dwelling on the negative, we
can choose to accept the situation and look for more opportunities to keep improving
it. OK, what's the second rule of improv? Don't block. This rule is related to yes
and in most simplistic terms, the one thing you're not allowed to say and improv is
no. And I'm not saying you shouldn't say no in your life. I'm just saying you
don't block good energy. That's what we're talking about. But yes and involves
avoiding any statements or actions that would halt the flow of the scene.
So again, in terms of positive thinking, blocking could be related to negative self
-talk or limited beliefs that prevent us from making progress or taking risks.
By avoiding blocking thoughts and beliefs, we open ourselves up to new possibilities
and opportunities. So what's the third rule? Make statements. Well,
this rule encourages performers to be active and contribute to the scene rather than
waiting for others to take the lead. Making statements can involve making bold
choices or taking risks, but it helps the scene move forward and engage the
audience. So again, how does that relate to positive thinking? Well, making statements
could be related to taking action towards our goals and aspirations rather than
waiting for things to happen to us. Think of these as daily affirmations,
like, I am beautiful, I am successful, I am capable, I am confident.
Eventually, we start becoming what we say and what we think, but it starts with
those quote statements or in this case affirmations. Whether you say them out loud,
whether you say them on paper, or just in your own head. So what's the fourth rule
of improv? Stay present. This rule reminds the performers to stay focused on the
scene at hand rather than getting distracted by external factors or their own
thoughts. By Staying present, performers can stay attuned to their fellow performance
and the audience. In other words, remain engaged. Now, in terms of positive thinking,
staying present can help us avoid getting caught up in worries or regrets about the
past or anxieties about the future. Staying focused on the present moment were more
mindful and appreciative of our experience. So overall, the rules of improv comedy
can be seen as a way to cultivate positive thinking by encouraging acceptance,
collaboration, creativity, and presence. And adopting these principles in our daily
lives can make us more resilient and adaptable and open to new possibilities.
Now, obviously, I didn't invent this theory. Amy Poehler wrote a whole book called
Yes, Please, which references the improv rule of yes and. And in her book,
she says yes and is a philosophy, a practice and a reminder to always be open to
new ideas to accept and build on others' contributions and to always add something
of your own. And she explains how this rule can be applied not only in improv
comedy, but also in real life situations and relationships. But look, this is not
just a philosophy or a metaphor. There's actual science that supports this theory.
Dr. Joe Dispenza is a well -known author and speaker on the topics of neuroscience,
meditation, and human potential. When he talks about the negative impact of being
negative, he's referring to the idea that negative thoughts can be actually harmful
on our mental and physical health, as well as our overall well -being. In his book,
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, a title which I love, Dispensa talks about
negative thinking being a bad habit. So he's referring to the idea that negative
thought patterns can become ingrained in our minds and become automatic if we indulge
them. So these thought patterns can be habitual and very difficult to break. And he
believes that our thoughts and emotions create neural pathways in our brain and that
the more we repeat a thought or an emotion, the stronger the neural pathway becomes.
Now he argues that if we can break the habit of negative thinking by becoming aware
of our thoughts and emotions, intentionally choosing to focus on positive thoughts and
emotions instead, we can rewire the neural pathways and create new positive thought
patterns, thus attracting more positive, successful things into our life.
Now, I want to pause here because the flip side of having negative thought loops is
often associated with toxic positivity. And I want to be really careful because toxic
positivity is an excessive focus on positive thinking and attitude to the point of
denying or dismissing negative emotions and experiences. Now toxic positivity can
actually be harmful because it can make people feel guilty or ashamed for
experiencing negative emotions, which can lead to a suppression of emotions and
avoidance of dealing with underlying issues. We are not looking for a massive
pendulum swing here. In essence, changing negative thought patterns involves
acknowledging and addressing negative thoughts and beliefs in a constructive way.
Toxic positivity involves avoiding all or denying all negative thoughts and emotions,
and that's not what we're talking about. So it's a subtle but really important
difference. The key takeaway being just simply start paying attention to your patterns
of thought and speech. And ask yourself this question, are you always focusing on
what isn't working instead of what is? And are you giving yourself credit for what
you've done right today or what went right today? And that can mean like little
small wins like finding a good parking spot or money in the meter or Making your
bed or remembering to exercise and drink plenty of water you get to take credit for
that you get to relish taking care of yourself as a win or having something joyful
happen unexpectedly as a win. So it's not always about promotions and raises and
marriage proposals and you know buying a house. It's the daily wins it's I woke up
today and my back wasn't stiff or I woke up today and my dog was happy to see
me. I mean, sitting in those moments is just as important as celebrating the big
stuff. And then ask yourself, are you following the rules of improv? And I'll just
recap those. The first one being yes and the second one being, are you blocking
opportunities by by focusing on the negative. So in other words, are you saying no
or but instead of I'm grateful or this is wonderful?
The third one, are you using statements? Are you making statements? That is, are you
using positive affirmations? Are you talking kindly to yourself? And look,
if your goal is to be thin or your goal is to be rich or your goal is to be
free, You don't have to already be there to make those statements. You can start
saying it now. I am beautiful. I am rich I am free Because what will happen is
you will train yourself to attract those things By simply saying them over and over
and over again and the fourth one is are you staying present? Are you enjoying the
moment? So here's the thing whether you're into comedy or neuroscience or both,
there is evidence to support that your thoughts and your words have a significant
impact on the quality of your life. So the next time something good happens, sit in
it. Enjoy it. Think of it as sunshine on your face or wind at your back.
Let it propel you forward by appreciating it. And that will be the secret to
attracting more of it. All right, friends, that's what I have for you today. I
thank you for sharing this time with me and I look forward to talking to you soon.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're
enjoying these episodes, please subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be
in the know when the next episode drops. If you would like to learn more about
working with me as a coach, you can connect with me through my website at
jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.
