Ep #52: Are You Making Yourself a Priority?

You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy episode 52. This is the one
where we're going to talk about making yourself a priority. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis. Hi there, welcome back.
So last week, I was talking about learning to celebrate yourself, whether it was
your birthday and you decided to order the dessert, eat the cake, throw yourself a
party, or just let people know it was your birthday and celebrate yourself all
month. That was one aspect of celebrating yourself. But it wasn't just an episode
about birthday celebrations. It was also about celebrating your wins. It was a
reminder to practice taking a moment and honoring whatever good comes your way,
whether that's finding, you know, a quarter on the sidewalk, or maybe no line at
the checkout stand at the grocery store, or a great parking spot, or even a
promotion, but taking time to celebrate yourself. Whether you chalk it up to good
luck, or your hard work, or good timing, or just opportunities,
it's important to acknowledge the good stuff and your connection to the good stuff.
And it's very similar to gratitude. The more you have, the more good things you
attract. It's energetic. It's magnetic. And it's why it continues to attract more of
it. But today I want to talk to you about something that's in a similar vein, but
yet different. And that's about making yourself a priority. I'm always amazed how
many of us, and I'm included in this list, put ourselves on the back burner. So
many of us are so good at prioritizing their work, their spouses,
their kids, their extended family or friends, but they seem to run out of time when
it comes to meeting their own needs. And what happens is when we do this, it
becomes a habit. It's like we want to make sure that everyone else is clothed and
fed and driven and happy and safe and getting all their needs and wants and desires
met. And then the thought is, well if I have time I'll feed myself,
I'll get some rest, and maybe I'll practice some self -care. But we actually have it
backwards. The truth is that by the time you've done everything for everyone else,
you're probably too exhausted to bother caring for yourself. This is when we're most
likely to turn to artificial stimulants or depressants to numb the feeling of fatigue
or exhaustion. And it's things like, you know, in taking too much caffeine, or
alcohol, or junk food, or watching mindless TV, because we've simply run out of time
and energy to take proper self -care of ourselves. And like everything, that becomes
a pattern too. We just don't have the energy to get exercise or work on something
fun or creative or spend time alone to figure out even what we want or need when
we're so busy taking care of everybody else around us. So this is something I hear
a lot in my client sessions. Whether it's the overworked executive who's always
trying to please their boss or their clients, or it's the working mom or dad who
spends most of their energy when they're not at work shuttling kids to and from
activities, planning meals, running errands, or it's the person who's planning
activities, parties, volunteering for everybody else, it's because we become addicted
to being needed. We become reliant on people pleasing.
And we become uncomfortable in our own silence or even our own pleasure.
Like it actually feels awkward for so many of my clients to just sit and do
something pleasurable for themselves, whether that's reading a book or taking a walk
alone or just spending time alone in their car. They feel like it has to have
purpose, like they have to be commuting to work or they have to be at a business
lunch or dinner or drinks, but they just don't feel like it's okay to just give
themselves permission to make themselves a priority. Clients will often say,
"I feel guilty taking time by myself. Because I already spend so much time working
away from my family, or I feel guilty about spending time away from my partner
because they don't have the same need to be alone or with other friends. Or
sometimes it's I feel guilty about spending money on myself or doing something nice
for myself. And the list goes on. We just develop these habits of putting ourselves
last. Because somewhere in our life, we were told that self -care is selfish.
Probably there was somebody in our life who made us feel guilty for taking care of
ourselves or spending time alone or money on things we wanted or needed. So we just
learned to do without. We just started this pattern of becoming givers instead of
takers. And like I've said before, I'm not suggesting that you become a selfish
Narcissist, nor am I saying that you need a designer handbag in lieu of your child
getting braces or saving for a college fund. It's not about becoming self -centered.
I'm just talking about adding yourself, including yourself on the list of priorities
in the same way that you would your boss, your romantic partner, your best friend,
"Your kid, your dog, your cat, whatever." So why is this so important?
So what are the dangers of not making yourself a priority? Well, one thing is
burnout. Whether it's work burnout or home burnout, if you become burned out,
your ecosystem kind of falls apart because then there's no one to take care of it
and no one has learned how to take care of you. so you're kind of all alone in
your burnout and the balls just kind of drop. The other is resentment. Although many
people are addicted to always giving, helping and doing for others, there's a part
of them that hopes there will be some reciprocation someday. There's a secret hope
that someone will take note of their endless generosity, whether it's their time or
money or emotional capacity. The other is short -fused. Eventually, we all get tired.
Whether we get tired from not prioritizing our own rest or nutrition or mental
break, eventually the situation, that is, ourselves, begins to short -circuit.
This leads to a short fuse and a quick temper, and nobody likes to be around that.
And the other thing is identity For those people who have spent their lifetime
people -pleasing, especially in the workplace or at home, when the job ends or the
children grow up or if the marriage should come to an end, the person who has
spent their life caring for others has an identity crisis. They don't know what they
even like or want because they were always so focused on what others wanted and
needed. Okay, so we've talked about the negative impacts of putting yourself last or
not prioritizing yourself. What are the benefits to making yourself a priority?
Well, the first thing is when you learn how to meet your own needs, you will stop
relying on others to make you happy. In other words, even if it's unconscious,
you won't be doing this quid pro quo. If only I do this, then somebody will
eventually do something for me. Now, that may not be a conscious thought, but like
I said, that's where the resentment comes in. I do so much for others, nobody does
for me. But if you do for yourself, you won't be disappointed. You won't be
worrying about, is anyone helping me? You'll learn to make yourself happy.
The second, when you make yourself a priority, you're showing others that you're a
priority. And they'll start making you one too. It's kinda like monkey see monkey
do. So showing up and having boundaries, making yourself a priority,
that's gonna teach others how to prioritize you too. The third one is when you're
happy or at least taken care of, that is you're fed, rested, exercised and have met
your own needs, you are so much better equipped to handle stress, problem -solving,
and meet the needs of others. It's like the old expression, "You cannot pour from
an empty cup." And the fourth one is, when you make yourself a priority, you're not
robbing your children of their time with you. You're role -modeling for them. You're
showing them the importance of prioritizing yourself. This is such an important and
to teach children because this is who you want them to be as grown -ups. So the
next time you quote feel guilty about taking time for yourself or doing things that
bring you joy or practicing daily self -care, I invite you to think about how you're
actually helping the people you care the most about because when you show up for
yourself, identify what you need, what you want, what you like, You show up
differently in the world You arrive at work or running errands or in the carpool
line or the soccer matches or whatever is going on for you With more energy more
presence and more joy And that's a benefit to everyone who interacts with you.
You're actually making the world a better place By adding yourself to your list of
priorities So I invite you to start doing for yourself each day in the same way
you would for a loved one and for your community Just take the time and practice
that self -care Make sure you're getting your needs met too Because everyone is going
to be happier. It's a win -win Alright friends. I will talk to you next time.
I wish you a great week and bye for now.