You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 51. This is the one
where we're going to talk about the most powerful thought you can think. Let's dive
in. This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis. Hi there and welcome back. So,
as many of you know, I spend a lot of time on this podcast talking about the
power of your thoughts. And this is kind of the cornerstone of coaching. Coaches are
like private trainers for your mind. We work with clients to help them identify
their thoughts, their thought patterns, their limited beliefs, which is just a term
for recurring negative thoughts that often hold us back in some way. Learning to be
in touch with your thoughts and learning to challenge them, in other words, not
taking every thought you have as gospel or truth is a really powerful tool because
our brains like to trick us, meaning we like to come up with a thought and then
we like to believe it, like that it's the absolute 100 % truth. And learning to
turn it around and go, "Is that true? Is that a hundred percent true? Is the most
valuable tool you can learn to sort of stop overthinking in its tracks?" So why do
our brains trick us in that way? Well, it's because we're wired for safety and self
-preservation. Our brains are looking for what could go wrong. or we tend to focus
on what did go wrong instead of what went right. While safety and preservation are
important to our survival, this kind of thinking can often lead us to feeling overly
anxious and worrying about what could happen or might happen instead of the present
and what is happening. So in other words, too much worry leads to hypervigilance,
either future or past focus, and it robs us of being present. Well,
not every person is wired this way. Those of you who identify as overthinkers or
anyone that suffers from stress or anxiety, people pleasing or similar conditions know
exactly what I'm talking about. So in the past episodes, I've talked about how to
reframe your thoughts, as well as our thoughts create our results in life. But
today, I want to talk about one of the most powerful thoughts you can think when
you're feeling stuck in a situation. Oftentimes, we can feel like victims of a
circumstance or victims of multiple circumstances. We think that things just happen to
us. And while circumstances happen to us all the time, we don't have to be victims
of them. We are never powerless in a particular circumstance. And we're never truly
stuck. We are always capable of turning that victim mentality around with just one
thought. And that thought is this. I have choices.
Because we always have choices. And yet, we forget this.
We give away our power to others by letting them dictate our circumstances and by
giving up our own power to choose. So I thought for the purpose of this episode I
would share a few client stories. So I have one client who currently feels stuck in
her career. She makes good money but the demands of her job are relentless. She
typically has so many meetings that she's almost booked every hour on the hour
Monday through Friday and then has a ton of material to read and digest in the
evenings and weekends. So she never feels like she ever gets away from the pressures
of work. It consumes her. Her emails come in all hours of the day and nights and
because she works in television navigating the politics within her company is like
another full -time job. So she feels like a prisoner of her job and stress, and
it's kind of infecting all aspects of her life, her relationships, her health, her
outlook. So we spent some time talking about choices. She could choose to look for
another job. She could choose another career path. She could quit her job,
or she could just choose to look at it differently. She could get in touch with
the aspects of why she chose this career in the first place. And in her case,
it was because it was creative, it was prestigious, and it was lucrative. So I
asked her, are those things still true? And she said they were. It is still
creative and it's still prestigious and it's still lucrative. So in that case, she
could choose to show up every day sitting in that energy, the energy of I chose
this path and I still choose this path. And then from that place,
what she could do is create a more manageable work schedule for herself. She could
shorten her meeting times. She could organize her calendar for a meeting free day to
catch up on her work or just more time to think creatively. She could create
boundaries around answering emails, say early in the morning or later in the evening.
You get the idea. But the point is once you sit in the energy of I choose this
path, then what action can you take to alleviate your self -imposed stress?
In another case, I have a client who is a working mom and is just burned out from
her job and raising kids, and running her household. She wanted to take a weekend
away but was afraid to ask her husband for time away from their family. She was
afraid he wouldn't take kindly to the request. And this further perpetuated her
feelings of overwhelm and feeling trapped by her circumstances. So I asked her, "What
did you choose in this situation, in this life you've created?" And she said, "Well,
I chose to have a career and to get married and to have a family, but I didn't
know that it would be so overwhelming or I didn't know it would be so all
-encompassing and not leave much breathing room for me." So we explored what choices
she had now, given the choices she made earlier. She could just continue to suffer
through the burnout, growing resentful of her children and her husband and her
career, or she could have a conversation with her husband, explaining what was going
on for her, and that she needed to take a weekend away with a friend or a sister,
whatever, even by herself, just to have a break from the routine. Now,
she was fearful this might upset her husband and he might feel burdened by taking
care of the kids himself, or he might resent her for taking time without him, or
he might be passive aggressive when she returned. But when she got in touch with
what she truly needed and was able to sit down with him and have an open and
honest conversation about it, the results were really excellent. While her husband was
a little uncomfortable at first, he embraced it, and it was kind of a bonding
experience for them to have clear communication. So had she not done this,
that is being open to a conversation with the possibility of discomfort with her
husband, she would have just chosen to be uncomfortable and unhappy and resentful in
her own body and her own mind, which would have been a terrible disservice to both
her husband, her career, and herself. In another case, I have a client who is on
the precipice of a divorce and she moved away as part of a trial separation, and
the separation has been very good for both her and her husband. So now she's not
sure if she wants to go back and live with him or if she wants to travel or if
she wants to get a more permanent place in her new location. She's sort of at a
crossroads of choice. And she said, as liberating as it is to finally have choices
in my life and they're all kind of exciting and interesting. She said,
"I feel overwhelmed by them." She says, "I have decision paralysis." And I said,
"Well, what's causing the paralysis?" And she said, "I'm simply afraid to make the
wrong choice. So I'd rather not make any choice." And that was causing her great
distress, that is being in limbo. Well, she says, As a self -proclaimed people
-pleaser, she just is so accustomed to making everyone else happy that she's afraid
of judgment. She's afraid of making the wrong choice, and then people saying,
"I told you so," or "Why did you think that was a good idea?" And this is one of
the most common problems for overthinkers and people -pleasers. They're afraid to make
their own choices because they're afraid of judgment, and they're afraid of somebody
being upset with them. Well, where does that come from? Most often, it comes from
our childhood. When there was a controlling or difficult parent or authority figure
at the helm of our childhood, oftentimes that parental figure pounced on the
opportunity to shame the child for choices they didn't approve of. So in order to
avoid the wrath, whether that was verbal or emotional or physical abuse, the victim,
that is the child, developed the coping mechanism of people pleasing and not being
in touch with what they really wanted. In other words, they gave away their power
of choice when they became adults. So when they finally became adults and were free
from that following authority figure. They simply transferred the power to others,
whether that was their romantic relationships, their friendships, their bosses, or
their colleagues. So even if we break the cycle of parental approval,
if we don't recognize that this was a pattern in our life, we just keep repeating
it in other ways and other forms. This is how we end up with decision paralysis.
We become overwhelmed or paralyzed by having choices. So how do we combat this?
Well, we learn to embrace that choice is a way of taking your power back.
Once again, it starts with our thoughts. So here are some powerful thoughts around
choice. You can think to yourself, "I trust myself," or "There are no wrong
choices." "I can trust my gut," or "If I make a mistake,
I can always make another choice later." This choice does not define me. "I have
other choices." "I am not stuck," or "My favorite one" is "Every choice is an
opportunity for learning." So, you don't have to adopt all of these thoughts. You
don't have to adopt any of these thoughts. The exercise is to find a thought. And
if there's one on this list, by all means, take notes, write it down. But if
there's a thought that resonates with you, that you can go to when you need or
want or have to make a choice, if you can choose one of these thoughts and sit in
the empowerment of choice. You are taking your power back and you're taking control
of your life. So another powerful question is this. What choice would I make if I
didn't have to consider anyone else's feelings or opinions? If you can answer this
honestly, this is likely to be your North Star. I'm not saying you should not
consider loved ones in your decisions, but in order to find your path, you have to
be able to answer that question first, even if it's not the path you take, but
it's about knowing where you would like to be if you only considered your own
thoughts and feelings. And sometimes then the path will present itself just because
you know where you're going. So there's a choice in every action that we do or not
to. Even if you're in a situation that feels like there is no way out due to
financial circumstances or logistical circumstances or custodial circumstances,
you still have a choice about what you think about your situation.
So I was listening to an interview with the director Sean Levy. He's known for,
he's not only the executive producer of Stranger Things, but he was the director of
Free Guy. He was director of the Night of the Museum franchise. He's done so many
brilliant comedies and he's just beloved in the entertainment business. So he was
doing this interview conducted by some of his friends and they commented on how much
fun he is to be around both personally and professionally. They love working with
him and they love just hanging out with him. So they said, "Sean, where did that
come from? Like, where did that joyous love of life,
love of your work, love of your friends, love of everything come from?" And he
explained that although his parents were divorced when he was three and his mother
was a bit of a drinker, which was not a very happy upbringing. He remembered making
the decision as a little boy, "I want to choose a happy life." He felt like it
was a choice. And now that he has this huge movie and television career as a
writer, director, and even actor, he loves what he does, he entertains millions of
people around the globe, and he just enjoys his life. So, as a result,
he has this sort of infectious nature, and so people who work with him and know
him and hang out with him enjoy him too. But all of this comes from sitting in
the energy of, "I chose this. I am choosing to do this.
I have choices." Or even the thought, I choose to be happy in this situation.
Like Sean Levy said, I chose to have a happy life. These are just powerful,
energetic shifts, even if you don't change your circumstance, just thinking that
you've made a choice. So you might ask yourself this, what are you currently
choosing to tolerate? And what different choice could you make today?
Because it's up to you. It's all a series of choices. And that's the power in and
of itself is knowing that you're in control of those choices.
All right, friends, I wanna wish you a great week. And as always, I look forward
to talking to you next time And bye for now.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're
enjoying these episodes, please subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be
in the know when the next episode drops. If you would like to learn more about
working with me as a coach, you can connect with me through my website at
jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E A -R -I -N -I -S dot com.
