You are listening to episode 55 of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. This is the one
where we're going to talk all about how to stop imposter syndrome. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there, and welcome back. So I think the third time is a charm. The first time
I tried to record this, there were birds singing so loud outside my office. It
sounded like I was playing some kind of animal soundtrack underneath it. And then
the second time there was like a fleet of sirens going down the highway. And I'm
super worried that my dog is going to start barking either because of the birds or
because of the sirens. So hopefully third time is a charm. And now we're finally
recording this episode. So for this episode, I want to talk about a common term
called imposter syndrome, which many of you know, because if you have experienced it,
you certainly know the term for it. But for those of you who don't know it, or
for those of you who might have experienced and didn't know it had a name, I'm
just going to give you the literal definition. So imposter syndrome is an internal
experience of believing that you're not as competent as others perceive you to be.
It's basically the fear of being a fraud. But despite being a syndrome, it is not
a diagnosable mental illness. Symptoms of imposter syndrome can include anything from
crediting luck or other reasons for your success. It might be the fear of being
seen as a failure. It could be feeling that overworking is the only way to meet
other people's expectations. Another symptom of it is feeling unworthy of attention or
affection. Another symptom is downplaying your accomplishments. Another is holding
yourself back from reaching attainable goals. An imposter syndrome is often accompanied
by anxiety and /or depression. So, the syndrome was first identified in the 70s as a
psychological phenomenon. The prevalent thought was that you only succeeded due to
luck, and not because of your actual talent or qualification. So, in 1978,
two psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, I think I'm pronouncing her
name correctly, wrote a paper where they theorized that women were uniquely affected
by impostor syndrome. Now, since then, research has shown that both men and women
experience impostor feelings. But Clance later went on to publish a paper
acknowledging that impostor syndrome is not just limited to women. And she also
created an impostor syndrome test, which if I can, I'm going to link that test to
the show notes if you're curious, if you suffer from this as well. But Imposter
syndrome and its symptoms can manifest in a variety of ways. So it can show up in
your workplace. That is, people with imposter syndrome often attribute their success,
or to luck, like I said, rather than their own abilities or work ethic, which can
end up holding people back from asking for a raise or applying for a promotion.
They might also feel like they have to overwork themselves to achieve the impossibly
high standards they've set for themselves. And what does that lead to? Workaholism.
So, imposter syndrome, while typically is associated with the workplace,
it's not exclusive to the workplace. It also shows up in the home. Any parent can
probably remember a point when they felt clueless or incapable or totally unprepared
for the responsibility of raising a child. This is why new moms get so flustered
with a crying newborn. When a baby cries, it makes you feel like you are literally
failing as a parent. But this can be true when your child grows up as well,
whether they're struggling in school, making friends, or even just pushing boundaries
when they become teenagers. As parents, we feel like our children are a reflection
of us. So if they're struggling, we think it's because we're not doing something
right. We think we're failing as parents. So where else does imposter syndrome show
up? Well, it shows up at school. Students often talk about not speaking up in class
or asking questions for fear that their teachers or their classmates might think that
they're clueless. Well, this creates a vicious cycle because when students or children
don't ask questions or get clarification, they're likely to fall behind and not catch
up. And then this becomes a self -perpetuating cycle. They literally become clueless
for fear of being judged about being clueless. Now, this also shows up in
relationships. Oftentimes, people feel unworthy of the affection they get from a
significant other, and fear their partner will discover they're not actually that
great. This can lead to self -sabotage that ends a relationship prematurely before the
other person can. But we've all experienced this, like things are going great in a
relationship and suddenly somebody disappears or they break up with you. That may not
be about you. That may be about them and their issues of commitment because they
may be suffering from imposter syndrome. So feelings of self -doubt can stir up a
lot of fear, anxiety, and stress. And studies have suggested that imposter syndrome
can lead to a drop in job performance and job satisfaction. It's one of those
things where you end up working harder, not smarter to compensate for what you think
you don't know. But the thing is, we don't think as clearly when we're stressed.
So by being stressed, by suffering from imposter syndrome, we're actually working
harder than we have to, and that's actually impacting our job performance. So all of
this leads to greater and faster burnout, because we're putting in more time, more
hours, more stress, more anxiety, and we're probably not producing our best work as
a result of it. But if you have imposter syndrome, you're not alone. Somewhere
between 65 and 85 % of the population has experienced imposter syndrome at some point
in their life. And for some people, it never goes away. Even accomplished well -known
people report battling imposter syndrome. There's been several articles written on
this. And the list of famous people who self -identify as having imposter syndrome or
having had imposter syndrome include the extraordinary talent of writer /producer
/actress Tina Fey, the greatest female tennis player of all time, Serena Williams,
the award -winning author Maya Angelou, the Academy Award -winning actor Tom Hanks,
and the supremely talented successful singer -songwriter, actress Lady Gaga, and the
list goes on. And like many industries, the entertainment industry is especially known
for triggering imposter syndrome. And I don't know what the correlation is between
entertainment and imposter syndrome, but if I had to guess, I would think it's
because entertainment is about creative invention and reinvention. And a lot of what
creates the magic and the brilliance of great art is trial and error and instinct.
So probably when a creative person strikes gold, there's a terrible fear of not
being able to replicate one's own success. And as a former television executive, I
saw this all the time with writers, directors, producers, and actors. But I also saw
it within myself. Kind of the higher I went up the food chain, the more I that I
didn't know. And the executives I worked with felt exactly the same way. So one of
the tendencies of people with imposter syndrome is to focus on the things that have
gone wrong rather than the things that are going right. And as a coach, I see this
a lot with my clients who struggle with this syndrome. Even those that are wildly
successful in their business and even in their personal life. And like the research
shows this is true for both men and women, although I tend to see it happen more
often with women. But why does the syndrome plague successful people? It seems kind
of incongruent, right? You finally reach success. Why are you suffering from imposter
syndrome? Well, it has very similar characteristics to other conditions like
hypervigilance and perfectionism, which are likely to be coping mechanisms that were
formed as trauma responses from our childhood. But it's not impossible to overcome
these feelings. It is very much the kind of things we work on in coaching because
the strategies are all focused on rewiring your self -perception. So what are the
strategies that can help you mitigate or eliminate imposter syndrome?
All right, here they are. identify your accomplishments, literally make a list of as
many things that you have accomplished that you can think of, big or small. What
can you point to that you were responsible for or part of making happen? It could
be something that you created, something you identified, something that you championed,
something that you were just part of the process. When you write it down and you
sit in the energy of I have done something great before, whether that's getting an
A on a test or whether it's landing a job that you wanted or getting a promotion
or having a successful relationship, sitting in the energy that you have done it
before, even if it's not going well right now, is the buoyant energy that you want
to be in to replicate your success. So What's another strategy?
Celebrate your successes when they happen. That means accept the praise, accept the
awards, the bonus, the raise, the compliments. Don't diminish it.
Don't discount it. It's so easy for us to just throw it away when somebody says,
"Oh, I loved your book," or "I loved your movie," or "I thought that was a great
performance." Our brains tend to want to think, well, they have to say that or
everybody says that or they just don't know what else to say. Take the compliment.
If somebody has taken the time to give you that praise or that compliment or that
bonus or that raise or that award, accept it graciously and let your body feel it.
This will help you practice celebrating your success. What's another one?
Well, let go of perfectionism. Perfectionism is the kryptonite of creativity.
We think that if we work really, really hard and get it perfect, that's the only
way we can succeed. It's simply not true. Well, I believe you should strive for
excellence. Excellence is not perfectionism. Excellence is just setting a high bar and
reaching for that bar. But perfectionism is a way in which you stop completing
things or you stop accomplishing things or you stop creating things because it's
never truly perfect in your mind. So perfectionism is not something you want to
indulge or cultivate. Alright, What's another strategy? Cultivate self -compassion.
How would you speak or encourage someone you love? That's how you should talk to
yourself. You would never tell your child or your partner that they were a fraud.
You would never ever undermine somebody's hard work and passion if you cared about
them. You have to treat yourself the same way. That's the definition of self
-compassion. Be forgiving, be loving, be supportive. All right, what's another strategy?
Talk to a friend about your fears. Sometimes admitting imposter syndrome to a close
friend can mitigate the fear itself. Just like having an accountability partner, it's
great to have a friend who can remind you, you got this and you are doing great.
The Next one is talk to a coach or a therapist about your feelings. Learn to
reframe your negative thoughts. Tolerating imposter syndrome through your life is
unnecessary. It's like being chased by a monster your whole life, a monster that's
not even there. It's an unnecessary tax on your adrenal glands and it just creates
stress. And you know what stress gets? Stress gets stress. We think it keeps us
motivated because at some point, maybe the imposter syndrome or the hypervigilance or
the perfectionism was a modus operandi. It worked when we were young, but it's not
sustainable. But it's kind of like eating junk food. We can get away with that when
we're young and we're moving around a lot, but it's not a good long -term strategy
for a healthy lifestyle. Neither is imposter syndrome. Allowing negative thoughts to
run the show is no different than eating junk food for the rest of your life. And
you know what? It's exhausting. So if you're suffering from imposter syndrome, you
can change your thoughts simply by implementing these very basic strategies. You can
recondition your brain to trust your competent and successful self. So drawing upon
your success from the past is the energy that you need to keep going forward.
The mistake that so many people make in trying to break the imposter syndrome cycle
is weaponizing one's own success against themselves. Rather than sitting in your
successful energy of "I can do this," your brain wants to say,
"Well, it was just a fluke and I can't recreate it." But you have to challenge
that thought. You need to use your past successes as buoyant energy to believe in
yourself. All right, friends, that's what I have for you this week. I hope you have
a good one. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye for now. Thank you
for listening into this episode of The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying
these episodes, please subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be in the
know when the next episode drops. If you would like to learn more about working
with me as a coach, you can connect with me through my website at jackiedecrinis
.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.
