Ep #81: Post-Quarter Life Crisis: A Conversation with My Daughter Morgan

You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 81. This is the one
where I have the pleasure of interviewing one of my daughters, Morgan, on managing a
quarter -life crisis. I had done an earlier episode about this subject when she was
going through it, and this is sort of a follow -up of what happened after she put
the work in and changed things in her life. Let's dive in. This is a podcast for
overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling overanxious and
just want to feel better. I'm your host certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hi there, and welcome back. Today I have a special guest. I mean, she's special in
a lot of ways. She's somebody very close to me. She's somebody I adore. I am super
biased. But I would adore her even if she weren't related to me. It is my
daughter, Morgan. And she agreed to come on the podcast today because I actually did
an episode about Morgan about a year ago, almost exactly a year ago. And it was an
episode 54 called Managing a Quarter Life Crisis. And at the time,
I didn't choose to identify her as my daughter because to protect her privacy and
her journey, I spoke about her as if she was my client because at the time I was
talking to her every day and advising her as best as I could as both her mom,
her friend, and a little bit as a life coach. But what happened since then after
her quarter life crisis is that she has had this remarkable transformation,
this remarkable journey for the past year in terms of kind of hitting the reset
button on her whole life. And I invited her, or actually she offered to me to be
on the podcast today to talk about that journey and to talk about what it meant to
reinvent your life at the quarter point. And hopefully we all do live to 100.
But at 26 years old, she's here to chat about her journey, about what happened
between ages 25 and now 26. And with that, I welcome my daughter,
Morgan. - Hi, everyone. I'm Morgan. - I'm Morgan. - Hi, Morgan. - Hi, mom.
Yeah, I thought of this because since I've moved from where I was a year ago,
I started to try to make new friends. So I joined, as you know, Pickleball Leagues
and Softball Leagues. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you even get into the new, just
do a, like, one minute, two minute recap of where you were a year ago,
just in case they haven't listened to episode 54 managing a quarter -life crisis.
They don't may not know anything about you or quarter -life or anything. And just
talk about what your life was a year ago and where you've come. Okay, so I'm not
going to talk about anything before 25. I'll just talk about kind of where I was
at 25. So at 25 years old, I was living in a city I hated.
I was working a job I despised, and I was living with my boyfriend at the time,
now my ex, who I had come to the conclusion was just not for me anymore.
And when I say just not for me, I just want to be clear. He was not abusive. He
was not toxic. But we were dating since we were 19. We were 25 at the point. And
I had realized we had fully grown into two different people. You know, I loved his
journey and I wanted to be on mine. And it was just not cohesive anymore. It just
didn't make any sense. Well, let me just let me stop you for one quick second
there, because because that's an important... A lot of people might say, well, six
years isn't like so long. Six years is a lifetime when you're talking about 19 to
25. It is almost your entire adult life, and six years is a long time,
but six years is a huge amount of time when you're 25. It was a fifth of my
life. Yeah. Yeah. It's a fifth of my life at that point. That's a long time for
somebody. And at And at that point, maybe this isn't for everybody, but we had
talked about marriage and we had talked about having kids and buying a home. And
the more that we talked about that, because that's, I think, a natural thing for a
young couple to do, the more I thought to myself, oh, this isn't gonna work. I
can't see myself with this person getting married, buying a home, having children.
And I especially can't see at working this job and living in this city that they
loved. So I need to remove myself from the situation. And that was apparent because
I can't change the city. I don't want to change this person and I need to change
this job, but all three of them weren't working. So I kind of take a stick of
dynamite and blow it up and start from scratch. And luckily, because I was 25 and
because I had family support and because I am in therapy, it just kind of struck
me like, okay, this is a very scary thing that's about to happen, but that needs
to happen and we're going to start from scratch.
That's a big bold move at any age. At any age. And there are people and the
reason, so the reason why I came on today is because back to kind of what I was
saying in the beginning is, you know, and I'll talk about where my life is now.
But when people say, what brought you to this city, this new city I'm living in?
And I say, Oh, well, in the same week, which really was the same week, I quit my
job, broke up with my boyfriend and moved across the country. And no matter what
age, I tell whoever, you know, asks me this random question, which is a normal get
to know you question, they go, I'm sorry, what? And I go, Yeah, this is something,
you know, I did, I know, it's kind of crazy. And they go, either I could never do
that, or that's a bold thing to do, or good for you, or wow. And at first,
I was really embarrassed about it. I remember telling you, you know, you asked me,
like, can we talk, can I talk about this in my podcast? This is an inspiring
story. We don't know where we're going to be a year from now. And I didn't, you
know, I was embarrassed because I was like, well, is this giving up? Is this, you
know, me feeling crazy? Is this, you know, brave and independent? And at the end of
the day, it's sometimes just necessary when you have the ability to do that. I
didn't have children. I didn't own a home. I didn't even have a car. So at that
point, when I kind of looked at everything in my life and I said, I'm not happy
in so many important places, what can I do to change that? Oh, I can change all
three, let's change all three. Let's completely shift the environment. And I think
that's a really important lesson for anybody in their life. You know, obviously those
scenarios change when you have children, I think, and when you own a home, and you
know, there's certain things weighing you down, but then there's a lot of things
that don't weigh you down and that you can start over. And it is a big risk. it's
a huge risk. I took a big one. Luckily, it worked out. I have a job I love now
that I got a week after I quit my other job. And I can't say that it's going to
be the same for everyone. I'm in a place that is much better than the place I was
living in, physically, I mean the environment. And I'm in a new relationship that
has been so wonderful and loving. And I've taken a lot of lessons from the old one
that I know, "Okay, here's the steps I don't repeat, or here's the things I've
worked now that don't come up five years later, and then I have a crisis and call
my mom and have to start over again." But this isn't my plan forever, is to keep
blowing up my life and moving to new cities and starting new jobs and have new
relationships. You kind of get one or two or one every 25 years,
I would say to kind of do this because then if you're doing it over and over
again, then it's a pattern, right? but sometimes it is important and sometimes it is
risky and Something that you know, it takes hearing someone else's story even to say
you did that I can do that too Yeah, so talk about the journey So first you had
to acknowledge that you were unhappy which was really hard because,
and I'll just correct your math, you said it was a fifth of your life. It was
actually, ironically, a quarter of your life. Six divided by 25 is closer to half,
yeah. But no, I just think it's ironic, it's only ironic, I don't mean to correct
your math, but it's ironic only that it's a quarter -life crisis and it was a
quarter of your life and it was all of your adult life. So it's a whole and a
quarter and it's all the things. And it doesn't really matter. It's just there's
just so much attached to those particular six years. That's because it's such a big
journey from sophomore year in college to, you know, 25 years old living on your
own. But just talk about like your emotional journey. And then like this, the actual
steps you took. So I imagine the first part was admitting, I'm not happy,
right? That was definitely the first part. The first The first part was, again, it's
three big things, right? It was my environment, my job, and my relationship. So I
felt like there was no escape. And actually the first thing I did, I first started
noticing this, I gained a lot of weight. And there are people that gain weight and
wear it well. I had multiple people tell me in my life, I look like I've
ballooned. And that's not to be funny. I truly was
And my body had so much cortisol from the stress that I was taking in and not
telling people because I was embarrassed to say I don't like my boyfriend anymore. I
don't like the place I'm living and I don't like my job because there are so many
people, you know, I had this kind of self data, well, there's so many people that
don't have a job and there's so many people that can't live in these places. I was
living in a really big city and there's so many people that are in relationships.
And again, my boyfriend wasn't abusive so okay well he's not abusive he's a good
guy he's just not right for me but maybe we can work on it. So first it was a
lot of negative South talk and it took actually a year beforehand a friend of mine
came to visit me and she sat me down you know I was telling her about my life
and I didn't see this friend very often and she was a friend from college and I
adore her and she saw me and we sat down and I and she was like just you know
tell me how you were and then all of a sudden it was an hour of me crying and
telling her, "I am extremely unhappy," and she said,
"You have to leave." And I said, "I don't know how." And she said, "I'm not saying
you have to leave tomorrow, you know, but you have to start making a plan." It
took me about a year because I didn't have family close by. There are people that
can pick up their stuff and go to their parents' house 20 minutes away. That is a
great start. I didn't have that option. I also didn't have a lot of money. So I
was working this job because that was my only option. If I quit, where was I gonna
get the money to go somewhere? You know, I was very close to my ex's family. So I
didn't wanna leave them. We had a dog. I didn't wanna leave her. Those are all
things that kept me down and kept me what I felt stuck.
So it was a year of thinking about this, I started to exercise. That was a huge
first step. I finally decided I was going to exercise for the first time in my
life. I'm not athletic. I didn't know where to start. I literally just started
walking on a treadmill. That was it. That was the only thing I did for months. And
then I started watching workout videos. And it was my one hour a day, because I
also worked from home with my ex in the same apartment. So it was truly like I,
you know, I couldn't see out of the shield. I started walking, And it was my one
hour day to clear my mind and I slowly that was my time to just think or call my
mom You know and talk and be alone and while moving my body and while clearing the
cortisol out of my body So I slowly started to lose weight and then once I started
to lose weight and once I started to literally sweat it out You know, I started
making those plans and then it took me The reason why actually I kind of hit a
wall was at my job. I felt so, and I don't recommend anyone doing this,
I felt so dumb. My boss made me feel so just dumb. He made me feel really stupid,
which no boss should ever do to anybody. No one is stupid, but sometimes there's a
lack of communication and it just doesn't work. And so I went to my doctor and I
got an Adderall prescription 'cause I thought I couldn't stay awake. I couldn't
figure out what he was saying. I wasn't paying attention enough. And I tried one
Adderall and I truly went through a tailspin where I had to stop working early.
I told them I felt sick that day. I had to stop working. I went into the lobby
of my apartment and I called my therapist and I said, "I'm having an Adderall
attack." And I realized I am so unhappy and I hate my job and I hate where I am
and I hate my boyfriend and all of this needs to change. And it took me calming
down and he said, okay, let's start making a plan. And he said, the first thing
you need to do is call someone you trust that you know you can stay with for a
while. And so I called my sister, your daughter, your older one. And I said,
you know, this is what's happening. You know, after this was the next day, I said,
this is what's happening. I've made this decision. I'm going to leave my partner.
I'm going to leave this city city and I'm gonna quit my job and I need your help
to just hold my hand and she said come on down we got you this is a safe space
so number one is finding that safe space whoever it is a friend a family member
making sure that I had a hand to hold just for a little bit so you know I Again,
finally told my boyfriend at the time, and I said, it was one night while watching
TV, we were getting ready for bed. And was it the greatest time? No, but it's
never a good time to break up with somebody, I would say. And I said, you know,
I'm not happy. I'm not happy here. I'm not happy my job. I'm not happy with you.
We are growing into two different people. We don't even like doing the same things
anymore. The only thing holding us together is this dog. I have to go. And within
the week, I had a safe space to people in that city I was living in. They took
me in while I was kind of packing up all my stuff. I packed up all my stuff. It
was a lot of hard goodbyes. He begged me to stay. I stood strong. I called my
mom, you know, to make sure that she had my back and she had my full support the
entire time. And I made an exit plan.
and I had a team of people behind me. And that was hugely helpful. That was the
most important thing out of all of this. 'Cause I didn't have my team of my mom
and my sister and my friends. I don't think I could have done it. That was that.
- So then you arrive on another coast. You were on the east coast, now you're on
the west coast and from one big city to another big city, living with your sister,
got a new job. And then you're still pretty much starting over, right? You've got a
suitcase full of clothes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're everything from buying a desk
to work from to, you know, figuring out your transportation because at the time you
had sold your car to having to give up your dog because the time you couldn't
transport your dog across. And that was the agreement you had with your ex
-boyfriend. So now you're in a new job in a temporary second bedroom of your
sister's apartment and you're starting over new friends knew everything. So just talk
through like once you got the job once you knew you had a place to live for a
few months. What was the next important thing for you? Well, first I want to
clarify that I had the place to live. The reason I got the job was the week
before I had broken up with my boyfriend and my job at the same time. I had rage
applied to a bunch of companies. So what rage applied means, I don't know if you
know this, is I literally on working hours, which is not really like a great
suggestion, but my boss had made me so angry at this point that on the work day,
I had started applying to every job I could find. And I got an interview and I
got hired at this amazing company that I never thought I could be working for. And
And then I broke up and my boyfriend was moving across the country and I said, you
know, I'm gonna be moving in this new place And I said that's fine. You're a
hundred percent remote. So but first I found the place and the job just happened to
fall in line But if I didn't have this job, I know I would have come here and
would have had to go find one immediately That was never there was never a handout
of like here's money to live on I just want to make that very clear and I was
very grateful to be able to find a job that I still love love. So I land, I'm
here, and I'm confused. I'm calling you my mom every day,
which we talk about once a week, maybe twice, but it is every day, if not twice a
day, if not three times a day of like, well, this is how I'm feeling now. And
this is what's going on. And I don't think I can tell anyone. And what do I tell
people? And what do people see my Instagram story? And then what happens? And it's
a lot of coming to face of like, what did I just do? A lot of my friends were
on the East Coast, so I had given up a lot of access to my friends. And actually
something I started doing, which you told me for years, which was to journal. And
sometimes when I journal, sometimes I just get distracted typing or my hand hurts
writing. So what I actually started doing, which I still do, which has been
extremely helpful. And I just anybody who's like, I don't want to type or write, is
I took out my phone and I started recording myself as if it was a podcast and
just talking. And there's, even if it's the same word over and over again,
if it's me crying, if it's me laughing, it's me telling a joke. And there's record
for five minutes for an hour. And that was hugely helpful because I felt like I
could say whatever I wanted out loud. and I could talk it through with myself. I
felt like I wasn't bothering anyone, which I knew I never would. And my friends
were extremely supportive and they all knew what was happening. And you were
supportive and my sister and my other family members, and they were all checking in
on me. But there's still, you know, and I think everybody deals with this, the self
-doubt of like, I'm bothering them, or especially when I'm taking resources, I'm using
their time. So taking out that recording and even holding the phone in my ear as
if I'm talking to somebody and just letting out whatever the mischievous is, as we
say in English of just like, "Ugh." And then just finishing it and going, "Okay,
that felt really good." And then you can delete it. You can listen to it. You can
leave it on your phone, whatever. And that was hugely helpful. I also went back to
my roots when I first moved here and my sister let me borrow her car for the
first couple weeks because she had gone on a trip. and I started walking dogs in
between the time that I was waiting for my job to start and getting here. And
having almost animal therapy, it first off helped me with the issue of not having
my dog anymore, who I was extremely close with and raised from a puppy and seeing
a dog every day and walking it and knowing it has a home. So that was great and
even just our money, but it really wasn't about the money. And I still do that
today. And I actually bought a car recently. I didn't have a car for the first
year of living here, but I bought a car recently so I could get back to that. And
again, it's not about the money. It is about truly going and seeing an animal. And
sometimes they're not the best dog, but sometimes they are. And sometimes they're
just okay. And it's also again, their size, the getting outside, the getting to know
my new city. That was all amazing. And I've given that to a lot of people who
feel stuck is to start walking dogs. Because the therapy that's in that of like
having that alone time and forcing yourself to get up and walk is so beneficial. So
from there, I'm living with my sister and her girlfriend, now fiance. I'm starting
my new job. And yeah, they have a bed for me. And that's it. So I need a desk,
I need a dresser, I need to put away my clothes. I have no money. I have none.
And again, I have no handouts and I don't want any. So I bought a $30 desk from
Target. I bought an old desk chair and a dresser off Facebook Marketplace and I
started my new job. And it was East Coast hours. So I still work six a .m.
to two 30 every day. And Then afterwards I had nothing to do so I kept walking
even if I didn't have a dog to walk I would walk miles and I would listen to
music or podcasts or nothing I'd walk in the rain. I'd walk in the sunshine. I'm
walking the cold. I walk in the heat, but I just kept walking And that was hugely
beneficial and after about three months of living with my sister. I decided I need
to go live Closer to the city center. And I want to go live with roommates,
because I want to meet people. The only people I know here are my sister and
girlfriend, and they have their own social life. They usually just meet their friends
and whatnot, but I'm a social butterfly.
And I need to go just meet people to meet people to meet people.
You know, as an adult, it's really hard to make friends, especially if your job is
remote, which is something I found. Well, that's why this is such an interesting
interview because I think there are so many young people and older people too who
post -pandemic either don't work in an office anymore or are in transition or have
had a life change whether it's a divorce or loss of a spouse or job change or
they work remotely and they're like my whole social structure has changed because of
this circumstance, one or more circumstances. And you're a great illustration of that.
Moving to a new city, breaking up with your boyfriend, working remotely is like the
trifecta of my social life is starting from scratch. - And I have no friends here.
And that's the other thing. That was the big, big risk of moving to this new
location is all of my friends were a train ride or a bus ride or a car ride away
from on the East Coast. Now, we're all a plane right away. And that was really,
that was a risk I knew coming here. And I thought, oh, and I think as an adult,
we're so used to making friends in a school environment, in a work environment, and
then you have your work friends, and maybe they turn into personal friends or just
acquaintances or whatever. And then at the end of the day, you know, when I worked
in an office job, I'd come home and I didn't want to talk to anybody. I didn't
want new friends. I didn't want to go do things. Now, with a remote job, especially
being done at 2 .30, I was lonely. That was a big part of it. The other thing I
started doing, and I was ready after about a month, was start dating. And again,
it wasn't dating, and I remember talking about this with you, it wasn't dating to
find the next one to get married and blah, blah, blah. And I said in my dating
profile, I'm new to the city, I'm looking for friends and I even tried there's an,
you know, on an app called Bumble and there's like Bumble friends and You know,
as my stepdad said, you know, it's a numbers game. So I would
eyes and a lot of them didn't want to be my friend But at least it got me out
of the house and it got me talking to people and it also helped me, you start
looking at relationships in a different way, 'cause it's the first time I went on a
date in five years with a new person, which was also very scary, but something I
was ready to do, which, you know, there's a lot of people after five years that
aren't ready to date for a long time. I was, and that was something that I
figured, okay, that's the easiest way to meet people is to start dating, especially
in a new city. So I started dating and I had a bunch of funny stories from that,
So at least it helped me, you know, got me out of the house, kind of do things,
had a funny spray, told my mom, told my friends, told my sister, and then I was
also looking for new roommates. So I happened to find two lovely roommates. And
after about three months with living my sister, I said, you know, I think it's
ready. I'm ready to move on and really adjust to the city and see how much I like
it. That's not with the crutch of you. And she was really supportive of that and
she helped me move. And I bought a mattress and a bed frame on Black Friday, and
that was it. So I had my desk and my chair from a Facebook marketplace. I had my
dresser as well, and then a bed and a bed frame. I lived the simple life because
I had nothing when I left. I couldn't take any of the furniture that we built
together. I couldn't take anything. And again, I had no money. I'm 26,
25, nothing. So, at the same time I had moved, I met my now boyfriend,
who we will be celebrating one year as of November together, and he was also new
to this city. And we had both met each other and both told each other on the
first date, we're just trying to meet people. And then we fell in love. So, you
know, it just so happened to be that way, but we also started hanging out with
each other 'cause we liked spending time with each other's company. And I think
that's why we worked so well together. And we also agreed that, you know, we had
both had come out of a relationship and we were looking to grow and be adults in
a new city and try new things and make new friends. And so that also helped a
lot. So here I am, you know, this was August I left and in November I had a new
job, a new city, and a new boyfriend.
And, you know, who was to say that this would happen so quickly? Then there was
still the missing component, which was the desire to make friends. Because you've
talked many times with me about it was great to be out of a relationship that you
had both outgrown. You were sad about having to leave your dog back on the East
Coast. You sort of filled that need as much as you could with dog walking and dog
sitting and house sitting and things like that. You found a new place to live that
you like. You found a new boyfriend that you've now almost celebrated a year with.
You have a job you like. But then there's making friends in a new city, like you
said, we're working remotely. So what were the steps that you took to trying to
meet people outside of your roommates and of course your sister and your now
boyfriend? - Which is a lovely community. And for a lot of people, plenty for what
they all have their own lives, too. So they absolutely have their own lives. My
boyfriend has a best friend here. My roommates have their friends and my sister has
their friends. I didn't have my, oh, this is my best friend. And that was very
hard. And I remember the new year of 2023, my New Year's resolution was to make at
least one friend. And I remember telling my therapist this, and my therapist said,
"What's stopping you. And I said, "Oh, you know, I work remotely, you know, my
roommates have their own friends, my sister has her friends." He goes, "I know
there's ways and possibilities, and especially after COVID, that people are getting
together in groups. We just have to find it." I said, "Okay." The first thing I
did was Google adult sports leagues. And I want to go back - Wait,
which is hilarious because of the three girls of my three daughters. You're the only
one who didn't like athletics growing up. Hilarious. Okay. So you Google adult
sports. And as I mentioned before, I started exercising when I was really stressed
out. I had never exercised before. I had joined a gym and I remember telling you
in the beginning, I joined a gym in January as well and I started there. First, I
want to start there. So I joined a gym and you had said, Oh, that's great. I made
so many friends at the gym in the 80s.
And I go, yeah, nobody talks to each other. And I remember you being like, what
are you talking about? Everybody talks to each other at the gym. I was like, no,
because everybody wears headphones now. And it was one of those realizations of like,
oh, everybody is in their own little zone. And like, if you talk to somebody,
they're gonna be like, why are you talking to me? I'm busy, you know, that's their
time to be alone. So play on their phones or listen to music or whatever.
I think when the 80s, we had Walkmans. So like bad headphones, people, any excuse
to, you know, rip them off your head and like actually talk to a human being. And
gyms were a great place to meet people in the 80s. So yes. Yeah. Now it's because
we're, you know, and that's a lot of people's complaints too, is, you know, we're
so dialed into our phones. And we also feel like we have to make a bunch of
friends and go out all the time because we have this, you know, and I can go
about that for later, but we don't need to talk about that right now. But just
like this social life online versus in person. So no, so people at the gym, I
still don't, I've been at this gym now for 10 months and people still don't talk
to each other. So making friends at this specific gym that I go to is not an
option, unfortunately. So I started at the gym and then I Googled adult sports
leagues, which is hilarious because I am the least athletic person in my family. I
still am. But I said, you know what? This is a place where people can't be on
their phones. We have to be on a team. We have to talk to each other. And it's
pretty cheap. I signed up for a softball for the spring. It didn't start till
April, but I was I did, and it was a step, and I joined a softball league.
And it was great. And I didn't make any close friends, but it got me out of the
house every Sunday. I saw the same people. I got to know them. I got to, you
know, they knew my name. You know, it was a familiarity, and it was a community.
And it was a step to a community. From there, I joined a crafting group in the
park. Again, no real takers at that point. And then I also joined a pickleball
league, which I have successfully gone into a second season with. I really like the
people there. Thank you. We're on the next step to a serious relationship,
me and my pickleball league, and it's great. And actually from the crafting group,
there was a group chat and I hadn't gone in a while. And a girl had reached out
to the group and said, you know, I'm Jewish and looking for friends. And there is
a Russian Shana service. This was only about a month ago. And she said, would
anyone like to come? And I was like, me, I'm a Jew. And I made a new friend.
And we had a lunch together. And now we're going to a party together this weekend.
And it took a while. I'm not gonna lie. So this is now October, and I moved here
in August of last year. So it took a little over a year, but I finally do have a
friend that I am doing stuff with outside of my boyfriend and my sister. And of
course, you know, I'm close with my roommates and that's wonderful too. But it's
taken a while, but I have started to build that community. But it took a lot of
steps. It took a lot of me literally going outside of my comfort zone. I'm joining
a sports league to find people. And by the way, the first one didn't really work
out that great. And so it's about, again, taking risks. Yeah.
Well, I want to commend you because what you've done is very brave. And while it
felt like you were ripping your world apart, really what you were doing was
remodeling it. And it's kind of a reframe, right? So we sometimes have to like take
down to build a backup. And I think that's what you did. You were like, this
house, meaning yourself, needed a remodel, a rework. And you were willing to take it
apart to rebuild it. And you did a really, really nice job. And I know you're
still on the path, right? I mean, you're still, it's-- - Well, the whole, you know,
That's life. Life is a path we have to constantly build. And I knew, you know,
in a year or five years, it's never going to be complete. Yeah. And that's, I
think, something that's also important in this journey is knowing that, like, this is
a continuous self work. And that's something that I talk about with my boyfriend a
lot is, you know, we've watched each other grow in the last year, because this is
a new city to us, and we're trying to make friends and we're trying to excel in
our jobs. And we're also trying to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes
that we made in our past relationships. And that takes a lot of growth and that
takes a lot of commitment. And it also takes a lot of self -reflection, which I
think a lot of people miss sometimes. And checking in with each other and ourselves
to make sure are we happy? What can we change if we're not? What can we do for
each other to lean on each other for support. And those things are so important in
any stage in life.
So I think you are a good role model for what is possible when people think that
they're at the end of a road. And obviously, that's what I do for a living,
right? People are at the end of their rope with a job, or with a relationship,
or sometimes both, or an environment, or they're tired of being unhealthy,
or they're tired of carrying weight, or they're tired of drinking too much, or
spending too much, or whatever they've had enough of. And they fear that if they
give up the crutches, right, whatever is self soothing, and it's different for
everyone. It's certainly, there's not like a recipe that everybody overeats or
overdrinks or overspends or overgambles or over whatever's. But there's so much fear
in letting go of the very thing that's keeping you down because there's comfort in
the devil, you know. And that's a metaphor, obviously, not just for an individual,
but a circumstance. And you are willing to let go of all the devils, you know, or
new to explore the possibility of maybe there's something better for me or maybe I
can reinvent myself or if I make mistakes, that's okay, but I won't stay stuck.
And I think that's the reason why you're here today, but I think that message is
so important at 25, 35, 45, 55, 65, 75. You're not stuck.
Stuck is a frame of mind. And you don't have to blow up your whole life to get
unstuck, you can change one thing. I mean, I just love what you talked about,
recognizing that you had all this cortisol in your body and it was making you heavy
and making you tired and making you feel unhealthy. And you simply just started
walking. Like just, like if you had done nothing else except that, that would have
been amazing. But it was beyond the walking. Once you started feeling better, you're
like, now I need to admit that the job and the relationship isn't working. And the
big sacrifice, again, was leaving the dog that you loved. And then once that was
the only real thing left, other than the unknown of where will I live and how will
I figure it out, you just kept doing it kinda one foot in front of the other.
- Yeah, it was a huge risk, obviously. And I think everybody in my life knew that,
but knew that that was kind of the only option. And I think a lot of the times
too, it's leaving the do -know, and it's also not being afraid to fail, 'cause this
could have been a major failure. I mean, I could have been sitting here and quit
my job again, and not have found it a new boyfriend, hated the city I've been
living in, and I would have had to try again, you know? And that's okay too.
- Yeah, yeah. People say you learn more from your failure than your success.
- Oh, 100 % because where I was at 25, I felt like a failure. I felt like I
failed in everything I was doing was failing. And I thought,
then what am I gonna do? 'Cause the definition of crazy is doing the same thing
over and over again and expecting a new result. And I felt crazy because I tried
to find a new result and it wasn't working. And so it's having to start over
again. And expect that I may fail, but at least it's not the same thing I've been
doing every day.
Kind of amazing. And here you are. So just to recap, because there's a lot to
unpack in that store. There's a lot. There's a lot. In hindsight, what would you
say are the tent pole steps for someone making a change in their life?
And even if it isn't an entirely new life, even if it's just a big thing in their
life, what would you say are the baby steps to take for change,
given the fact that you've done all the big ones in the last year? Yeah. That's a
great question and I think it's a question that a lot of people get stuck with.
And I'd say the first thing is to take and what you tell me all the time and it
helps that I have a mother that's a life coach but is to take a step back and
say what is not working and write it down or speak it into your phone and take a
moment to yourself talking to anybody just to yourself and Hey, what is not worth?
Is it the job? Is it the environment? Is it the partner? Is it me? Is it the
food? Is whatever? Want to recognize it? Figure out where can I get my support?
Am I in therapy? Do I have a parent? Do I have a friend I trust? Do I trust my
partner? If the partner's not the problem, do I trust them to help me? Who can
help me? Because it's finding support, it's finding somebody who we're humans, we're
social preachers. And we sometimes need other people to hold us accountable.
There's personal accountability. And that's really hard to hold. So sometimes it takes
someone else checking in every day and going, Hey, did we do that thing we talked
about? How far are we along?
So it's taking a step back, recognizing what's not working, finding support,
and then taking it one step at a time. What's the first step to change it? Is it
quitting your job? Or is it even having a meeting with your boss or speaking up
for yourself at work? Maybe it's signing and quitting your job. Maybe it's advocating
for yourself. Maybe it's rearranging your apartment and throwing trash out.
You know, and looking at your environment and going, I don't like what I'm doing.
This isn't working. Let me Marie Kondo and just start over. Maybe it's you're in a
relationship and you need to have a big conversation with them. And that's so scary.
And even if it's not breaking up, but it's I don't like this thing that you are
comfortable looking. So we need to figure out a way that it can help me and you
that this is affecting me. And it's also, maybe it's within yourself. Is it your
spending or your eating or your drinking like you had mentioned? Where can you go
to hold yourself accountable to not continue those patterns that are affecting your
life negatively?
And so I would say those are the biggest ones. - Yeah, I think that's good. - And
you know, I think a lot of the time, you know, I hear a lot of people making
excuses and I don't understand excuses are very helpful to make a question not
change your life. And I think a lot of the excuses are, oh, you know, I can't
afford it or I can't do it or blah, blah, blah, blah. Taking a mental step back
or taking time by yourself and making a pro and con list or finding somebody that
supports you, even if it's by the way, like a Reddit page. And there's a ton of
people that go on and honestly and write their heart out and then just have people
comment. And even if you delete the post or whatever, there are ways to help
yourself that require no money. And that require very little energy.
And I think a lot of people just are scared of the risk. And it's okay to take a
risk and fail and that's kind of the last step. That's what I would say. It's
awesome. Well, Morgan, obviously I love talking to you and do all the time, but I
love sharing you with my audience and it's a great story to hear a year later
someone who started over and has a much richer and,
you know, listen, lots of challenges ahead, lots a journey ahead and there's no
there there, right? We always talk about that. But you are on a new path and a
path that makes you happy and I'm proud of you. And I just love that you shared
your story with my audience today. And thank you for your wisdom and your wisdom
through experience and trust of yourself to be able to share that with others.
And hopefully, even if there's just one little thing in your story that inspires
somebody else, that's huge. So thank you. - Well, thanks for being my mom and being
so supportive and awesome through this whole thing and listening to me cry and laugh
with me and take those risks to me and holding me accountable. And yeah, I
definitely couldn't have done this without you. Are you kidding? And not everybody
gets a mom like you. So that is huge in its own right. So, you know,
If people can hire you to be their life coat, I mean, they can't hire you to be
your mom, but at least you get a little piece of you. And I'm very lucky to have
that. So I'm extremely grateful. Thank you. And after this podcast, your other
daughter wants to say hi. Okay, I'm going to stop recording, but I'm going to say
bye for now. And I love you. And thank you for being here. I love you, mom. And
we'll talk soon. Okay, bye. Thank you for listening to this episode of the
Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying these episodes, please subscribe or
follow this podcast so you can always be in the know when the next episode drops.
If you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach, you can connect
with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R --N -I -S .com.