Ep #9: The Power of Gratitude

You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 9. This week, I'm going
to talk about another one of my favorite daily habits to manage my overthinking
brain. This is the one about gratitude. Let's get started. Hey there!
You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy. This is a podcast for
overthinkers, overachievers, actionist, type A, stressed out,
anxious people who just want to calm down and feel better. I'm your host,
certified life coach Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there and welcome back. As you all know, this podcast is all about managing
your overthinking brain. And my whole philosophy is about managing your brain through
good daily habits. I believe the good habits are the foundational work to creating a
more successful, happier, healthier life. The truth is that bad habits are just
easier. They're like low -hanging fruit. It's easier to watch TV than exercise.
It's easier to eat french fries than cut -ups and vegetables. It's easier to drink
soda than water. It's easier to leave dirty dishes in the sink rather than wash
them. I know, I get it. But I'm not talking just about good physical habits.
I'm talking about daily habits for mental hygiene too. How you manage your mind is
as important as how you manage your physical space and body. You've heard me say
this before. The brain is a tricky beast. It is our default setting to take the
path of least resistance. Whatever is familiar is where our mind goes.
Even if that familiarity is discomfort. It's why we often think about the worst case
scenarios. And one of the worst habits we can develop is letting our negative
thoughts run the show. So when one thing isn't going well,
our brains want to trick us into believing that nothing is going well. It colors
everything we see. This is where the old expressions come in. The squeaky wheel gets
the grease. One bad apple spoils the whole barrel. Or as they say in the military,
one oh shit wipes out 10 atta boys. It's the primitive part of our brain,
also known as the amygdala, that keeps us safe from danger. But it can sometimes
act like a bodyguard gone rogue, assuming that everything is trying to hurt us or
destroy us. This reptilian part of our brain sometimes doesn't accurately discern the
difference between almost driving off a cliff and the feeling of just being ghosted
by a new friend or lover. They both feel catastrophic. So our go -to response is
fight or flight. This is why we assume everything is going wrong because one little
thing has gone wrong or maybe one big thing has gone wrong. But this is where our
overthinker's brain can easily spin out of role. Now, I have studied this for years,
and I coach on it daily. And I still have to constantly monitor my own reptilian
brain. So how do we manage our brains from going from that default setting of
nothing is going well, because I made a mistake at work, or I had to fight with
my partner or my best friend, or I lost a client today, or I was working on a
huge project and it didn't move forward, or I have to redo it all again. Whatever
the circumstance is, it's one bad thing that then we've allowed to take over our
whole sense of well -being. Well, of course the first thing you want to do is
identify what is really wrong? I mean that's the most important. Rather than having
one bad thing go wrong and that my life is terrible or everything happens to me or
I'm such a victim or etc etc, you want to sit down and really think what went
wrong? What is really bothering me today or yesterday or this week? And then to the
degree that you can fix it, if a mistake was made, own it, fix it. If an apology
is owed, own it, fix it. And if you broke something,
fix it. If you can. But before you fall down the rabbit hole of everything is
wrong, nothing is working, I want to recommend this, developing a daily gratitude
practice. Now, I remember first hearing about gratitude as a way to manage your
mental or emotional well -being and thinking, "That just sounded so saccharine to me.
Like it's so overly simplistic. It's almost ridiculous." By the way,
that's the exact same thoughts I had about meditation before I started meditating
every day. So, if you listened to my earlier episode, you know that is now one of
my four daily habits as well. But gratitude is the antidote to negative thinking.
And it's especially important for my overthinkers. So how do we create a gratitude
practice? Well, like most daily practices, there is no right or wrong way.
And there certainly isn't one way. So here's a number of ways to create a gratitude
practice. You can keep a gratitude journal. And in one of my earlier episodes,
I talked about the power of journaling. Now, when we journal, I often recommend
journaling to get out the negative thoughts. Like if something's on your mind, rather
than venting to, you know, everybody you see, or burdening your best friend,
your partner, your mother, your sister, your brother, with all the crap that happened
during your day, I always say get a journal, write that stuff down. Get it out of
your head, acknowledge the feelings, and just get it out of your body. But I have
had people say to me, "Ooh, I don't want to dwell on the negative." Or, "I don't
want to look back at a journal full of my complaints and my venting and my ranting
because it makes me seem like such a negative person." That's not the intention of
a journal. The intention of the journal is just for a safe place for you to get
those thoughts out so they stop swirling in your head. But if you're concerned that
you're just filling up books and notebooks and what have you of negative thoughts,
one of the ways to combat that is writing down all those thoughts in their most
authentic form and then taking a minute or a page, or a paragraph, however you like
to write, and putting a page of gratitude or a handful of things that you're
grateful for so that while you're still being authentic about what is bothering you
and what's on your mind and what needs to get out of your head, you can still
take time to write down and create and cultivate a list of things you're grateful
for. So That's one way. Another way to develop a gratitude practice is of course,
meditate. Now, if you're already meditating and I hope you are, you can incorporate
gratitude into your daily practice. You can start your meditation practice with saying
something you're grateful for out loud or in your mind. When I used to teach yoga,
I would always start every class with getting grounded, having everyone close their
eyes and think about something they were grateful for. It changes the energy of the
practice. It can change the energy of your meditation. It can change the energy of
your whole day. You literally only need to think of one thing. Now, if you're
grateful for two things or three things, that's even better. There's no limit. But
starting or ending your meditation practice or even devoting your entire practice,
whether you have a five -minute practice or a 20 -minute practice, to something you
are grateful for. That's a wonderful way to practice daily gratitude. Another way to
practice gratitude is mentally thanking someone for something they did.
Now, it's even better to verbally thank somebody, but if you don't have that
opportunity, if you've lost track of them, or they live far away, or you don't have
any way to contact them, you can still mentally thank someone, mentally be grateful
to someone for something that they did for you. There's power in that.
Writing a thank you note is another way, whether it's an email, a text, or a
handwritten note, everything counts. There was a study done in 2017 where they took
300 college students seeking mental health counseling for depression and anxiety and
part of the study was to have Participants the students write gratitude letters to
someone who had done something for them or given them something 23 % of those
letters were never sent and What the results of the study show was that just the
act of writing a letter of gratitude to someone, whether or not it was sent, was
just as powerful and created a positive change in their mood than those who sent it
as well. So that's another way. If you have a religious practice,
prayer is another way to practice gratitude, but gratitude is completely agnostic. So
with or without religion, You can still have a daily practice My clients often ask
me what is my gratitude practice and the truth is I do a little bit of all of
that But my favorite one is to wake up with gratitude. It's also known as count
your blessings Whether you wake up with gratitude or you go to sleep with gratitude
or whether you do it at both times of the day It's a very powerful practice. So
in the mornings, before I get out of bed, whether it's before my alarm went off or
after my alarm goes off, I do not get out of bed until I can think of 10 things
that I am grateful for. Now it changes and it's important to change them. So,
you know, it's really easy to rattle off, I'm grateful for my husband, I'm grateful
for my children, I'm grateful for my dog, but you don't want it to become so rote
that you no longer feel it in your body. That's why you need to change it up.
Now, listen, if you can cultivate the gratitude that feeling in your body when you
say those things or think those things, that's fine. You can do the same 10 over
and over and over and over again, but I like to mix them up so that I really
feel it in my body. So the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is I
pay attention to the temperature of the room. I love the morning because I find the
air sort of the most delicious time of day. It's generally cool and it's very quiet
outside and usually for most people right before your alarm goes off or right after
you've turned your alarm off, it's the coziest time to be in bed, right? So that
air is cool and the blanket is just the perfect temperature and it just feels good.
And so I will express gratitude for that because that feeling of being calm or
being cozy or being relaxed or having had a good night's sleep or even some sleep
for me is something to be grateful for. But I really look for the small things so
it might be the softness of my sheets. It might be the warmth of my blanket. It
might be the sunlight that's peeking through my blinds, or if it's raining, I'm
grateful for that because I always love when it rains in the morning. It might be
a bird chirping, or it might be for the fact that I wasn't awoken by my dog
barking, and so I'm grateful for that. It might be that I'm grateful for the fact
that I have indoor plumbing and I can go brush my teeth with running water or
flush a toilet or take a shower. The luxury of brushing my teeth.
Sometimes I'll lay in bed and I'll think I'm grateful that I'm safe or I'm grateful
that I have someone or something that needs me, whether it is my dog who needs to
be fed or it's my husband or it is my clients who are waiting for me,
just having purpose in your day can be very powerful. So currently,
I have a shoulder problem. And although there's no clear diagnosis, it appears to be
frozen shoulder, which is sort of this condition that sometimes happens due to a
major injury or a small injury. In my case, it was kind of a minor tweak. But for
anyone who's ever had this condition, it starts out like a small injury or a tweak.
And unlike most conditions, it's very unpredictable and it tends to get a lot worse
before it gets a lot better. Now as a tennis player, this is a nightmare because
there's no good cures for it. There's a super risky surgery that works for some
people. Some people respond really well to physical therapy, acupuncture, massage,
cortisone injections. Unfortunately for me, nothing has worked yet. And it can last
anywhere from six months to two years. And the good news is that research indicates
it heals on its own whether or not you have therapy, surgery, cortisone, what have
you. But it is excruciatingly painful in the wrong position. So sometimes it's like
turning the wrong way, sometimes it's reaching for like a cup on a shelf, it can
be opening a door incorrectly, and it can create this like massive shooting pain
through your shoulder. And it lasts for about 10 minutes until it stops throbbing.
The worst of it is it makes it very difficult to sleep. So I had this condition
before on my other shoulder about 10 years ago. And when you're a very active
person like me, and you have, in my case, my whole social life kind of revolves
around tennis, I play on tennis teams, and I belong to a tennis club, and most of
my friends play tennis. And so that's like a big part of my afternoons or weekends.
And that comes to a grinding halt when you have a shoulder issue. So it's a huge
bummer. And on top of it, whether you're in physical pain or psychic pain,
that can make it very difficult to quote, "stave positive." This is where gratitude
comes in. So I could go down a rabbit hole and be poor me. I can't play tennis.
I can't see my friends. I'm in pain. I can't go to good night's sleep. None of
the therapies are working. This could be a two -year problem. I've had this before.
Why did it happen again? That's where my brain would like to go. And in my darker
moments, that's where it does go. But this is where gratitude comes in. I practice
gratitude every day about this condition by saying this, I am so grateful that it's
in my left shoulder instead of my right because I'm right handed. When I had this
in my right shoulder, it made writing, working, cleaning, literally everything so
difficult because I was so right -hand dominant. And so I was constantly recreating
the nerve pain and I would be constantly having to stop doing whatever I was doing.
Like even going to the grocery store was just an excruciating task. So the fact
that it's in my left is less cumbersome, less debilitating. It's still annoying and
I still do a lot of things with my left hand, but it's way way way better than
the right So I'm grateful I'm grateful that I can still ride my Peloton bike every
day and get the exercise I need to stay in shape and release the stress from my
day because exercise is really really important to me and When you lose the mobility
in one limb or one joint or another it can often stop you in your tracks.
So I'm grateful. I still have an exercise that I like and that I can do. I'm
grateful to have access to medical doctors and alternative healers who are doing
their best to help accelerate my healing. Even if it doesn't work and it just has
to heal on its own, I'm really grateful to be able to have a place to go and
talk about this with people and try different things. I'm grateful to all my tennis
friends who have called and suggested getting together for a walk or a lunch or a
dinner or a happy hour in the jacuzzi. All things I can do, all things I love to
do. And it makes me feel good and it makes me feel connected even though I can't
be part of their teams and part of their competitions. It's really awesome. I'm
grateful to my husband who, albeit reluctantly, will massage my shoulders at night
when we're watching our favorite shows on television. And he's really good about it.
It's just he's reluctant because I always seem to have a sports injury. And in his
mind, if it were up to me, I would be asking him 24 /7 to massage some body part,
but he is particularly sympathetic because this condition is real and it's here to
stay for a little bit. I'm grateful for my meditation practice that includes guided
meditations on healing that I listen to every day to utilize my own brain to
expedite my healing process. I'm even grateful for the pain and I know that sounds
crazy, but I'm grateful for the pain because it reminds me how lucky I am to not
live in chronic pain and I know a lot of people do and it also helped me remain
compassionate for my friends and my family and my clients who are often suffering
from one medical condition or another because that's the human condition. People get
hurt, accidents happen, people have illnesses, people have syndromes, and it's not
always your fault. It can just happen. And so by having pain,
it is a great reminder that I'm human and that I need to remember that everybody
suffers differently in different ways, and this keeps me humble and it keeps me
compassionate for others. Now, gratitude practices take time, but they have a
cumulative and long -lasting effect. Scientists have discovered that gratitude has a
direct effect on the brain by releasing the two neurotransmitters for happiness which
of course are dopamine and serotonin. So what are the benefits to gratitude? There
are no side effects. It doesn't cost anything. It doesn't require training.
It's available to you 24 /7. It's portable. You can customize it to your own liking.
It can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. It can make you feel better. It
can be effective in healing. It can promote better sleep. And it can make you feel
happier. So you have nothing to lose except anger, frustration,
fear, and doubt. I encourage you to give it a try. And I encourage you to make it
a practice. You know what I'm most grateful for today? All of you who listened to
this episode. And I'm especially grateful if you try practicing gratitude yourself.
So I hope to see you all next week. I wish you a good one. Practice all your
good daily habits and don't let your reptilian brain take over all the good things
that are happening in your life. You have a good life and you can make it even
better. If you want to learn more tips about managing your stress and how to manage
your overthinking brain, just go to my website and sign up for my weekly newsletter
at jackiedecrinis.com. That's J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S .com.
You can also follow me on Instagram at Jackie de Crinis. Bye for now.