You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 40. This is the one
when I talk about when things don't always go as planned. Let's dive in. This is a
podcast for overthinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of feeling over
anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach, Jackie
de Crinis. Hey there and welcome back. So, my voice,
I think, is a little crackly today. I have been some version of crying and yelling
and celebrating and doing all kinds of things. And this is sort of like part three
to what feels like a never -ending theme of reunions and graduations.
But I think this is truly part three, and this is the end of the series. But so
many of you have been asking like how was the reunion and how was the graduation
and how was the other reunion. And so I thought I would sum it all up in kind of
a relatively short episode this week and just tell you all the lessons that I
learned from all of the emotions and experiences that I've had over the last couple
of weeks. So I recorded last week an episode actually before the anticipation of my
youngest daughter's high school graduation. So for those of you who have already
heard that episode, you know that I was feeling just a whole host of crazy emotions
from excitement and nostalgia and nervousness, melancholy, pride, joy. It ran the
gamut and it kind of still is going. And so much of that emotion Had to do with
her being the last of my three daughters to graduate high school and leave, you
know Home which will happen at the end of the summer but there was also this extra
component of emotion because I was having a family reunion in honor of her
graduation meaning most of my relatives came in for this event and It had been ten
years since all of us had gathered since actually my oldest daughter's high school
graduation 10 years ago. And that's just because we're spread out kind of all over
the country. And so it isn't always convenient for all of us to get together. So
it was sort of an amazing anticipation and result in getting us together.
So again, as you know, if you've been following this podcast a few weeks ago, I
flew to Los Angeles for my own 40th High School reunion. And I was really nervous
because I was concerned about COVID spiking in the big cities and I was concerned
about bringing it back to Hawaii. And when I landed, I think 12 of my 200 high
school classmates had tested positive for COVID sometime in that week.
So that was pretty significant. And then I was concerned that I was going to get
it. And then I was worried that I would give it to my daughter or expose my
family or expose my extended family when they came, but thankfully none of that
happened. All good. I stayed healthy and I tested negative. But then ironically,
when my youngest daughter, the one who was about to graduate, went on her senior
camping trip with, I don't know, 75 or 80 classmates, 11 of her graduating class
tested positive in the middle of the trip. So they were all sent home halfway
through the three -day event. And so again, we were really worried, oh my goodness,
she's going to get COVID. She won't be able to go through her graduation ceremonies
and all the events. And we have all this family flying in. And again, thankfully
she dodged that bullet and she stayed healthy and she tested negative and that was
great. So then all my family started trickling in from all over the United States,
East Coast, West Coast, another island in Hawaii. And in an abundance of caution,
'cause there were so many of us, everyone took a COVID test upon landing and
thankfully everyone was negative. So I thought to myself, oh, finally, we made it,
we're all together, let the celebrations begin. But then on day two of the five day
visit, one of my daughter's got a scratchy throat and tested positive for COVID. So
that kind of turned everything upside down. We had to pivot. We had to move around
the sleeping arrangements, cancel one of the big family dinners. The daughter with
COVID didn't get to attend the parties or the graduation. Fortunately, she was able
to watch online because yay for technology and they live streamed it. But She was
sad and stressed and sort of isolated from the rest of us and of course not
feeling well. And that was kind of a bummer. And then there was this concern like
we can't let anybody else get sick, we can't let our graduate get sick, etc., etc.
And so thankfully everybody was able to attend all the other functions and parties
and graduation was beautiful and it was amazing.
And there were tears and it was joyful and yet we had to be careful, you know,
masks and socially distanced and separated. And the thing is, in Hawaii,
high school graduations are a really big deal, a way more so than the mainland for
some reason. And there is a tradition for friends and family to bring the graduate
a lay, which can be made out of anything Traditional, of course, is flowers, but it
can be made out of candy. It can be made out of beads. It can even be like a
blow -up floaty that you would swim with in a pool if you're a little kid. The
only rule is it has to be circular. And the idea is that it completes the circle,
which is the lei. And the graduate is covered in all of these beautiful lays and
colors and materials. And it's just this gorgeous tradition and all the it's in the
state of Hawaii do this. So when you have one family member at home and others are
concerned about the uptick of a massively contagious virus, it does change the
carefree nature of the celebration. And as I've said on many of the other episodes,
I'm a recovering perfectionist. So I was like in total overdrive,
trying to manage all my relatives and the party planning and my graduate and my
sick daughter and a few Uber germaphobic family members. And I was trying to keep
myself well and keep everyone else in their own individual comfort zone while
celebrating this big milestone. So as I waffled between my normal gear of slightly
manic and then my new gear of utter exhaustion, I was just reminded like this is
life. You know, I can try and plan for everything. But the truth is,
and I have to be reminded of this constantly. So I imagine there's a few of you
that could use this reminder too. We just can't control it all. We do what we can.
Now, in my own effort to try and stay healthy and grounded and present, I kept
reminding myself of my own rules to live by. Stay hydrated, eat regularly,
try to have protein at every meal, rest when needed, meditate, exercise. And I did
an okay job on my list. I would say I got to about 85%. The one where I probably
failed the most was I really didn't rest enough. My sister sent me after the
graduation and after the big party, she sent me a text and she said, "Are you
resting this afternoon or are you going to rest this afternoon?" And I said, "Yes,
definitely." And hours went by and she texted me later and she said,
"Did you rest?" And I said, "Well, not exactly. I went to play tennis and then I
did a couple loads of laundry and then I cleaned the kitchen." And she said, "Well,
that sounds like you." But the truth is, it made me feel better. It made me feel
better to finally get some exercise and it made me feel better to organize my
house. And it made me feel better to put things in order. And so it was a choice
between that and rest and that one. But everybody's different, you know,
everybody else was taking naps and that's what they needed. And that's great. But in
the rare moments that I had that I was by myself, usually driving to pick up for
one of the parties, I found myself overcome by emotion. It was like this strange
wave of grief and relief and exhaustion and elation and gratitude.
And I realized it's life cycle events, you know, births and deaths and graduations
and weddings and all the things are bound to stir up a lot of emotion.
And I've said this before, the pandemic has created a bizarre extra layer of stress
and concern. COVID has disrupted our work lives, our personal lives, and most
definitely puts kind of an extra heavy blanket or wet blanket on these big lifecycle
events. But now all of it is over. You know, My daughter's senior trip,
the senior luau, the graduation itself, grad night, the family reunion.
Everyone is now back home, safe and sound. And I feel like I can exhale a little
bit because summer has begun. My teenage daughter will be in her room for the next
week sleeping and watching Netflix until her summer job starts next week because
that's how she will choose to decompress. For me, I'm back to work starting with
this recording, this podcast and getting back to my regular schedule of clients. And
you know, for my husband, he was busy like working on fixing up things around the
house and he's back to work and my kids are back to work and everybody kind of
goes back to their lives and things are emotional and things are joyful and things
change, but the collective thing that we had this week was gratitude.
And it was really unfortunate that one of my children got sick and couldn't
participate in everything, but we had so much gratitude for being able to be
together and to be together for the first time in one place in a decade and that
we got to celebrate this milestone And that, you know, for the bulk of us,
everyone stayed healthy and everyone got home safely. And that's really one of those
moments where you say, I have to count my blessings. So was it perfect? It was not
perfect, but it was joyful. And for those of you who are going through big life
events, this spring or this summer, I just wanna offer you this. If it's joyful,
celebrate it and cherish it and try and be present as much as possible, even if
it's not perfect. And if it is difficult, if it is a challenging life event,
know that whatever you're going through is not permanent. It will pass and take the
help from your family or your friends, whether it's emotional support or physical
support, but allow people to help you, allow people to support you and hold space
for you while you're going through a difficult transition. And if it's somewhere in
the middle where it's a joyful thing or maybe it's a difficult thing or it's a
difficult thing but there's some joyful moments, find the silver linings and just
know that by expressing gratitude for those silver linings, it will help you navigate
through the more difficult parts what I learned was it was still joyful and it's
okay to feel all the feels and it's okay for it not to be quite as perfect as I
had hoped but it was really really special. Alright friends I hope you have a great
week and I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye for now. Thank you for
listening to this episode of the Overthinker's Guide to Joy. If you're enjoying these
episodes, please subscribe or follow this podcast so you can always be in the know
when the next episode drops. If you would like to learn more about working with me
as a coach, you can connect with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com. That's
J -A -C -K -I -E -D -E -C -R -I -N -I -S dot com.
