You are listening to the Overthinker's Guide to Joy, episode 125. This is the one where we're going to talk about the secret to work-life balance and to greater happiness. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host certified life coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there, and welcome back.
with yourself. And trust me, I didn't always know this. In fact, it took a nudge from a very wise assistant many years ago to get me started on my very first hobby. There's a reason pickleball and mahjong are two of the fastest growing hobbies in the U.S. And it's not just because they're fun. It's because people are craving connection, play, and purpose outside of their normal everyday productivity. So whether you've been spending time earning degrees, chasing goals, raising families or building careers, sometimes along the way, it's really easy for us to forget how to just play. And I get it. I didn't think I had time for a hobby either. And I had never played a sport until I had my first hobby.
Now, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while or have read my book, "The Overthinker's Guide to Joy," you might already know this story. But about 25 years ago, when I was burning the candle at both ends as a wife and a mom and a television executive, my then assistant, Michelle, looked me in the eye and said, "You need a hobby." And at the time I sort of laughed. I'm like, yeah, like I have time for hobbies. I mean, who has time for hobbies? But she meant it. She was like, you're not going home until we pick one. And she made me a list because she knew I was burning out. And I didn't have anything that was just for me.
I was always taking care of other people or other things. So her list included, take a Spanish class, learned to knit, take a pottery class, you know, all the usual suspects. And at the bottom of the list, there was one thing that caught my eye and it said, "Learn to play tennis." So she signed me up, she found me a tennis teacher, reasonably close by, who taught 30 minute lessons, which I didn't think I had an hour. So 30 minutes, Saturday morning, 8 a.m., sort of near my house. That was all I could afford, both in time and money. I took for about six months, I loved it. 30 minutes a week of having a professional tennis coach hit the ball to you, makes you feel very empowered, it makes you feel like you can play.
The truth is, I wasn't really getting much better and I really wasn't learning anything. I was basically just hitting the ball back to him and not learning anything about technique or scoring or the game or strategy or any of the such. But I liked it. And then a while later, I took a vacation to Maui.
This is years before I moved here. And I was married to my first husband and I had two little girls at the time. And I signed up for a tennis clinic at a local club near the hotel. And it was a doubles clinic. And obviously I'd never played doubles 'cause I'd never played even a match. And I'm not sure I even knew the difference between singles and doubles, but I figured it out pretty quickly that two people are on one side instead of one. And as I'm playing, this older woman who I was partnered with says to me, or starts screaming at me, you need to cover your alley. And I turned to her and I'm like, what's an alley? And she gave me this look, like if looks could kill. And she said, if you don't know that, how are you even taking a doubles clinic? And that's when I said to her, well, that's why I'm taking a doubles clinic, because I don't know anything. And she was like, her rump, you know, and like stormed off and, you know, asked to be paired with somebody else. And I was appropriately humiliated and I walked back to the hotel, sort of with my head hanging. And I was like, okay, clearly 30 minutes a week with a teaching pro is not teaching me anything about tennis. I really need to join a tennis club, meet other tennis players and start playing actual games. And I fell in love with it. And when I got to this new tennis club back in Los Angeles, I didn't know anybody there. And you know, most people had their partners or their games and everybody knew each other and I wasn't very good, so nobody wanted to play with me. So the only people who would play with me were like 80 year old men who had double knee replacements and they were very braggy about how they could beat me, even though they were two and a half times my age. And I appreciated that they would even hit the ball with me. And it was fun. And it made them feel good. And then there was one woman there named Tracy, who became my dear friend. And she and I started hitting an hour together every Saturday morning. And that's how I learned to play tennis, basically.
Now, 18 months later, my tennis didn't improve drastically. I was still like the worst player at the club but I loved it and I worked hard on it and I tried and I didn't get to play very much because again I had two little kids in this very very full-time job and I was growing and I was loving tennis and loving my new community but unfortunately my first marriage was unraveling not because of tennis just due to our own personal dynamics but it was because I also started to realize how disconnected I had been from myself and from joy. And when I found it again, I realized I wasn't having joy in that marriage. So my ex-husband and I separated, and it was a few months later when I asked one of the guys at the club to hit with me. I had seen him around, somebody had introduced us, but I didn't fully appreciate that I was asking the club champion to play with me. And I also didn't really appreciate my level on the hierarchy, which was probably the worst player at the club. So one morning, there was nobody around, and I was bold enough to just ask this best player at the club to hit with me. And he was sort of polite, but you could tell he thought it was a terrible idea. And after we hit for a bit, he looked at me and said, "Well, you're not as bad as you look," which I thought was wildly insulting, but I was kind of in a weird way sort of complimented that the best player thought I could hit. And it was sort of flirtatious but not really, I don't know. But somehow it was the beginning of something. And then we started playing mixed doubles. And then we started dating a few months later. And then a year later, we were married.
So our whole social life revolved around tennis. And then we moved to Maui a few years later. And that's kind of how we built our community on an island where we didn't know anybody because tennis was a great connector. It was a hobby that I almost ignored but it ended up sort of changing my whole life. Now tennis and I have had and I've talked about this before on the podcast, we've had a rocky road relationship because I came to it late in life so I didn't have a lot of good sports habits and I always sort of came out swinging as hard as I could. Now it's been 25 years, so eventually I did get a little bit better, but it hasn't been without its various injuries I've had shoulder problems, elbow problems, wrist problems back, and the latest has been for the last couple years knee problems But I still get out there and play a few times a week, and I still love it. And with all the tennis injuries, I realized I kind of need to diversify. In other words, I hope I'll be able to play for the rest of my life and that will be a long life. But in case I can't, I also need to learn some other sports or I need to have some other hobbies because I realized how important hobbies were to my work-life balance.
So a few years ago, I started playing pickleball. Now some of my tennis friends went to what the tennis purists called the dark side as well. That is because it's a lower barrier to entry in terms of the learning curve. But the truth is pickleball is so much fun and there's so many levels. And I'm at the very, very beginning, but it's pretty easy to pick up a paddle and learn it pretty quickly. And for me, it's a little bit easier on my body than tennis, not entirely, but somewhat. And so that was the beginning of my diversification of my hobbies and my sports. But the best part was how many friends I made through the pickleball community. And then last summer, a group of my pickleball friends and I started playing mahjong. We were self-taught, which was kind of a long road because we were learning on YouTube and through books, and we were determined to learn the traditional Chinese mahjong as opposed to the American wrong, which I'm not sure why we did that, but that's what we did. So that became another great alternative to a physically active sport like pickleball or tennis, because it allowed us all, because we're all sports junkies now, to once a week get together and sit and socialize and play without any injuries. So that's been great fun as well. But a few years ago, my husband started playing golf and he encouraged me to try.
So for this past year that I've been learning the game, I mostly just play with my husband or by myself. It was just too humiliating to go onto the course with anyone else. I have a handful of girlfriends from tennis who also play golf and they were kind enough to play around with me, but I felt so bad holding them up as I'm learning the game and my ball is zigzagging across the course and it's taking me 10 strokes when it takes them five to get to the hole. And like when I first started playing tennis, I tend to hit the ball as hard as I can and don't understand much about stroke production or the physics of the game. So it's all a little bit of a mystery to me as to why some shots are really good and others are like wildly in the woods. But I'm a competitor and I love a good challenge. So I am committed to learning my latest hobby. But golf is teaching me something else, humility, and patience.
Recently, I joined the ladies group at my club. They play every Thursday morning. And I played in a foursome with two women who were 90 years old. And they beat me by 30 strokes easily. And after the game, one of them said, "Come back next week, it will get better. And only remember your good strokes. Don't dwell on the bad ones 'cause you don't wanna repeat those. Think about the good ones and just think about doing exactly what you did again. That's what'll keep you coming back. And honestly, that might be the best life advice I've heard in a long time because golf like life requires presence and patience, and you do need to focus on the good shots. Because in golf, there's no opponent. It's just you and the golf course. No one is hitting the ball back. It's you, your mindset, and your next best shot. And isn't that what we're all trying to do in life? Focus on what's working, learn from what isn't, and keep showing up anyway.
And then the other day, I ran into one of the older male golfers, a retired ER doctor, who asked me how my game was going. I told him, "I actually think I'm getting worse. I don't know how to chip, and I'm struggling hitting the ball straight on the fairway." He told me, "You gotta love all your shots. Respect them all and approach them all with the same amount of love." I told him that sounded like marriage advice. And he smiled and said, "It's life advice." I think he's right. So even when I'm in a slump, which I actually am right now, I try to remember, I'm not broken, I'm just between breakthroughs. And there are a couple of tips that people always talk about in these sports, but they really apply to life too. Soften your grip, Remember to breathe, stay positive, swing freely, visualize success, and talk to yourself like someone you love.
Because the way we play, whether it's tennis, golf, pickleball, mahjong, or whatever your hobby is, it often mirrors the way we live. And you don't even have to play a sport to have a hobby. You don't even have to be an athlete to play a sport. I didn't grow up playing sports. As I have confessed in this podcast before I didn't even go to PE in high school. My friends and I would ditch PE and go smoke cigarettes in the parking lot and know I wasn't a juvenile delinquent. I was actually a really good student and a really good girl, but it was the early 80s and I didn't know better and I was stupid and I really hated running track. So I'm telling you, I came to sports in my late 30s and my most recent sports in my late 50s. But you don't have to do a sport to have a great hobby. If you're creative, there's a community in art classes, mahjong groups, book clubs, cooking classes, singing groups, dance groups, and so many other things. You just need a kernel of interest in something and then be willing to be bad at it at first I am living proof of this being the worst player at the tennis club 25 years ago and now the worst golfer of my club But I still show up.
So the question I'll leave you with is this: Do you have a hobby and if you don't have one yet? Maybe this is your invitation to try something new. Just remember approach something new with curiosity and passion and love it even if it doesn't love you back at first because it will love you if you continue to show up. All right friends have a great day and go sign up for something that you've always wanted to try. And I will talk to you next time. Bye for now.
If you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach, you can connect with me through my website at JackieDeCrinis.com.
