You are listening to the Overthinkers Guide to Joy, episode 104. This is the one
that I'm going to tell you all about my summer, my summer that I turned 60. Let's
dive in.
This is a podcast for over thinkers, overdoers and overachievers who are tired of
feeling over anxious and just want to feel better. I'm your host, certified life
coach, Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there, and welcome back.
So as summer comes to an end, I thought I would reflect back and give myself a
homework assignment. Do you remember this from school when they used to make you
write a one or two page paper of what did you do this summer? I thought I'm going
to do that homework assignment, and I'm going to call it the summer I turned 60.
Kind of an homage to the summer I turned pretty, but very much the opposite end of
the spectrum. So I loved summer growing up. I loved when my father would heat the
swimming pool and we would spend almost every day splashing around, racing from end
to end, playing Marco Polo, having friends over, playing board games and sleepovers
and 4th of July fireworks, beach days, watermelon, summer fruits,
s'mores, barbecues, tanning before we knew it was bad for you.
Summers were just totally awesome. And I think it's every kid's favorite season.
But as an adult, I still love summers because summers meant, at least for a portion
of the summer, it meant lighter workloads because people took family vacations, and
the days are longer, and when I became a parent, kids are happier in the summer.
They loved summer. They loved, my kids did, certainly. They loved summer camp. They
loved staying up later. They loved not having homework or tests or having to get up
early for school. But the joys of summer seem to diminish a bit due to a variety
of circumstances. I live in Hawaii now and have for a long time and while we're
blessed with nice weather all year round The summer tends to be just kind of a hot
windy version of the rest of the year And because my children are adults now and
they have their own busy lives and live in ocean away I don't have that same
connection with them and many of my friends at least in Hawaii travel for the whole
summer. They like to get off the island because it is hot or they want to go
someplace or they want to see family, extend to family elsewhere. So as my friends
packed up to leave for a few months and my kids were not here or one of them was
home for the summer, it just felt like it was just going to be kind of a long,
hot, boring summer. And then there was this issue of turning 60 with no big plans
to celebrate my birthday. So at the beginning of summer, I decided it's incumbent
upon me to make my summer whatever it is, to create some kind of enjoyment or fun
or distraction or whatever. And I decided I would learn to play golf.
For those of you who follow this podcast religiously, you might have heard me talk
about some of my early rounds on the golf course and my frustration, it was not
pretty. And after playing tennis for almost 25 years and pickleball for the last
three, golf was like watching paint dry. Or more like spilling paint all over myself
and then watching it dry. It is the most inexplicable combination of stressful,
boring, and humiliating. But here's the thing, even total beginners like myself can
inadvertently strike the ball just right every now and again. And when that happens,
there is the most satisfying little ping sound and it's like winning the jackpot.
So when you strike the ball and it goes far and it goes straight and you hear
that sound. It sends this direct hit of dopamine to your brain and suddenly all is
right with the world. And in that split second of euphoria, you believe you can
replicate it again and again. And that is what keeps you coming back. But what they
don't tell you is that perfect stroke, even if it was an accidental perfect stroke,
and that intoxicating little ping sound might not show up again right away,
or even for the rest of the whole you're playing, or even for the rest of the
game you're playing that day. And yet it just happens just often enough that it
becomes very addictive. And yes, you do have to have some combination of competitive
spirit or be a little bit of a glutton for punishment. And I clearly fall into
both categories. So I have kept up with it for the last few months and I'm kind
of starting to love it. But I admit I was really skeptical about my commitment to
learning this very slow and very frustrating game. So I decided to double down on
my game learning curve this summer and also learn to play mahjong. I know,
very different, not a sport, just a board game. And for those of you who are
unfamiliar with this game, so was I. It is a 150 year old parlor game played with
tiles and it was developed in China. And although it's played now internationally and
there is an American version, a couple of my friends who weren't traveling this
summer, wanted to learn the traditional Chinese version. So we got together and
decided to teach ourselves with the help of YouTube and a bunch of sources and
books and pamphlets. And we decided to play after work on Monday afternoons. But
sometimes we'd find ourselves wanting to play more and more after work. And a bunch
of other friends heard we were playing and they wanted to join in. So now we're
opening it up to new people and starting our own Mahjong club this fall, which is
super fun. But golf and Mahjong did not keep me from playing my other two favorite
sports, which is tennis and pickleball this summer. And as you know, I continually
battle with various sports injuries and am often sidelined from court sports. But
this summer, all my body parts were in good working order, and I was able to play
most days after work, which made me super happy. So the summer,
which I was admittedly a little bit dreading because so much of my family was not
here and so many of my friends were gone and it is hot and windy and tends to be
a little bit boring at this time of year, ended up being my summer camp in the
late afternoons every day. I have met new people, I've played new games, and the
whole thing was this like pleasant surprise of unexpected fun. But then there was
the birthday thing. Turning 60 this summer, I don't know how to really explain it.
It was just like this uneasy apprehension. And I have never been one to worry or
apologize or lie about my age. In fact, I always love the quote from Mark Twain,
"Do not complain about growing old, it is a privilege denied to many. So I am very
well aware of this privilege and so many other privileges that I have. And every
day that my body is healthy, especially when I can play the sports I love, that is
a great day. But something about this big birthday and my lack of plans other than
just a dinner reservation with my husband was creating kind of an unease. Like,
should I be celebrating it? Should I not? Should I have a party? Should I not? My
husband offered to throw me a party, but that's not really his forte. And somehow I
didn't feel like organizing it myself. And then who would I invite? What would I
do? Where would it be? Do I really want a big party? I'm not really a big party
girl. The only thing I really wanted for my birthday was to have all my kids home
to celebrate. And my youngest daughter was home for summer, working, but my older
two daughters are an ocean away. They had just started new jobs, they had moved
into new homes, they have partners and dogs and obligations, so I knew it was not
realistic for them to come. So as my birthday weekend loomed large,
I managed my expectations and decided to just enter my sixth decade quietly and
without much fanfare. My husband had arranged a Friday afternoon golf game for us
and said we'd meet at the course. So I was looking forward to that. And as I was
walking into the pro shop to sign in, my daughters jumped out and yelled surprise.
And yes, the tears were flowing. I almost can't even say it without them starting
again. I mean, I was ugly crying. I was so happy and I hugged them so hard that
I thought I might break them. And they had been planning this with my husband for
six months, which made it so much sweeter. And from there,
we just jumped into golf carts and played nine holes together. Apparently, they had
been practicing for the last few months as part of a surprise. One of them was
already a golfer and one of them had not been. But it was just amazing. And over
the weekend, we played more golf and pickleball, went swimming, watched movies, played
board games, cooked, went out for dinner, and just had the best time. There was
nothing planned except for the birthday dinner. It was all kind of ad hoc and
spontaneous and spur of the moment and just low key and fun,
and it was really my best birthday ever. And the funny thing was, they've all gone
home now, but I noticed yesterday when I opened the trunk of my car, the cargo
part of my car has been turned into a giant sports locker. The backseat has been
folded down for weeks to accommodate my golf bag, my tennis bag, my pickleball bag,
a change of clothes, and my mahjong set. So I am basically prepared to play
anything at any time should there be an opportunity. So at the age of 60 I have
rediscovered my childhood and I have reinvented summers to be fun again.
So you're probably wondering why am I doing a podcast about my summer?
And I think it's because I think there's a lot of misconceptions about age. Too
often, we think we're too old to learn or try something new. But as many of you
know, I started my second career as a life coach at the age of 55. And now that
I turned 60, I am still making new friends, I am learning new skills,
I'm learning new games, I'm trying new sports, I wrote a book this year which will
be out in the fall and I will talk about that more later. But most importantly,
I'm learning to be more experimental. I'm trying to embrace that I can learn
something and be really bad at it like golf and keep trying. So at 60,
I have a lot more wrinkles, a lot more gray hair, and things don't move quite as
fluidly as they once did. But you know what I also have? More energy,
more curiosity, and I'm more grateful than I ever was even in my 20s and 30s.
And the great irony of all of that is that the summer I turned 60 was one of the
best summers I can ever remember. So I thought I would leave you with a quote from
one of my favorite poets, Rilke, and I may be pronouncing that wrong, so forgive
me, it could be Rilke, but he was an Austrian poet and he had this great quote
that said, you're not too old and it's not too late.
And with that, I wanna wish you a happy end of summer and the courage to go try
something new that will expand your joy or bring joy back into your life.
So with that I look forward to talking to you soon and bye for now.
If you would like to learn more about working with me as a coach you can connect
with me through my website at jackiedecrinis.com
