You are listening to The Overthinker's Guide to Joy. This is the one where we're
gonna talk about the best gift you can give yourself. Let's dive in.
This is a podcast for overthinkers, overdoers, and overachievers who are tired of
feeling overanxious and just wanna feel better. I'm your host, certified life coach,
Jackie de Crinis.
Hey there. Welcome back. So today I want to talk about something that I think we
all wrestle with, sometimes without even realizing it. And that's permission.
Remember being a kid and needing permission for everything? Permission to go to the
bathroom, permission to speak up in class, permission to have a snack before dinner,
permission to have dessert, permission to go to a friend's house, Permission was
something we waited for, and it came from someone else, usually a teacher, a parent,
an authority figure, even a babysitter. But here's the wild part. Many of us grow
up and we never fully unlearn the habit of asking for permission.
So the best part about being an adult is it's incumbent upon us to give ourselves
permission. And this is especially true with women, which is probably why men love
the expression. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. But as women,
we're often taught sometimes overtly, sometimes subtly, that our value is tied up in
how much we take care of others, in our family, in our work in our relationships.
And somewhere along the way, we start to believe that our joy or our ambition,
even our rest, has to be approved by someone else. So today's podcast is simply
this. It's the reminder that you do not need permission to shine.
You don't need permission to find joy. So not from your boss,
not from your partner, not from your parents, not even from your past self.
You get to decide for you what you need. So many women come to me because they
just don't feel capable of giving themselves permission because they're carrying around
this invisible belief that their wants or needs have to be justified,
that somehow it's selfish to pursue joy or success on their own terms.
And let me be clear, this isn't just a mom thing or a married thing or a
corporate ladder thing. I've seen this show up in women of all ages and in all
walks of life because it's a pattern. It's kind of a patriarchal,
people -pleasing, deeply embedded pattern that tells us be small,
stay small, be agreeable, don't ask for too much. And that message,
it just robs us of our joy because it dims our light and it keeps us stuck
Waiting for a green light that never really comes. In a weird way, it's kind of
like our own self -imposed glass ceiling.
Now, here's where coaching comes in. When someone hires me as a coach, they're not
looking for me to give them permission. They're looking to remember how to give it
to themselves, to reawaken their own agency, to realize, "I'm an adult.
I get to choose. I get to take care of myself without guilt or apology.
And yes, sometimes it helps to have someone in your corner who says, "You're not
crazy. You're not selfish. You're allowed. You deserve this." But my job is never to
grant permission. Although I do do that, my job is to help you remember.
You already have it with inside you. So let me just give you a few places where
this often shows up in people's lives. Well, predominantly in relationships.
People think, I don't want to take that trip because what if my partner or my
family or my work needs me? And if I do this, someone will be disappointed or
someone will be burdened by my absence. Now in business we often think I don't know
if I'm ready to charge that much or I don't know if I'm ready for that promotion
or I don't know if I can ask to be promoted and in self -care it shows up with
it feels selfish to rest or it feels selfish to take time to myself to practice
self -care. So, we keep pushing through, we keep pushing through that fatigue,
we keep pushing through that need because we don't either think we've earned it or
we're afraid that somebody will be disappointed in us for taking that time. Now,
each one is a version of I'm waiting for someone else to tell me it's okay to
choose myself. Now, if any of that sounds familiar to you, whether that's in
business, in your relationships, in your self care, I want you to ask yourself this
question. Who am I waiting for? Who's permission am I trying to get?
And what if instead of waiting, you just gave it to yourself? What if you wrote
your own permission slip? Something like, I give myself permission to say no without
guilt. I give myself permission to prioritize my own joy.
I give myself permission to take up space. I give myself permission to shine.
And yes, it really might feel uncomfortable. And yes, it might ruffle some feathers.
Some people might be inconvenienced, some people might think that you're asking for
too much and you know what? It's okay that they're uncomfortable and it's okay that
you're uncomfortable at first because the more you practice this, the easier it gets.
It's just a feeling that's new but when you practice it, it'll stop being new and
then people will get used to you stepping into your light, asking for what you
need, and taking what you need, whether that's time, rest, vacations,
et cetera. Here's your invitation for this week. Write yourself your own permission
slip. Literally, if you want to on a sticky note or put it in your phone or in a
journal, but fill in this sentence, "I give myself permission to." You fill in the
blank and just see what comes up. And the amazing thing about this is, you may be
scared to even step into what you want to give yourself permission for.
I know that for years, I always felt it was my responsibility to do everything,
to take care of the kids, to make the dinner, to not travel outside of business,
and I was very sheepish about saying I want to do this, or I need to do this.
And when I started to practice on kind of a micro scale, take time for myself to
exercise, take time if I needed to take a nap, take time to learn to meditate, and
take 10 minutes a day in silence silence to go do so. When I started doing things
for myself, I started showing up better for other people. And that's the best part
of giving yourself permission. Because when you fill your own cup, you have such a
greater capacity to go help others, help others on your team,
help your boss, help your partner, help your kids, help your parents, whomever you
feel like you're always either needing to take care of or needing to pick up the
slack for. But it starts with you. So again, fill in that sentence.
I give myself permission to blank. And if you want to share it,
I would love to hear it. You can DM me, you can tag me on Instagram, or you can
email me through my website. Because when we share our permission slips, we give
others permission too. So it's kind of like a civic service. You're doing something
for yourself and you're showing others how to do it for themselves. You're becoming
a role model and you might be a role model for your own children when you take
the time to take care of yourself. Just remember this, you don't need to shrink,
you don't need to wait, and you have the right to shine. All right,
friends, that is what I have for you this week. It was a short and sweet one, but
as always, I thank you for listening. And one more thing, are you signed up for my
weekly newsletter or have you taken my overthinkers quiz? Both are available on my
website at jackiedecrinis.com, so you're gonna definitely wanna check those out if
you're not already doing so. All right, have a great week and bye for now.
